forum Glitches // OxO // Closed

Started November 27, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

tune

"Well, what do you think we should do?" Jude asked him, turning his hand over and tracing light patterns over his palm. "Because…I don't want this to stop, but it'll be better for you if we do, you know what I mean?"

"I don't want to stop either." Nyx replied softly, looking up at Jude and biting his lip at the light touches. He swallowed.

"But d'you understand that not stopping now is going to sting later?" Jude sighed, remembering his melancholy week in Vienna after leaving L.A. That was a time of weakness, where he'd realized how painful a thing like love could be, promising himself that he wouldn't be so careless again. But now he was at a crossroad of naiveté and his better judgement. And the final question was facing him; was he willing to gamble on this feeling? To roll a loaded dice with the knowledge of their inevitable end?

Nyx slowly nodded, looking up at Jude. "…yeah." But I'd rather my first heartbreak be with you than someone who can never know that I'm not entirely flesh and blood.

"Like…a lot." Jude told him, trying to decipher if Nyx was agreeing– that it was a bad idea, or he was acknowledging that it was a risk he was also willing to take. But why would he want this? Me? I don't know if this is worth it, It'll only hurt him. "You'll be sad for quite a while."

Nyx took a deep breath. "I know. But…but I'd rather my first heartbreak be with you." his voice was quiet. "Because you'll…probably be the only one to ever know…about this." he gestured to his legs, to where the metal of his cybernetic parts shone in the light.

"Oh," Jude sighed, his eyebrows pushing together and feeling a wave of sadness for Nyx; who felt so much wonder for the world; a lust for life and living that wasn't so present in the majority of people today. "But you're so much more than this," He told him quietly, referring to the metal parts, "And people– they'll understand, eventually. You're gonna find so many others who'll love you regardless."

Nyx shrugged a little. "Maybe they will, maybe they won't." He replied softly. "And…" He shrugged again, glancing up at Jude for a moment.

"Yeah, maybe some won't, but some will." Jude told him, silently praying that he'd be okay once he was gone, that he'd stay out of harm's way and live a life worth living for. "Please don't let yourself get hurt over me, just because I treat you equally, there will be others– who'll make you feel so much happier, I promise."

Nyx nodded a little bit. "Okay." he said softly. He swallowed, studying Jude for a long moment. His hand was still in Jude's. "I still…I'd rather it be you." his voice was quiet, a little hesitant.

Jude let out a breathy chuckle, giving his hand a faint squeeze, "You don't mean that," He smiled softly. Why would he settle for something– someone who would just end up as a pained memory? For Jude, this wasn't settling, this was a second chance. Unfair, so unfair, risky– too, but he could help his feelings towards him.

(I gtg)

Nyx shrugged a little bit. "I don't know enough about anything to…I know that you'll at least be patient with me, but I don't know…" he looked away, eyes flickering to the floor. He shrugged again. "But if you don't want…we don't have to."

You have no idea how much I want this, Jude thought, painfully looking at Nyx like he could hear him through his expression. "I want this." He confessed, though it felt more like a reminder, but if that's what it took for them to be together– "And I think…I want this enough to go against my better judgement." Jude said, his heart opening the floodgates of adrenaline and delivering mixed signals towards his facade of neutrality, Yes, I'm saying yes. This is, a good thing.

Nyx looked up at Jude, blinking, startled. "You…you do?" he asked softly, biting his lip uncertainly. "So we can…stop the…tiptoeing?"

“Yeah.” Jude said with a nod, a hopeful smile making its way into his face. In this moment his whole world became brighter, louder— even in the silence of his lonely apartment, like the comfort of a cigarette high that lightened the weight off his shoulders. He bit his lip in a quiet excitement, “Yeah, we can stop the tiptoeing.”

(just a heads up— i’m not gonna be super active this weekend; i’m visiting some family :)

Nyx smiled back, looking up at Jude with that innocent, happy smile. "Good." He replied. He leaned forward, pressing his mouth hesitantly to Jude's, closing his eyes.

(It's fine! Have fun!)

Jude almost collapsed into the kiss, his shoulders softening in relief, like he’d been underwater and this was his first breath of air. His hands found their way to the nape of his neck, pushing him closer and kissing him back with a quiet hunger.

Nyx kept his eyes shut, holding onto Jude. He wound his arms around Jude, holding the other male as close as possible. He wanted this. He really, really did. Even though he knew that it wouldn't end happily, that he wouldn't have anything like a happily ever after, he still wanted this.

Jude leaned back, his back meeting the cushioned armrest and taking Nyx with him as he slid back, his pulse thrumming in his ears, a blinking code telling him finally. Finally, they were together. His skin shivered at Nyx’s arms pressed around him, knowing well that he could crush him at any moment, but he wasn’t, because Jude was someone to him.

Nyx was essentially in Jude's lap now, not that he minded all that much. He smiled into the kiss, running a hand through Jude's hair, down his back, amazed at all these feelings that could be wrapped up in one simple act. Or not so simple.

Jude kissed him with a buzzing happiness, the same feeling he had when Nyx kissed him on the
field that day, a mixture of hope, craving, hesitancy, and adrenaline crowding his thoughts and translating through their bodies pressed together like this. If this was a dream, it would be a very, very cruel one to wake up from.

Nyx's eyelashes brushed against Jude's face as they kissed, parting his mouth and deepening the kiss. He wanted this more. More and more and more of it.

Jude ran his hands through Nyx’s hair, wanting to tell him so many things and letting his tongue do the talking. Every touch and shift were like little shocks of static, making Jude shiver at the thought of the lack of distance between them.

Nyx shivered a little at the touches, body pressing against Jude's as their tongues slid together, leaving almost no distance between them. Now he really was in Jude's lap, straddling the other male's legs.

Jude took a quick breath, presently aware of Nyx's weight over his hips and that he wouldn't stay soft for long. Fuck. He ran a hand over Nyx's thigh, moving up his side and to his shoulders, pushing him away for a moment and swallowing, "Hold on a minute, I'm getting dizzy."

Nyx opened his eyes a little bit, studying Jude with a racing pulse and quick breaths. He nodded slightly. "Okay." He said softly, settling back a little bit to give Jude some space.

Jude shook his head softly and rubbed his eyes, looking at the room through eyes that felt like they'd been staring at lights for too long. He let out an unexpected laugh, biting his lip in an attempt to hide his grin. "This feels like a dream, oh–" Jude chuckled in disbelief, running his hands down Nyx's sides.

Nyx wasn't able to hide the way he leaned into Jude's touches. He smiled a little. "I don't dream, so I'll have to talk your word for it." He replied softly. He smiled at Jude.

"Well, it feels a little something like right now." Jude smiled, amused at his own thoughts that were slurred and incoherent. "Just… pretty." He said softly, meeting eyes with Nyx and at a loss for words in the way he felt at this moment. "Like that day on the field– that was dreamlike."

Nyx swallowed, and nodded a little bit, still smiling. "Oh." he replied softly, running a hand through his hair as he looked at Jude. He was still essentially in Jude's lap, though now he was settled further back, closer to Jude's knees than his waist.