forum Marvel AU OxO?

Started November 29, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

tune

Bucky nodded slightly in understanding. He vaguely knew what had happened with Loki, so he didn't need to ask. "Ah. Right." He replied slowly, taking another bite of his food.

Steve took another bite, casually thinking back to the damage that was dealt throughout the city, as if New York wasn't chaotic enough. "Hmph, at least that's over."

Bucky shrugged. "Right. And then there was me, and all the shit that happened because of that." He replied, eyes fixed on his food.

"Bucky," Steve said, looking at him with a tired expression, "HYDRA was the one causing trouble. It wasn't you."

Bucky shrugged. "Same thing." He replied, taking another bite of food, not looking at Steve.

"But you're not HYDRA," Steve muttered, turning back to his meal. There was no point arguing about it now; he would only reply with the same self-condemning words.

"Yes I am." Bucky retorted, glancing at Steve for a moment, then away again. He took another bite of food, shaking his head slightly.

"No, you're not." Steve said, not facing him and going against his decision to having this discussion again.

"Yes, I am." Bucky replied stubbornly, shaking his head slightly. He knew that Steve thought he wasn't, but…but Bucky had been the extension of HYDRA's will for decades.

Steve looked at Tony, thanks for backing me up. He turned to Bucky, "You aren't a nazi. You aren't a terrorist. You aren't bent on world domination. You don't wanna hurt people. You still think you're HYDRA?" Steve shrugged, knowing he was being equally as stubborn and impatient.

"I did everything they wanted me to." Bucky replied. "I killed people, I hurt people. I may not be a nazi or terrorist or whatever, but I still made it possible for them to do a lot of horrible things."

Tony shrugged helplessly in response to Steve's look.

"But they made you do those things," Steve sighed, saying the words for what felt like the hundredth time, "You didn't want to. It's not your fault."

"But the fact remains that I did them." Bucky replied. "It wasn't someone else, it was me." he looked down at his food again.

Be patient, his mind told him. "I'm tired of having this conversation," Steve admitted, finishing his meal and pushing the plate away. "I'm tired because it hurts to hear you try to condemn yourself for something you had no control over. It hurts me, Bucky– to hear you trying to take the blame for this."

Bucky bit his lip slightly, and shrugged. "Sorry. I just…" he trailed off. Even he didn't know why he kept trying to take the blame. "Sorry." he said again, looking away.

"No– don't be sorry, I just–" Steve shook his head, holding his face in his hands for a moment. "I'm sorry," He sighed, "I'm just…anxious. I just want you to see that you're a good person: you don't deserve to suffer the consequences for this."

Bucky shrugged slightly. "I don't remember anything. So." he replied slowly, looking over at Steve and shaking his head. "Sorry."

"It's alright," Steve said with a neutral smile, "It's gonna take some time, but it'll get better."

Bucky nodded a little bit, running a hand through his hair. He kept eating, eyes fixed vaguely on some middle ground, his thoughts retreating inside of himself.

Steve weaved through the sharply-dressed crowd, politely excusing himself from their curious glances as he spotted Bucky. "Hey, how you holdin' up?" He half-whispered, straightening his own tie.

Bucky shrugged slightly, and tugged on the sleeves of his suit jacket. "Uhm. I don't know." his hair was pulled back from his face in a neat, low ponytail, his face cleanshaven. His left hand poked out from his sleeves, all too obviously not flesh and blood and bone.

"Hm," Steve nodded once, offering him a faint smile and trying not to acknowledge how fetching Bucky looked in that suit. "Everything's going well, I think."