forum Boys will be boys (CLOSED MxM ROLEPLAY)(Stalkers welcomed and appreciated <3)

Started March 16, 2020 by @Fraust

tune

"You can just take it off here if you want… I don't fuckin care…" Rowan kept his eyes closed, yawning again.

“Yeah, fair enough. I’ll be right back, I guess.” Damien got up, walking to the bathroom. It felt simultaneously glorious and awful to get the binder off- it was great because he could breathe better, but.. the drawback was.. everything else. Luckily it wasn’t incredibly noticeable, for a number of reasons including his incredibly dark and baggy clothes and just general build, but it still wasn’t amazing. “Back, sorry about that.” He mumbled, sitting back down.

Rowan clung tightly to Damien again when he returned. He'd felt empty again immediately when Damien had left. Milo was whining softly with worry and moving ever closer to Rowan.

“Hey, woah- I’m back, Ro, don’t worry about it.” Damien was caught off guard by the sudden clinging, cautiously patting Rowan’s back. “You good, man..?”

"Y-Yeah… I'm just… I'm having a bad day, and I really don't wanna be alone right now…" Rowan moved closer to Damien and sighed shakily.

“Alright, yeah. Okay.” Damien nodded, wrapping his arms around Rowan lightly. “You comfortable at least?”

Rowan nodded, closing his eyes and sighing again. "I… I'm sorry, Damien… I'm being high maintenance as fuck…"

“..A little, yeah. You’re fine, though. Not like I got shit to do anyways, y’know?” Damien removed a hand from Rowan to scratch the back of his neck.

"I'm still sorry, though…" Rowan looked up at Damien. "I'm sure you could find something better to do than deal with me."

“Like what, play Animal Crossing? C’mon. It’s really fine, Ro. Don’t sweat it.” Damien sighed, nudging Rowan’s shoulder lightly.

"Mm… Animal Crossing could be fun, though." Rowan laughed weakly and closed his eyes again. "…I'm a mess…"

“Yeah, kinda. It’s okay to be a mess, though, long as you try to take care of it best you can.” Damien rubbed his face.

"I guess so…" Rowan yawned a bit and relaxed in Damien's arms. "I just feel so pathetic and useless…"

“You’re not.” Damien’s voice was blunt when he said that. “Don’t even joke around like that, Ro. You’re really fuckin’ funny and great to be around, okay? Super attractive personality.” Damien wasn’t lying. He found Rowan magnetic, always had.

Rowan flinched a bit at Damien's tone. "I'm… I'm not joking, Damien… needing to have someone around constantly because I can't bear to be alone makes me feel incredibly pathetic."

(it has come to my attention that damien is only good at compliments when he sounds like a total fucking dick when he says them)

“You’re not pathetic, seriously.” Damien frowned, hugging Rowan just a little bit closer. “I get that that sucks. I do. It must be scary to experience, but that doesn’t make you this useless little friend.”

(Lmao kinda yeah)
"I just… I don't even feel like a person sometimes. Like I don't even deserve to be here because I'm constantly burdening someone else by existing…"

Damien squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back. He knew those thoughts. He’d had them plenty of times before. “Stop. You’re not a burden, okay?” How am I even supposed to refute this? “Those thoughts fuckin’ suck, but your brain is lying to you. You’re a person and you deserve the fuckin’ world. You aren’t a burden.”

"B-But you're stuck here with me right now because I got left alone for a couple hours and couldn't fucking handle it on my own." Rowan looked up at Damien meekly, tears stinging his eyes. "I'm just causing problems for you and the guys. Why do you even keep me around?"

Damien cupped Rowan’s face in his hands. “Listen, Ro. I honestly don’t give a fuck about any of that right now. You’ve been through so much shit, I fully get why you’re freaked. And this is a new thing, man. Don’t think we’re gonna drop you for this- we’d be shitty friends if we did.”

Rowan drew in a shaky breath, a tear rolling down his cheek. He wanted to quickly brush it away, but couldn't with Damien holding his face like this. "I… I-I'm scared, Damien… I don't like feeling like this… I don't get why I'm so averse to being alone… there's something fucking wrong with me and I'm terrified."

Damien let go of Rowan with a sigh. “I don’t know either, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of love and respect.” He tried to fumble for his next few words. “I get being scared, I do. I-if you ever need to talk or vent or just scream, I’ll listen, you know that.”

Rowan rubbed at his tears when he was released, trembling slightly. "I-I just… I don't know what to do… I feel so helpless and I just don't wanna be here anymore."

Something in Damien’s gut sunk at that moment. He got a little dizzy. “Fuck, Rowan, no, no, no..” He mumbled, holding Rowan close to himself.

Rowan clung tightly to Damien, his quiet tears soon turning into sobs and his shaking growing stronger. "My parents barely know I fucking exist, I can't even be alone, and you're literally the only person who'd care if I was gone…"

Damien nervously watched Rowan, wracked with sobs. “Hey, hey, no, that’s- that’s not true-“ He tried to calm him down, but wasn’t sure where to even begin.

"I-I just… I c… I c-can't do this anymore…" Rowan sobbed, quickly growing less coherent. "I can't… I c-can't do it…"

Damien hugged Rowan, trying to calm him down to the best of his abilities. He looked over at Milo. “Ro, hey, hey-! You’ve gotta relax, man. Your head isn’t on straight right now.”

Milo was whining loudly and trying to get closer to Rowan. He judged Rowan's arm, but Rowan didn't even seem to notice.

“Deep breaths, please, Ro. Deep breaths.” Damien repeated, trying to stall the sobs just a hair.