Her stomach was churning, and when she felt his protective arms she stopped. Flitting her gaze up to him, nothing could stop more tears from coming. Her lower lip began to whimper, and she held him close. "P-please don't leave me Kasiya." She cried, holding onto him tightly. She was more than scared, but not fully terrified.
"I can't," Joanna told him, her shoulders jerk as she cried into him. "I, can't." She repeated, trying to control her breathing. It wasn't working great, as it only sounded like she was hyperventilating. "Don't leave, he could come back." She sounded like a scared child, here in his arms. "I don't want him to come back."
((OK, but my heart is aching))
((Awww, mine is too))
Kasiya's chest constricted when he saw those tears in her eyes as she looked up at him, and he felt like his very soul would shatter as he held her while she sobbed. His brother had done this. His brother had scared his shortcake, his Joanna, and reduced her to tears as she clung to him. Kas closed his eyes and held her tighter, pressing another gentle kiss to the side of her head.
"I'm not going anywhere, shortcake," he murmured. "I'm not letting him go anywhere near you again, alright? He'll have to go through me, and I'm not going to make it an easy fight." For once, this wasn't a ploy, wasn't a trick to make it easier to win the bet. He was being a hundred percent genuine, and he meant every word that came out of his mouth. He was furious with Redore, but he didn't let that show for Joanna's sake, just held her close and refused to make her feel alone and scared.
Nodding firmly, she pulled away slightly looking up. Her face was flushed a red color, while her eyes were still teary. Her body seemed to be trembling as she stood there with Kasiya. "Y-you promise?" Hiccuping, she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "Really truly, you promise?" Quite honestly, she expected him to say yes. There was no rhyme or reason to it, besides the fact her emotions were being screwy and he seemed rather trusting.
Joanna sucked in a shaky breath, leading a hand up to his face. She had to stand on her toes to reach him, but she didn't care. Her lips were still shaky, but they curled up into a smile. Hot tears slipped down her cheeks, as she starred up into his marvelously dark eyes. "You really promise?"
He smiled faintly as he looked down at her, keeping his arms firmly around her even as she pulled away some. He never wanted to see her like this again, never wanted her to fear his brother like he had feared Redore when he was a kid—sometimes now he still feared him, depending on what psychotic plan his twin had up his sleeve. Kas tightened his hold on her with one arm while his other hand came up to gently wipe away her tears.
"I promise," he whispered to her, swiping his thumb over her cheek to catch a fallen tear. "I'm not leaving for as long as you want me near." Kasiya wasn't a liar, and this was far from a lie as he met her gaze with his determined one. Okay, so maybe—just maybe—he was getting more attached to Joanna than he should be, but he didn't care about that right now, or perhaps anymore. All he wanted was for Jo to be safe and happy, not afraid for her life because of something he had drug into her life unwillingly.
Hearing those reassuring words she relaxed completely. She titled her head into his hand, eyes falling closed. A calm demeanor was about her, even while she was sniffling and trembling. It was quiet in here, so Joanna focused her thoughts on that. The super strange quiet, besides the soft echo of the kitten walking around and her shaky breathing. A word hadn't escaped her lips since he had promised her he wasn't going to leave. So sucking in a deep breath, she spoke some words she wouldn't expect would be directed at him.
"Thank you."
Voice soft, and low, she began to finally fully calm down. Her eyes fluttered open, to meet his strong gaze. So unique, so gratifying. It was odd how they were so different from his brother's, yet the exact same. There were so many similar differences between the two, that Joanna was grateful for as of this moment. His features were friendlier, and kinder than the other. Kasiya was gentle with her, almost treating her as if she were delicate. They were the little things that mattered. As they were the things here, calming her fears.
Thoughts raced through his mind, confusing him and his intentions as they whispered into his ear, showed pictures behind his eyes, echoed haunting sounds in his head. Kas closed his eyes to try and silence his mind, resting his forehead against the top of her head.
The bet he had made was pointless now. She knew about Redore, was hurt by him, and Kasiya wasn't about to leave when she was in trouble. A month might not be enough time, it might be plenty, he didn't know, but he'd stay either way to make sure Joanna was safe. "The bet's off," he murmured, thumb slowly swiping over her cheek again just because. "I…I had made it because I thought I could protect you from him without telling you anything, but…" He pursed his lips and fought for words. "My brother will do anything to torment me until I'm nothing. I'm not letting him do the same to you, even when I hated you." Hated—past tense. There was no point in lying even if he were a liar.
Her large green eyes widened more. If that was even a possibility. "W-what? You mean…" Her thoughts trailed off, and she lifted her head up. Without much thought, she slid her arms up and around his neck. "This was all to protect me?" Joanna whispered, a look of surprise was on her face. She couldn't believe it. He didn't lie, that wasn't him. He was being 100% honest.
The look never left her face, even as she knew he wouldn't lie about something like this. 'This is so insane, he does care!' Her thoughts echoed, as her heart beat faster. He really did care, for her. Joanna, the hot headed girl that always teased him. He cared. For her. These thoughts wouldn't leave her alone, so she just let them pry at her as she starred up into his eyes.
Kasiya's eyes darted off to the side almost shyly, the hand on her face coming up to rub the back of his neck. "Redore's a psycho, I wouldn't want anyone to suffer as I did—do—because of him. But… yes… I suppose this was all to protect you." He rolled his eyes to the other side of Joanna, still refusing to look at her even when he was trying to pretend like his actions didn't hold any meaning. "Congrats, you got me to go out of my way to focus on you," he drawled, even if a soft smile was threatening to show on his lips.
Truth was, he's always cared about Joanna in some way or another. Yes, he wouldn't wish his brother upon anyone but his worst enemies, but he didn't think he'd go as far out of his way to protect someone as he had with Joanna. He'd likely give them a warning, then skip town for added measure. Not this. Not being there with her to personally make sure she was okay. Not keeping her in the dark as long as possible so she didn't have to know about his horrible brother. Not making a bet that had backfired so he had an excuse to stay by her side.
Joanna was truly something else.
Heart beating fast, she felt that smile of hers' coming to her lips. Nothing could prevent it. A light laugh came with the smile, as her look came from shocked to glad- amused even. "I don't care about that Kasiya," She told him, pulling away just enough. Pulling him along over to the couch, she sat holding his hands in hers'.
She was being as straight forward as she could be. He had been, so why shouldn't she? "I care about the fact someone else cares. Even if it was the last person I was expecting." Riding her eyes of the last of her tears, she let the wide smile take place of her fear not even five minutes ago. "If you didn't know, I care for you. A lot. There's no changing that fact." In attempt to sound genuine, she kept her voice low.
"I always have, and probably always will."
He sat down next to her, though his gaze still avoided her as if he was in denial of the situation. He listened, and he processed, but he couldn't bring himself to think. He's done too much thinking already, and his brain felt like it short-circuited. She cared about him. Not even his past friend had spoken those words, even if Kas had foolishly believed it was an unspoken truth. Not his parents, and he could never see Redore saying that.
With his hands in hers, he looked down at them. His fingers curled around hers and traced mindless circles along her skin. He blinked at the burning in his eyes. "No one…" he whispered, then turned his head away from Joanna entirely as he continued, "I've never had someone care about me. I'm never good enough. I'm the screw-up, the broken one. I'm a no-good troublemaker that just looks for excuses to cause problems. The only other person I thought I could trust left me. I, in turn, never cared about anyone, except that one time, and that backfired." He breathed in deeply, looking up at the ceiling and tipping his head back to rest it against the back of the couch. "You're different. Always have been. Could never figure out why."
Her heart ached at his words. She couldn't believe what he was saying, once again. Every word coming out of his mouth, she would say they were all lies. Every word about himself that was. Each word he spoke, only made her feel even worse for him. "Oh Kasiya…" She whispered, pulling one hand away from his. Reaching over, she place her hand on his cheek, turning his face to look at her.
A slight frown had taken over her smile, and it was clear this bothered her. A lot more than anything before. Leaning in, she placed a sweet and delicate kiss on his cheek. Nothing special, just something to show she was there. "You're not a screw up, you're a human being." She whispered, wrapping her arms around him. "No one is perfect, so why should you be? You know it's true, so don't deny it. Don't lie to yourself, saying it is. Just don't." She told him, gently rocking back and forth. Him still here with her, in her arms.
He finally met her gaze when she forced him to look over at her. He didn't know what he expected, but it wasn't this. It wasn't her getting upset and bothered by how he and others saw him. It wasn't a kiss on the cheek and arms wrapped around him. It wasn't words of reassurance that somehow warmed his heart. But, either way, he was relieved.
Finally, he let himself relax and just let everything go—at least for now. His parents, Redore, nothing mattered at the moment. All that did matter was the strange girl holding onto him as she rocked back and forth, telling him that he wasn't everything he's been told repeatedly. The strange girl that he still couldn't figure out where she fit in his life. Kas wrapped an arm around her and adjusted himself slightly so that his body was facing her a bit more.
"Thank you, Joanna," he whispered, keeping his head resting against the back of the couch while he kept his gaze on her face. He didn't know what else to say besides that. Thank you for unintentionally being there for him when he needed a distraction or simply a friend and support. Thank you for being the person that she was. Thank you for reminding him that life wasn't all about him, but those around him. Thank you for caring about him enough to still be here, despite their rocky frenemy relationship.
((Gosh, I'm sorry it took so long…))
Those simple words put a smile on her lips. She relaxed, resting her head on his chest in a relaxed manner. She was calmed here with him, and she assumed he was too. "Of course Kas, I wouldn't dream of being somewhere else right now." Joanna whispered, curling up closer to him. A soft meow followed by purring was heard, as the little kitten hopped up onto Kasiya's lap. A sweet smile rested on Joanna's lips, as she reached over to pet the little thing.
Her thoughts and emotions were twisting through her mind. Every little thing was confusing while clear at the same time. It was clear she was meant to be here. It was clear he wanted to protect her. It was clear, that she wanted to be here. But that's where things got confusing. Why did she want to be here? What was keeping her here in his arms? Would she always want him to stay close by? Her heart started to beat faster, that last thought was so compelling. Would she? Is that really what she wanted in her life?
'What am I thinking? Why am I thinking?'
She was unable to figure this out. So why contemplate on it, if it was near impossible to figure out? Letting it go, she began to hum softly. "You know, I really never expected to be here. Ever." She whispered.
((It's okay!))
Kas gave up on thinking over the situation, just doing what he did best—winging it and letting life take the reins. He kept his arm around Joanna, though it curled around her a little more when she settled against his side. His other hand lifted when he felt the kitten jump onto his lap, then settled down to stroke it's back as he smiled down at it. Hearing her words, Kas hummed and focused on the cat as he whispered back, "Neither did I." His eyes flicked over to her face as he petted the kitten.
Sitting here, petting a nameless stray with Joanna of all people curled up into his side with her head on his chest, was the last thing he had thought would ever happen to him. Really, he hadn't even considered this a possibility, both with his old feelings towards her and her mutual feelings of dislike. But now things were different, complicated, confusing. He felt perfectly content like this, feeling her weight pressed against him, holding her, simply being there with her. It was all centered around her—around Joanna. He felt content when he was with her, and it wasn't even just this moment, he realized.
No matter when they ran into each other, he felt comfortable around her, like he could tell her anything, share just a bit of his life with her, and let her in just a but more than everyone else. He gave into her habit of wanting attention with barely a thought. He sought her out when he needed something to occupy his mind and time. It was all so strange to him, but he didn't want to give it up anytime soon, especially now that things were clearly different between them.
A light smile curled onto her lips, and with it she looked up to him from her place. Things were different, but a good different. One she didn't mind in the slightest. One she actually looked forwards to, and couldn't wait to see what was made of from this point. It was an odd sensation, who would guess this is really what she craved?
This was what she wanted. Really truly, she wanted this forever. Or at least forever from this moment. Being with Kasiya, his arms around her. This was what she had dreamed about, having someone care. And she managed to fulfill this dream. Or at least part of it. Though she didn't expect him to finish her true wish. Her wish to find someone to love her. If he did love her, it would be news to her, as she didn't consider this love. This was just caring, true caring. Something she lacked most her life, and seemingly him too.
Sucking in a deep breath, she let it out slowly still studying his strong features. He was rather handsome, and Joanna would have admitted that even before this point. She wouldn't lie, he was really captivating in a way. Something was strange, yet gratifying about him. A thing she couldn't name. "If I asked you something, would you be 100% honest with me?"
Kas arched a brow in curiosity, intrigued by her question. "…Yes?" he answered slowly, "Always am." Okay, so maybe he sometimes, on certain occasions, withheld the truth, which was a workaround way of lying, but he wouldn't do that right now. She sounded quite serious, so that's how he'd take it, even if his curiosity's been piqued and he was interested in what she had to ask him that would require that promise.
While he waited, he looked down at the purring kitten, who was trying to climb up his shirt. He smiled and chuckled, then gently slid his fingers under its small belly to guide it up to his chest. It let out a happy squeak, then settled itself under his jaw and curled up happily. Its violent purring vibrated its entire tiny body, making Kas' smile grow just a little bit more.
"Why me?"
She knew this wasn't very clear, but that was what was ebbing at her. Eating her from the inside out. It wouldn't go away, ever since he had come to her less than 24 hours ago. She had tried to ignore it, but it wasn't going to go away that easily. So she had to ask. Why her? Why would he trust her with his life, or with his problems? They knew each other, but just barely. So why?
Assuming he need more information, she continued her question. "Why would you come to me, and trust me, and comfort me? Why would you choose to open up to me, or even talk to me? Why-" She stopped, her voice falling short. With a heavy sigh, she pulled away from his grip to get a better look of him. "Why are you still here with me?"
Kas frowned at that, not saying anything until she was well and finished with her questions. Again, he didn't know what he was expecting, but that wasn't it. He absentmindedly petted the kitten's back as he thought about it. Also without thinking about it, he tightened his grip on Joanna when she pulled away some. When he realized what he did, that was all he needed to answer her.
"Because you never ran away," he whispered, the words so soft they were almost just a breath of air. He lifted his gaze to the ceiling, begging his eyes to not release the tears itching to be free. Here it was. The first time he's told anyone this. "Growing up… Redore had all of the attention, all of the praise. I was never good enough for my parents. He had magic, I didn't. He was the eldest, I wasn't. He was the smart one, I wasn't. Everything he did was right, everything I did was wrong. When I got fed up… I was thrown out. They abandoned me like they promised. The only people I called friends turned their backs the moment I was out of the picture, running to Redore's side like pathetic little cronies just begging for his attention. I was dying, and no one cared. The only person I called a friend left me when things got bad on my part." He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head side to side, a tick in his jaw. "You never left, no matter what I did. You were always genuine, even with your dislike of me. I valued that more than anything, because I never had that. You stayed." He couldn't continue. His voice left him. His eyes squeezed shut.
Lips slightly parted, tears of her own were coming to her eyes. This wasn't what she expected, but then again she wasn't expecting anything. Her thoughts were swirling, her head was pounding. Nothing she had to say was right, not anything she could do was right. Almost nothing. But what she was thinking, was out of the question. Or was it?
Seeing the pained look on his face, and hearing his broken voice she couldn't stand it. Maybe what she was thinking, was really what he needed. Though she didn't want to screw things up. Her lips closed into a firm line, as she reached over to tilt his face back to hers'. With no words, or no warning, she leaned in resting her lips against his. If she screwed up this forming friendship, so be it. But right now, this is what she thought was right. For once in her life, she really thought this was right.
His mind went blank when he felt her hand on his face, eyes snapping open to look down at her. And then her lips were on his, and he almost completely forgot about what he just confessed. He let out a breath and relaxed into her, grateful. He didn't even know he needed that, so how she knew was beyond him. He gently plucked the kitten off his chest and set it on the couch next to him, then wrapped his other arm around Joanna as he shifted again to face her completely.
His lips pressed into hers for just a moment—a moment that he savored—before he slowly disconnected them to rest his forehead against hers, keeping the distance between their faces incredibly small. "And because you know exactly what I need when I don't even know," he murmured, eyes partially closed as he looked down at the couch between them.
Her movements were slow, and careful. As if not to disturb the setting in the room. "I just guess, and hope I'm right." She whispered, barely biting her lips. Feeling his breath, her own seemingly stopped as she opened her eyes just slightly. Lifting them to study his face, close to her own. Lip slipping from her teeth, she let her breathing continue.
Things were lining up, just barely. 'I want to kiss him again… why do I want to kiss him?' Thoughts groaning, she shut her eyes tightly once more. 'Focus Jo, focus.'She scolded herself, knowing things weren't just going to go away. Things like that never did. "I… you know…" She began, putting a hand to his chest, curling her fingers ever so slightly. "I… I think I just realized something."
His eyes lifted quickly to look up at her when she started to speak. And then her hand was on his chest. He didn't know what was going on or how he felt about the situation, but he wasn't about to shut it down anytime soon. Things were starting to get better, his head wasn't clanging with self-hatred as much anymore, and he felt like a portion of a burden was lifted off his shoulders. He had finally told someone about his messed up life, and he was finally in a slightly better headspace.
Kas was silent for a moment, eyes scanning her face and trying to get a hint as to what she was thinking. He couldn't figure her out, however. But that was just Joanna—always full of surprises, intentional or not. "And what's that?" he murmured, tilting his head to the side a fraction of a fraction to not disturb her.
Breath slow and shaky, she mustered up all the courage she could. "I think… I think I might…well, I…" 'Come on! Just spit it out!' She yelled at herself mentally. Words were coming, but they weren't making any sense to her. How could they to him? It was an oddly terrible feeling, the thing growing in her chest. But she didn't want it to leave, as she got it whenever he was around. Tight knots in her chest, her stomach turned. She always assumed it was her hatred towards him, but things were starting to change. Ever since the night before.
It wasn't so hard to get the words she wanted out, but her thoughts wandered to the after effects. How would he really respond? These intrusive thoughts wouldn't leave, so she shied away from her sentence. "I think I might need to go, to the store. But I don't really want to leave." She mumbled, nuzzling her nose into his, ever so lightly.
Kas was… Well, he was confused, to say the least. He blinked as he tried to understand what was going on, but Joanna wasn't making it any clearer. 'She's not saying what's on her mind,' he concluded, studying her eyes to find the confirmation he needed. He couldn't find what he was looking for, but he didn't want to push her into going past her comfort zone. He bit the corner of his lip, teeth tapping the snake bite piercing there. 'Screw it.'
While he might not want to push her past her comfort zone, he had a strange urge in his chest to keep her near, so not let her go, not now. He hummed in acknowledgment of her statement but seemingly ignored it at the same time as he tipped his head and slowly kissed her again. One arm settled around her waist and held her close as his other arm pressed into the cushion beside her to keep him up since he was leaning over some to better reach her.
Surprised, Joanna had to stop and let her brain catch up to the moment she was in. Once fully caught up, her arms loosely hung around his neck and her eyes fell closed. 'Maybe… maybe I should tell him…' As of the moment, she only cared about kissing him. He was odd, yet charming so. Her heart was pounding in her chest, which she pressed against his to grow closer to him.
With a slight frown, she pulled away from his lips. Wishing she could just stay here, kissing him. "I-I'm sorry… I don't know what I'm doing." She whispered, pulling her arms back from around him. Maybe she was just overly worked from her encounter this morning, or maybe it was from the lack of sleep, but she felt drained. Hazy even, her thoughts getting foggy, she lightly pecked his lips before opening her eyes to look at him. Thoughts weren't clicking, so things were slipping her normally tight guard.
"I…I think I like you…"
Kas blinked, pulling back a small distance as if that would help his brain process those words. 'Surprise after surprise. What's going on in that head of yours, shortcake?' He honestly didn't know how to respond to that. She liked him. How? How could someone like Joanna like him? And it was clear this was more than friendship—he might not have much knowledge in that department, but he was pretty sure friends didn't kiss one another. And he was doing this because he wanted to, not because of the bet he had called off. This was something else.
His hand around her waist came up to her face, lightly and gently brushing over her face and fingers curling around her chin. His thumb lightly tugged on her lips, lips that he had just kissed and wanted to keep kissing. He wanted to stay with Joanna. He wanted a lot, but he's grown so used to not getting what he wanted that he was afraid of what those wants would get him if he voiced them. "Shortcake," he whispered, then closed his eyes and let out a distressed sigh as his head dropped onto her shoulder and his hand fell to her side. "I… I don't want you to go…"
Her whole body stiffened when he dropped his head on her shoulder. Back firm and straight, she let a soft look come to her face. Happy, that's what she was. Happy. Her posture relaxed, as she rested her head on top of his. She didn't want him to go either, so she wrapped her arms around him digging her nose into his fresh cut hair.
"I want you to stay with me." She whispered, reaching for his hand. Taking it, she laced their fingers, holding his larger hand tightly. "Especially now, I really want you to be with me." Meaning every word, she ran her thumb over the top of his hand delicately. "As long as it can last, I want you close."
A small but undeniably happy smile lit up his face, though it was still hidden from her. She wanted him to stay with her. She didn't want him to leave. That was something different, but he was not going to question it. He happily let Joanna lace their fingers together as he simply sat in awe of the situation for a few seconds.
"Then I'll stay," he murmured, his soft smile still there. "Long as you'll tolerate me, I won't leave." He hummed as a thought came to him, smile turning into an amused smirk. "Though, we've tolerated each other for quite some time already, so it might not be that bad. Then again, that was with the barrier of space." The moment was getting a little too serious for him, but he was happy nevertheless. Happy that Joanna had chosen him. Happy that he was still welcome in her life despite everything. Happy he was here now, with her.
Joanna just listened to his voice, drowning out his actual words. Right now, they didn't matter. She had caught his first sentence, I'll stay, so what else mattered from there? Head resting on his, her grip lessened on his hand. 'Man…I'm so tired…' She thought, before she began to hum softly. The two were here, together, and happy. Or she assumed Kasiya was happy. There was no guarantee, but she was going to hope and assume he was.
"What does this mean?" She asked softly, leaning over into the back of the couch. Gently, she used her free hand to run her fingers through his hair. "Like, do you like me too? Or is it a one sided feeling?" Asking in a mumble, she sucked in a deep breath to focus better.
"It's not a one-sided feeling," Kas was quick to correct, even if he didn't totally understand how he felt about her. Here he was, thinking he just wasn't attracted to anybody and accepting that, but then Joanna happened. Then he started to get to know her. Then he continuously sought her out no matter how far apart they might be. Then he wanted to protect her. Then he wanted to stay with her. It was all so confusing, but he did know for a fact that Joanna was special, and he was willing to say that he felt the same about her as she did about him.
He sucked in a slow breath, gently pulling away from her to adjust himself. His head's been working too much as of late, so many confusing thoughts and attempts at picking apart his emotions. He just wanted to sit back and relax. So he did. He turned around and lied on his back across the couch, using Jo's legs as a pillow as he stared up at the ceiling.
