"Water's fine for me as well." Lucas dipped his head politely and watched the waitress leave. "Yeah… I do some pretty stupid shit sometimes." He sighed, carding his free hand through his hair now. He always seemed to toy with his hair when he was nervous.
"What's bugging you?" She asked softly, loosening her hold on his hand. Not that she didn't want to hold him, she just wanted to give him some space he needed. "You're almost never like this, why only now are you throwing yourself under the bus?"
"I know, I just… I think being alone all the time gets to me." He sighed quietly, looking away. "I know I'm an introvert and all, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be around the few people I like hanging out with… I can't be stuck at home with my dad all the time."
"I understand that, which is why I don't understand why you didn't ask if we could hang out more." Giving him a look, she pulled her hand back from him, now only studying his face. He really didn't look great. Not in the slightest. "How bad are you injuries?"
"Um…" Lucas considered how he should explain, and how much he should say. "It kinda hurts to breathe sometimes?" He shrugged. "And I'm usually pretty sore."
Blinking in thought, she held a hand to her face. Clearly this rattled her, and she didn't know how to respond. "Is there any cutting? If so, we need to take you to a doctor or something." She said lower so the people around couldn't hear.
Lucas felt a sinking feeling grow in his stomach and he looked away, his heart racing. "Uh…" His face grew rather pale and he jumped when the waitress returned with their waters. He thanked her, his voice trembling slightly.
"Thank you, I think we need just a minute before ordering." She said barely, her mood having dropped. The waitress nodded, walking off quietly. There was visible tension now, and Melissa couldn't stand it. "Lucas, how bad is it really?" She asked, leaning in closer.
Lucas hesitated for several seconds, staring down at the table guiltily. "…Pretty bad, b-but it shouldn't affect my ability to play baseball, so whatever…"
Her jaw dropped slightly, and she reached out to take his hand. "Nu-uh, that isn't alright." She said softly, sliding his sleeve up, in attempt to see if he had any cuts on his arms.
Lucas allowed her to do so, considering there were very few cuts on his arms. There were a couple vertical ones from the night on the phone he'd mentioned earlier, but otherwise, it was just a few smaller, older ones scattered here and there. He didn't typically cut his forearms, if only for the sake of baseball and being less suspicious.
Tracing the few scars, she sighed, feeling her face fall. "This isn't the worst, is it?" She asked softly, turning his hand over in her own. Slowly, he pulled his hand up to the side of her face, and pressed a gentle kiss to it. "I want you to show me, some other time." She whispered.
Lucas just shook his head weakly. "That… would get rather awkward rather quickly." He laughed dryly, still unable to meet Melissa's eyes. Most of the cuts were on his upper thighs, after all, and he would have to take off his pants for Melissa to be able to see them.
Her expression didn't change, even at the suggestion they were somewhere he considered inappropriate. "Then you need to fix it up yourself, or go to a doctor. You're going to get them infected." Her voice was less than a whisper, as she was afraid it would break if she spoke any higher.
"You know I can't afford to go to a doctor, Mel…" Lucas replied, his voice just as quiet. "I can hardly afford to eat once a day."
"I-I know, I just don't know how to help you!" She said exasperated, trying to keep tears back. "I can't help you, because you won't let me, and then when I try to get you to help yourself, nothing works. I don't know what to do for you. I hate seeing you like this, it honestly makes me sick to think about."
"I-I'm sorry, Mel! Please… don't cry, you…" Lucas started tearing up as well. "I'm sorry, I… I'm so sorry… I don't know how to help myself either, I c-can't… please…" Lucas had always been incredibly empathetic, and whenever Melissa cried, it tended to set him off as well. Especially when they were kids, they'd spent many days just crying together over pretty much nothing.
When she wasn't sure of how she was feeling, she only needed Lucas around. Most days he knew what she was feeling, even before she did. So of course, when he started to get worked up, she forced herself to stop, and take in a few steady breaths. "I'm OK, I'm OK." She whispered, her forming tears gone. "But you aren't, so that's what we need to talk about." And as her sentence closed, the waitress came back with her smile. "Ready?"
Lucas quickly brushed away his tears and ordered the pasta so the waitress would leave them alone. When she left, he exhaled shakily and turned to Melissa again. "I can't… stop myself." He said weakly, his voice strained. "Sometimes I go into a sort of daze, and I… I don't even know what I'm doing. Before I realize what's happening, there's blood on the damn floor again…"
"Then clearly moving in together would benefit you in multiple ways." She whispered, laying his hand open on the table. Tracing letters into his palm at random, she turned her gaze up to his face. "You need someone living with you," Pausing, she thought of something. "Do you have a pocket knife on you right now?"
"Uh… y-yeah… sorry." Lucas dug a swiss army knife out of his pocket and handed it over to Melissa, looking down at the table guiltily. He didn't know what she was thinking at this point, actually, just figuring that she no longer trusted him with anything sharp.
Taking it, she put it in her pocket before looking back to him. "Anything else?" She asked softly, still tracing random symbols into his palm. He was right with that much, she was making sure he had less ways to hurt himself. The less weapons he had, the less likely he was to injure himself. "Pills, other knives, anything?"
Lucas felt in his pockets for a few seconds before he shook his head. "No, just that. I've never had any kind of pills…" He started toying with a strand of his hair with his free hand again, struggling to meet Melissa's eyes.
"Lu," Calling his attention, she reached over to pet his cheek. "Come on, it's me. Did I push things too far?" She asked him, now worried she had messed something up. Though her facial expression was smooth and collected.
He jumped a bit when she touched him and shook his head. "N-No… you're right. I'm just stupid, and… and sick. I-I mean, what kind of person just carries around a pocket knife, especially just for that?" He laughed weakly.
A breath of relief escaped her lips, and a smile overtook her. "Come on, I told you. You aren't stupid, just the things you do are." She hummed, pulling her hand back. "I think you need to eat, and then take a nap. You look tired, and even if you say your aren't, I can tell." She hummed, sipping from her water glass.
Lucas had opened his mouth to deny the fact that he was exhausted, but immediately shut it upon Melissa knowing it was crap. "Alright… if you say so, Mel. I… I'll try my best." He smiled weakly and managed to meet her eyes for a second.
"I'll be around for a little bit, so you can sleep peacefully for a bit." She mentioned, taking his hand in her own once more. Feeling touchy feely, she played with his hand. "Does it get better during the school year?"
"Somewhat. School's kinda good at distracting me, I guess. At the moment, I don't typically have somewhere to be all day." Lucas watched their hands quietly. "I can't really do anything to myself when I'm surrounded by other people who aren't constantly drunk."
"Then we really need to find jobs, and move." She whispered, knowing it was her only option. It was what was best for the both of them. He needed someone to keep an eye on him, and she needed someone just to be around.