why the actual fuck do i still bother with art
why haven’t i just thrown everything away yet
it’s clearly only hurting me…oh yeah, I remember now
cause i can’t do anything else
i am nothing else
this is the one thing i’m known for
the one thing I can still pull off despite my stupidity and lack of basic life skills
just essentially being a shitty expensive photocopy machine that evolves backwards and malfunctions 8 times a week
Mood, but with writing.
I may not be able to handle my issues, but I sure as fuck can take them out on fake people I make up!
Then reach out to other people.
I'm not in your shoes, I can't tell you what to do next,
But there's no way it's impossible for you to get help.I know it's not impossible for me to get help. But at this point in my life going through all the roadblocks to get to that help is going to do a number of things, all of which are negative.
Then honestly, that's on you.
Your decision not to get help is completely a you thing.One, it'll uproot my life, something that has happened more than 11 times, (that's the number of times I've moved in my life. Not counting surviving a divorce, losing friends, getting lice a number of times, and the night the police had to be called back when I was maybe 5-6.
Perhaps for the better. The literal definition of 'help' is "make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one's services or resources."
As a child who has spent very little of their life actually making friends that the fact that they now have a friend group that consists of !ore than three, and that none are relatives and not all are church kids and that my mom doesn't know their parents is a shocker to this day should tell you something.
Two. It'll probably destroy my already shaky relationship with my mom. Permanently. And I am not ready for that to happen.
If your mother doesn't want you to get mental health support, maybe that's another thing you could seek help for.
Doing that could land my siblings with a very abusive father and I refuse to risk their safety just because my mom may have a few issues with parenting me. Part of it is probably the very real possibility that she doesn't want to get into the ickyness of some of the stuff we've gone through any more than I do.
Three. It would change everything I know about myself,
….
How??
I am also a sheltered kid. Memes and vines rarely make sense to me. I don't know what a lot of the popular bands, YouTube artists, and generally common things even are. I didn't know gay was a thing till I got on notebook, and I definitely wasn't fully aware of what depression, anxiety, and mental health issues were. This whole thing is a fairly new territory for me, so it's scary to think about where I may fit in there.
Four. It will involve going back into some nasty emotional stuff I survived as a kid and teen, a lot of which I only know about thanks to my mom's blog, leading me to believe I have suppressed memories.
Again with this online stuff. I mean this in a helpful way: "leading me to believe" does not equal "I have."
And if you dec ed you didn't want to go back to those nasty things, a professional can't make you. They can only suggest.
Thing is, is my mom, at one point, did try to get us into family therapy. As of last year, I'm really only beginning to understand what might be going on in my head besides ADHD. Broaching that is a huge roadblock I don't know where to start with, and it will be painful. I genuinely do want to have a least one session with some kind of professional so I can understand if my former stepfather may have actually traumatized me or worse.
Five, the fight and push to get help will probably hurt me more than it will ever help me, especially at this moment in my life.
Overall, as of right this instant, it's emotionally less terrifying and potentially damaging to wait till I'm a legal adult to go look for therapy.
Nobody said you couldn't wait. If that works for you, wait.
That right there made me want to cry and felt extremely invalidating to me as a person. I never said I WANTED to wait. It's more like a self-imposed need in the best interests of my family.
It's also a case of "This will seem a heck of a whole lot easier when it's just me I'm dealing with, " which is why I'm waiting till I'm 18.
When we first got her, we thought she got out and was under the deck. Turns out she was fast asleep in my sister's closet, curled up on top of her pillow pet.
Precious.
I just went to a random colour picker and the first colour I got was Notebook blue.
Then reach out to other people.
I'm not in your shoes, I can't tell you what to do next,
But there's no way it's impossible for you to get help.I know it's not impossible for me to get help. But at this point in my life going through all the roadblocks to get to that help is going to do a number of things, all of which are negative.
Then honestly, that's on you.
Your decision not to get help is completely a you thing.One, it'll uproot my life, something that has happened more than 11 times, (that's the number of times I've moved in my life. Not counting surviving a divorce, losing friends, getting lice a number of times, and the night the police had to be called back when I was maybe 5-6.
Perhaps for the better. The literal definition of 'help' is "make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one's services or resources."
As a child who has spent very little of their life actually making friends that the fact that they now have a friend group that consists of !ore than three, and that none are relatives and not all are church kids and that my mom doesn't know their parents is a shocker to this day should tell you something.
Then
Talk
To
Them?????
Two. It'll probably destroy my already shaky relationship with my mom. Permanently. And I am not ready for that to happen.
If your mother doesn't want you to get mental health support, maybe that's another thing you could seek help for.
Doing that could land my siblings with a very abusive father and I refuse to risk their safety just because my mom may have a few issues with parenting me.
Your mother not wanting you to get mental health support is not an example of abuse. It's a misunderstanding.
Part of it is probably the very real possibility that she doesn't want to get into the ickyness of some of the stuff we've gone through any more than I do.
SO YOU ARE OPENLY SAYING YOU DON'T WANT HELP.
Three. It would change everything I know about myself,
….
How??I am also a sheltered kid. Memes and vines rarely make sense to me. I don't know what a lot of the popular bands, YouTube artists, and generally common things even are. I didn't know gay was a thing till I got on notebook, and I definitely wasn't fully aware of what depression, anxiety, and mental health issues were. This whole thing is a fairly new territory for me, so it's scary to think about where I may fit in there.
You know who would be great at teaching you about things, especially anxiety and depression?
A professional.
Four. It will involve going back into some nasty emotional stuff I survived as a kid and teen, a lot of which I only know about thanks to my mom's blog, leading me to believe I have suppressed memories.
Again with this online stuff. I mean this in a helpful way: "leading me to believe" does not equal "I have."
And if you dec ed you didn't want to go back to those nasty things, a professional can't make you. They can only suggest.Thing is, is my mom, at one point, did try to get us into family therapy.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand… You didn't use the oppurtunity?
As of last year, I'm really only beginning to understand what might be going on in my head besides ADHD. Broaching that is a huge roadblock I don't know where to start with, and it will be painful. I genuinely do want to have a least one session with some kind of professional so I can understand if my former stepfather may have actually traumatized me or worse.
Five, the fight and push to get help will probably hurt me more than it will ever help me, especially at this moment in my life.
Overall, as of right this instant, it's emotionally less terrifying and potentially damaging to wait till I'm a legal adult to go look for therapy.
Nobody said you couldn't wait. If that works for you, wait.
That right there made me want to cry and felt extremely invalidating to me as a person.
bruh
I never said I WANTED to wait. It's more like a self-imposed need in the best interests of my family.
It's also a case of "This will seem a heck of a whole lot easier when it's just me I'm dealing with, " which is why I'm waiting till I'm 18.
Sounds like a choice to me.
can you guys please stop with the long quotes
i have spoken and i say that people aren’t allowed to start yelling at others for not having a diagnosis for every emotion they feel
that is all
i’m not saying people should go around shouting “I have [thing]” if it hasn’t been proven
i’m just saying you also shouldn’t harass these people
that’s it
if you don’t like it take it to rudeness or something, i dunno, i’m too tired for this
who here has harassed someone else on this chat
if you think someone has, look into what harassment actually is
This is going to make me sound like a bitch, but I'm going to say it anyway.
I am being as polite as I can possibly be to explain my point of view.
I do not know how I can be any more clear about how I feel on the situation.
I do not know how someone cannot understand when someone else clearly has many real, personal, and circumstantial reasons for not doing something while still wanting to.
As of right now I can feel the will to let my inner thoughts dissolve into less than positive, and tears are starting to come.
Right now I want to not exist and basically be anything but something capable of having feelings.
A flower would be nice.
I would also like for people to understand that continually asking someone why, and questioning them when they give an answer as clear as they are willing to get when it comes to having survived the better portion of their life with a father they trusted that continually criticized them for everything from how they are to how the walked and breathed,
I want people to understand that it is this refusal to listen, and maybe take a second to look from the other person's shoes, is what is the most hurtful.
To prevent myself from drawing this out more than it needs to be I'm now going to refrain from replying to anything further. If you wish to speak with me tag me in a separate thread as this is no longer worth my time or emotional capacity.
who here has harassed someone else on this chat
if you think someone has, look into what harassment actually is
As of right now I feel harassed by you because you cannot seem to understand that for some people a vent on a writing website is their only way to keep from bottling up shit and negativity they don't understand yet!
who here has harassed someone else on this chat
if you think someone has, look into what harassment actually isAs of right now I feel harassed by you because you cannot seem to understand that for some people a vent on a writing website is their only way to keep from bottling up shit and negativity they don't understand yet!
^^^^^^
Also the way you quote people's long vents/explanations and nitpick every little thing feels like harassment
I see
I'm harassing you
By telling you not to claim you have disorders you don't have a diagnosis for
I will not stand for this whole "I'm crying" thing
Trying to guilt me into agreeing with you is wrong, and won't work
so quite frankly, fuck you and your self diagnosis bullshit
both of you, wolfheart and ruby, who clearly has learned how to type without two hundred subs.
oh my god
okay, calm down mir. as i stated before mine got sent the other day so I'm not making anything up, and still, I don't need to justify that to you !
I think the main point here is that it's not impossible to find real help.
If you feel you really need help–honest to deity your head is gonna explode without it–help, you can find it.
Take a moment off of notebook and google it….but dont just look at the first page. REALLY research.
There are many community outreach programs for teens battling mental health issues, clinics, online therapy sessions….etc.
Can't find it?
Walk into a local police station–or even talk to cop–they know of so many programs that can help.
Nurses, librarians, art teachers, YMCA/YWCA…
If you really look for it, you'll find it.
I see
I'm harassing you
By telling you not to claim you have disorders you don't have a diagnosis for
I will not stand for this whole "I'm crying" thing
Trying to guilt me into agreeing with you is wrong, and won't work
so quite frankly, fuck you and your self diagnosis bullshit
both of you, wolfheart and ruby, who clearly has learned how to type without two hundred subs.
I know I said I wouldn't reply abain but I will not allow myself to be called a liar.
I said I think I might.
I said I believe I might.
I said I'm scared I might.
I said I have been led to believe I might.
I also said I had had certain symptoms, or had been through things that could be or are well known causes. One of which being the fact that si am a survivor of an abusive relationship concerning my parents. I even mentioned the police having been involved.
.
. I am also not trying to guilt-trip you. I can see how it might seem that way but it was not my intent.
My intent was to express my feelings. Nothing more.
heh…
this was originaly suppossed to be a safe non-toxic thred
how fucling ironic
I see
I'm harassing you
By telling you not to claim you have disorders you don't have a diagnosis for
I will not stand for this whole "I'm crying" thing
Trying to guilt me into agreeing with you is wrong, and won't work
so quite frankly, fuck you and your self diagnosis bullshit
both of you, wolfheart and ruby, who clearly has learned how to type without two hundred subs.
Okay, out of all the things wrong with this, don't call them Ruby. They've told us their preferred name, and it's only basic human respect to use it.
i apologise for being partially responsible for that-
I see
I'm harassing you
By telling you not to claim you have disorders you don't have a diagnosis for
I will not stand for this whole "I'm crying" thing
Trying to guilt me into agreeing with you is wrong, and won't work
so quite frankly, fuck you and your self diagnosis bullshit
both of you, wolfheart and ruby, who clearly has learned how to type without two hundred subs.Okay, out of all the things wrong with this, don't call them Ruby. They've told us their preferred name, and it's only basic human respect to use it.
it's fine,,, i don't fucking care anymore. call me a bitch for all i care because i stg-
heh…
this was originaly suppossed to be a safe non-toxic thred
how fucling ironic
I'm so sorry that all of this happened, Ella…
heh…
this was originaly suppossed to be a safe non-toxic thred
how fucling ironic
i am so so sorry ella- i didn't mean for all this to happen-
it’s ok
it was bad before this all happened amyway
I tried, I failed, time to go to sleep
But not actually
Sorry bout the shit tho, Ella. Tried my best. Also, y'all can pm me if you're feeling hurt or invalidated. I probably won't be much help since I'm shit at comforting people but I want you to know I'm sorry all this happened
it’s really late., i need toget some sleep
goodnight my beans
i love you so much
<3>3<3<3<3
Goodnight, Ella.
I send my love to you.
<3
it’s really late., i need toget some sleep
goodnight my beans
i love you so much
<3>3<3<3<3
goodnight ella-
Alright, I know this isn't my job and I know it isn't really my place but what I see here is something I feel very strongly about, and I am going to say a few things concerning the topic. Nothing I say is meant to invalidate anyone, or be harmful. I will do my best to present my view on both sides of this argument with out being offensive. Words have power, an immense amount of power. How we use them is important, especially when it comes to subjects that are delicate and could be triggering or harmful to individuals. That is the Idea I am trying to present.
Depression is very stigmatized and very romanticized. People with Depression live their lives seeing something they struggle with on a day to day basis get treated lightly because Depression is highly romanticized in media. People joke about what they deal with every single day, they have a laugh over something that has damaged, hurt, and scarred them. People with Depression and other similar conditions have a right to be wary when someone claims to have what they do. Look at the media and ask yourself if you can blame them, I know I can't. Depression is a war. People with it are fighting battles, they get hurt, bruised, beaten, because it is a war. And it is a war taken lightly by far to many people. To many people are going to say, oh your just sad, it's normal, or get over it. They have a right to be wary of individuals who claim to have depression with out that mentioned magical piece of paper, that does not give them the right to invalidate those without it.
Having Depression does not mean you can diagnose others with it, and it does not mean you can claim some one else doesn't have it. It can be incredibly difficult to find help because Depression is very romanticized, Adults know that too. It is very very easy to say, you're just sad, to someone with depression if you don't understand it. I'm going to assume the general age group here is 14-18, that means the majority of our parent's were not educated on this topic in school. My parent's Do not understand what Depression is, they can not fathom what it entails they were never taught and it was not until one of their own children was on an ambulance on the way to the hospital that they began learning about it. They had to have it shoved in their face before it was accepted as a real thing that could actually happen to one of their children. School counselors only have as much power as the parent will give them. It is a very sad truth. Getting Diagnosed is an ordeal for some and it is extremely understandable for someone to not want to go through that ordeal, on top of feeling the way that they do.
You can be Depressed and not Have Depression. You can be Depressed and not Have Depression, this is Proven it is real and it is hard. After my nephew died I was Depressed for 6 months, I don't have depression. Every single morning I would wake up and wish I hadn't, for 6 months. I didn't openly talk to people, I felt empty. I was void of feeling, I would dig my nails into my hands and arms just to feel something, anything. I was depressed, But I do not have depression. I will not allow for someone to tell me that I was 'just sad' no I wasn't, I wasn't anything, I was an empty husk. I wouldn't eat until it was forced down me. That is not just being sad, that is being depressed, But I do not have depression.
There are such deep and complex technicalities when it comes the the human mind. We are confusing creatures, people study for years to gain a small understanding of how our minds work. Being Invalidated feels awful, having something you struggle with get taken lightly feels awful, being depressed is awful, having depression I would imagine feels awful. It hurts, and those feelings are valid. We should not add to peoples suffering and hurting. People will disagree, let us do so respectfully. If someone is rude or hurtful with their comments, understand that they could have a reason for doing so, Heck even if they don't Don't stoop to their level by being rude in response. Nothing gets accomplished that way, nothing. Do not pour gasoline on a fire if you're trying to put it out.
I would like to restate that this is not meant to offend, hurt or attack any individuals. I apologize if I have done so, Please understand that this was not my intention. (If this is no longer relevant I am sorry, It took a long while to type out)
i would like to put some more positivity back in this chat-
it's jynnie's birthday today!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JYNNIE!!!!!!!!
