forum All Is Hell That Ends With ‘Fair’(Closed ~ One-on-One ~ Rated a possible M)

Started March 12, 2020 by @Toxic_Persephone group

tune

“I wish we could too, but we have a lot going on.” He murmured, groaning softly. “It’s all too much if I’m being honest. If you hadn’t come along I probably would have… I wouldn’t be here.”

Cyrus’ mouth went dry.
“Um… so uh… do you think about suicide a lot?” he asked softly, “We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not comfortable, but… I worry.”

Marcus remained silent for a moment before he extended one of his arms to show Cyrus the burns and cuts alike. “Suicide has been a part of my thoughts for as long as I can remember… I keep it away with burns and cuts but sometimes it sticks in my head and whispers things I can’t resist in my ears.”
He leaned more into Cyrus, taking his hand again. “But since you’ve been around I haven’t heard it as much.”

“I’m glad my presence can help, but… you definitely need more than that. More than me,” Cyrus said, rubbing circles on Marcus’s back with his other hand.
“I’m glad you’re willing to be open about it, but… but hurting yourself is no good, either. Like I um… I figured you self-harmed, but I didn’t really want to bring it up yet.”
He sighed softly.
“I love you, and I want you to be okay. I I don’t mean just managing to fight back the urge to kill yourself. I mean getting back to as ‘normal’ and content as you can possibly be.”

Marcus bit his lip, he felt slightly ashamed of himself for having such thoughts. It very obviously made Cyrus sad or uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry, Cy. I promise I won’t leave you. I don’t want to, I couldn’t.” He closed his eyes, shivering a little. “I love you too, but I don’t think I can stop… it’s so addictive I can’t think straight anymore. I know I need help but I can’t go anywhere to get it, I’m just some delinquent they’ll lock away in some type of rehabilitation center.”

“Perhaps one day,” Cyrus said, “we can find a way to get you some help. And I know you can hang in there until then.”
He kissed the top of Marcus’ head.
“In the meantime, I’d like you to open up to me when you can. I just… I so desperately want you to be able to get better.”

Marcus smiled softly, tilting his head so he could press a gentle kiss to Cyrus’s cheek. “And I will get better. I just need to fix my current situation.” He replied, pressing his face into the other’s neck and sighing softly.

“I know,” Cyrus replied, “Trust me, I get it. I’m kind of hoping that things will get better for me too, once all this shit is over.”

“I’m hoping it will. I want you to live your best life as well, you’re my favorite person in the whole world, you know, as cheesy as that sounds.” Marcus laughed softly, watching the tv for a moment before he closed his eyes and took in the warmth of Cyrus.

Cyrus laughed softly and brushed a hand through Marcus' hair, halfway turning his gaze back to the TV.
"Doesn't matter if it's cheesy. It means a lot, actually."

Marcus let out a sound like a purr, pushing his head into Cyrus’s hand.
“I mean it too, love~ you’re my everything.” He purred softly, reaching up to pat Cyrus’s face.

Cyrus rubbed his facial hair on Marcus' hand to see how he'd react, but he kept both of his hands in comforting positions on the other.
"And to me, you're my ray of hope. I'm very much in love with you."

“That tickles!” Marcus giggled and playfully rubbed the other’s face in return. He couldn’t get over how warm Cyrus felt, it made him beyond happy. “I’m in love with you too, Cy.”

Cyrus smiled, closed his eyes, and let out a soft breath.
He wanted to hold Marcus tight forever, but that wasn’t possible.

With a soft sigh the gang member relaxed more into his boyfriend, slowly lowering his arms and placing them over the other’s.
He didn’t say anything, unsure of what to say in the moment. He just wanted to enjoy the others warmth for as long as he could.

Within the comfortable silence, Cyrus continued distractedly running his hands through Marcus' hair and gently touching and rubbing other parts of his body, like his shoulders and back, all while they watched the show together.
Cyrus felt himself starting to get sleepy and nodded off intermittently, still caressing his partner gently.

Marcus yawned, letting his eyes slip closed. He listened to Cyrus’s gentle breathing, humming as Cy began to drift off.
“I love you…” he murmured quietly, letting himself relax completely and begin to drif off.

Cyrus barely heard Marcus' words, as he was already basically asleep, cuddling closely with Marcus. God, he was so tired. Usually he would have trouble falling asleep, but he was so wiped out, it would've been more impressive for him to stay awake.

Marcus gently lowered them both down completely onto the couch, staring into Cyrus’s face with a happy smile. He nuzzled into Cyrus after turning around in his arms, closing his eyes and humming.
Eventually he fell asleep, curled up into Cy and breathing softly. For the first time in a long time, Marcus slept peacefully.

Cyrus slept the whole night through, not even waking up when Marcus moved them at first. He was a little dazed at first, forgetting that they had fallen asleep on the couch, and also in Marcus' home. Cyrus only barely moved when he first woke up, making sure that he didn't wake Marcus up.

Marcus flinched a little each time Cyrus moved, whimpering softly in his sleep. Nightmares weren't a strange thing to Marcus. He went through several PTSD nightmares a night and often times wouldn't sleep for days.
When Cyrus woke Marcus nearly jumped out of his skin, crying out as he woke suddenly.
"P-Please not again! I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!" He covered his head first, protecting his neck first.

"Marcus, love," Cyrus said, firmly but softly.
He made sure he wasn't restraining Marcus in any way, letting him get up and back away if necessary.
"You're okay, you're going to be okay," he promised.

Cyrus's voice caused Marcus to freeze. He slowly uncovered his face, glancing up at who he thought to be his assailant. "C-Cy?" His voice was small, quiet, not at all like the confidence he usually put on. Instead of backing away or running, Marcus buried his face in Cyrus's chest, breathing in deeply.
"Oh god it is you…" He whimpered, tugging at his lover. "I… Marx was-" He sucked in a shaky breath, trying hard not to break down in front of the one he loved. He didn't want to do that again.
"I can still feel him touching me… I hate it. I don't want it."

Cyrus took Marcus in cautiously, making sure not to touch him too suddenly or harshly.
"I'm the one holding you now," he soothed, "I'm sorry you have to deal with all that, even in your dreams."
He rubbed the other's arm.

Marcus leaned into Cyrus’s touch, craving it over the nightmare’s touch. It made him shiver to take in how different the two touches were from each other.
Cyrus was gentle respectful, Marx bruised and went beyond boundaries.
“I love you….” he murmured, saying nothing else.

"I love you too," Cyrus sighed, "And I'm here for you."
He kept his breathing steady, despite how tempting it was to cry over the other.

Slowly Marcus' breath returned to normal and he pulled away from Cyrus. "Sorry…" He murmured, wiping at his eyes and nose. "I didn't mean to startle you, did I wake you up, Cy?" He asked gently, sniffling and resting his cheek against Cyrus's chest.

"Don't apologize," Cyrus said, placing a hand on the top of Marcus' head. "Besides, I thought I woke you."
He hummed softly, trying to soothe his boyfriend.

Marcus leaned into the touch, smiling weakly. "You didn't wake me, don't worry love." He leaned up to press their foreheads together. "Can I get a kiss? I'm a little shaken up and your kisses ground me." He asked, pouting softly.

“Of course,” Cyrus said, the worry previously etched into his face melting away as he leaned in for a kiss.
“I love you, and I’m here if you need physical comfort, want to talk, or- well… anything, really.”