forum Guess who is completely out of steam?! (0/0 GAY and CLOSED)

Started January 09, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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“You aren’t going to lose me..” Payton replied gently, wrapping his arms around Kyle and pulling him close in a hug. “I’m yours, only yours forever.”

“Then please let me go to college with you. That’s all I ever wanted.” Kyle begged.

“Can I just ask..why are you so insistent on going to college with me? Don’t you want a better education?”

“Is it bad that I want to be with my boyfriend you I love?” Kyle frowned.

“No, of course it’s not but I don’t want to wake up every morning and feel like you could be doing so much more with your life and education.” Payton gripped him tighter.

“Or do you not want to wake up every morning to see me?” Kyle asked looked up at Payton.

“I do but I want you to live up to your full potential and go to an Ivy League school and make smart friends and call and text me about how amazing it is and we’ll see each other over breaks and I’ll come surprise you sometimes and we’ll spend Christmas and holidays together. It’ll be okay Kyle, just trust me. We can make this work and we’ll love each other even more.” Payton told him, his voice trembling slightly towards the end.

Kyle sighed. “Seriously is that the only reason or is there something else because you’ve been distant. Yesterday you rushed me out of your house and now you don’t want to go to college with me. Most couples do that. They go to college together. I don’t want to call you. I want to wake up never to you every morning.” Kyle sighed.

“No that’s the only reason, I swear. I just..I have a lot to think about. I’m sorry if I’ve been distant. We..we don’t have to talk about this right now..um…I just want you to make the best decision for yourself and your future, not just me and our relationship. Sorry for..um..sorry..” He stepped back towards the door.

“Why are you backing away from me and what’s the other reasons…” Kyle moved closer to Payton.

“There aren’t any more reasons, I promise. I mean, I’m happy, I just got into my top college but I don’t want to feel like I’m holding you back. No matter how much you try and convince me, I can’t picture myself happily going to college with you. I’m sorry, Kyle..I’m sorry…” He felt his eyes stinging, taking another step back. “I want you to live up to your potential. We’ll be okay..”

Kyle’s eyes widened “Don’t be my dad. I don’t need that. I need a boyfriend who can love and support me no matter what choice I make. Why are you treating me like your son.” His eyes started to water.

“Are you trying to tell me that I’m not loving and supporting you? I’ve been trying so hard Kyle! I’ve never been in a relationship before and now you’re asking me all this stuff about our future and marriage and kids! Am I supposed to be thinking about all that? I don’t know if I’m ready to live in the same room with you for four years! I love you so much but I don’t want to think about marriage or kids or even having sex yet! I’m not ready to go to college and make all these decisions about my future! I’m not ready!” He sobbed, wiping at his eyes. “I’m sorry! I’m really sorry..”

“Well I can. How about I make them for and break up? I know what I want to do and that’s be with you every step of the way. You know what you just said. You said I’m not ready to be with you after high school. Why is college and high school any different and then when I talked about marriage. You basically sorry I’m not ready to love you forever. Then kids. The way you and I play with Lily it’s already like our kid. I don’t know if you noticed, but you’re going to college and now is the time to be thinking about your future. If I’m the only one doing that then maybe we shouldn’t be together…” It hurt Kyle to say it. “I’m left here, thinking about what could happen but you aren’t and then I feel like I’m not doing enough so I try harder and your future is blank to you? Am I not in it. Are we not together in the future? Every single possibility I run through my head we’re always together happy.” He snickered. “Am I living in a fantasy. Or is reality catching up to me. Why can’t I be with you in the future. But hey you already turned down my marriage proposal. So what’s next? Might as well not be in your life anymore because your not ready to love the way I love you.”

Payton choked back a sob, shaking his head. “Stop twisting my words and making assumptions about how I feel. Did you forget all of the times I told you I’ll love you forever and I want to spend the rest of my life with you?! Maybe you should try and stop pressuring me to make all these decisions about our life together! I didn’t even know what college I was going to until an hour ago! Don’t you trust me and my love enough to know that I would never fall in love with someone else or cheat on you?! Oh and sorry that I haven’t been taking all of my time to think about our future, Kyle! I’ve been pretty worried about my psychopath uncle that’s probably going to kill me anyway! I’m so sorry that apparently I can’t love you enough and that I can’t live up to your standards as a boyfriend. And don’t get mad at me for turning down your marriage proposal. I can make my own decisions and this might sound crazy to you but no matter how much I love you, I’m not accepting a proposal at 17 and after four months of dating.” He glared at him, hands clenched to keep from trembling.

“That’s…not what I meant…I…” Kyle turned his head. “I….didn’t…I just…I want…you…” Kyle wiped his tears, turning around. “If that’s what you really want I’ll go to Harvard. Happy?”

“No, no I get it. That’s exactly what you mean. I don’t care where you go to college. Just stop chasing me around like I’m some stupid whore who’ll cheat on you as soon as I get away. And sorry for not wanting to be tied down with marriage before I’m even 18. I thought that was pretty reasonable.” Payton turned and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Kyle fell to the ground once the door slammed. He sat there and cried in his own puddle of tears. He felt like he was worth nothing. He felt like his life meant nothing. But he tried to go and die it would seem as selfish. Then if he tries to go back he’ll be begging at his knees for forgiveness. Either way everything is pinned on him just like it always was. So he just sat there and trembled. Wondering what to do next. Kyle texted Tyler. Can you meet me tomorrow?

(This is sad but I love it :)

Payton felt numb all over. He faked a grin as he walked back into his house, letting it disappear as soon as he got into his room. Did we just break up? He realized, sinking to the floor and frowning down at it. What am I supposed to do now?

Sure, what time?

(Saaaame)

Same time as today. Kyle had to return the guitar. He didn’t need it anymore. He made his way up to his room and sat there. Kyle held his head, wanting to feel pain. He needed to feel pain. Only to get rid of the one inside his heart. Kyle headed down stairs and grabbed a sharp knife. He placed it on his skin making a light cut, which felt so good. It wasn’t enough. So he did it again and again and again.

(Oh shit)

Payton picked up his phone with a trembling hand. I think Kyle and I just broke up He texted Rowan, feeling a wave of guilt and sadness wash over him as fresh tears started flowing. Is it my fault?

Rowan texted back almost immediately. shit..I’m coming over okay?

Payton moved away from the door and collapsed near his bed, shaking with sobs.

(Yeah if you want to!)

(Kk)

Rowan knocked on the door of Payton’s house. He waited at the door, glaring at Kyle’s house down the street.

Payton’s mom let him in and told him Payton was upstairs, completely clueless of their break up.

Payton wiped at his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest, letting out another strangled sob.

Rowan knocked on the door. “Payton…I’m coming in…” he opened the door slowly, but he ran to Payton and hugged him. “Tell me what happened. I swear to god I’m going to kill him.”

Payton crawled towards him and wrapped his arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. “I don’t know what happened! We started arguing cause he wanted to go to college with me and then we argued more he said that maybe we’d just be better off apart because apparently I don’t love him like he loves me and I don’t know what to do!” He cried, still shaking.

Rowan stroked his hair. “Shhh, shhh it’s okay. First, what did you say to him and second you two need to talk about this, love. You guys are going to be apart very soon. He’s been doing something for a whole week just so he could make it perfect for you. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. But if you want…I’ll go over and talk to him myself. If you won’t. I’m not on anyones side.”

Payton looked up at him, fresh tears rolling down his face. “You’re supposed to be on my side!” He turned away from him and curled up on the bed. “Fine, go talk to him if he’s so special. Leave me here by myself. See if I care, asshole.” He muttered, burying himself under his blankets and wiping at his eyes.