"I mean– in the first one; their father is so ashamed of them, and he turns them into stars. In the second," Jude took a breath, "They wanted to be free from someone who…loved them, I guess. But they didn't love him back…So they left this world and found their own place in the universe…" Jude bit his lip, thinking of how the same myth could be applied to two different people.
Nyx's eyes flickered. He shrugged a little. "Still." He replied, picking at a loose thread on his shorts for a moment. Never good enough for anything. Just a stupid experiment and I couldn't even do that right. They abandoned me for a year and they probably would never even have come back and… And Jude was his first kiss, he realized. His first real kiss, and the other didn't even want him in that way. He bit his lip slightly.
"You know–" Jude said, still looking at the sky, "I really think you'll find your place in the universe." Jude wasn't sure where his place was, but for now, it was with Nyx, and that had to be enough for him, whether it was romantically, or just platonically– and then Nyx would go. Jude was a silent Orion, who knew he should be hurting Nyx– the sisters, this way, but at that moment where they were together, tangled beneath a spotted sky of black sea– he couldn't help it.
"I don't think I have one." Nyx replied. "I'm just some experiment that got thrown away when they couldn't get me to work right." He rested his chin on his knees, looking down at the ground now. "And if I'm being realistic, I don't have a chance at being normal anyways. Even if I could somehow find a way to fit in, I can't leave this building. They…the company owns me same as they own all the other experiments."
"You know– that's what I thought, for a long while. I thought I was a 'mistake,' because I couldn't do certain things the way my father wanted. That put me down an…unhealthy path, but I find new reasons to live every day." He said, sitting up and facing Nyx. He sat crisscrossed and rolled up his right sleeve, not caring if Nyx saw his track marks. Letters, words, and doodles covered almost every inch of his forearm with some reading; 'Birds, Vodka, Super Mario Odyssey, Macy (the cat), Disney films, poetry, my projects, CIGARETTES, Walt Whitman, and a very faded but drawn over again 'Nyx.'
Jude sighed and knew he was about to say something he'd regret, but he had to try, say anything, to fix this.
"But what if…I own the company?"
Nyx shrugged a little. At Jude's last comment, he gave a humorless laugh. "Then you'd be one of the few people who legally own another person." He replied with another shrug. His blue eyes still studied the pavement, not looking up.
"I'm trying my best," Jude shrugged, "Trying to make things right for you." His exposed arm was cold in the night air, and his breath was beginning to cloud. He checked his watch, seeing that the moving guys were probably already working on the rewiring. "I don't know what to do, just trying." Jude said, trying to meet Nyx's blue gaze.
Nyx sighed softly. And what is the right thing? Am I just a project to you, or do a get to be a person, too? He swallowed. You are being irrational. The cybernetic side of him said, and he raked a hand through his hair. Damn you. He retorted to his own brain, not even sure why he was being like this.
"You deserve so much better than this," Jude motioned to the towering building behind them, "so much better than me," He muttered, "I'm trying to treat you the same as everyone, the thing is, that you're not like anyone I've ever met…I'm sorry If I offended you– with the kiss," Jude said softly, studying Nyx's troubled expression and offering his apologetic one.
Nyx rubbed his face with his hands. "No, I just…" at the apology, he closed his eyes. "That's not…I…" he stood up. "I think I've been out of my pod for too long. It's probably just mental overload or something." he couldn't meet Jude's eyes, instead looking up at the sky again and trying to avoid Jude's gaze.
"Hmm, yeah. Okay." Jude said slowly, "They're probably installing it as we speak…do you wanna go inside?" He asked, looking down at the pavement beside them. I need a smoke.
Nyx nodded a little. "Yeah. I guess." he replied, letting out a faint sigh. He didn't know what to say, or do. Or…or anything. He ran a hand through his hair again, looking down at his toes for a long moment. After that kiss…and…he was a mistake. He knew that. But…he wished he could be more than that. But he knew he couldn't be.
Jude nodded, rising slowly and picking up his closed laptop.
"Don't worry, they won't judge you. They're really into this type of stuff, and they're pretty chill." He said, looking towards the door, hearing the short hums of a drill and the scraping of metal.
Nyx nodded, and followed Jude inside quietly. He let out a breath, putting his hands in his pockets. He wanted to shut down. He was having a hard time with…with all this. And he didn't know why. It was only a kiss. Just a mistake. That was all. So why couldn't he get it out of his head? Why?
Jude's thoughts came to a pause right before going inside, Once I go inside, this moment will be over. He sighed, wanting to stop and turn around, I won't be able to say anything more on the topic, I have to move on from it. Jude breathed in, really wanting to stay outside for a moment longer and say what he was thinking. I feel things for you, I wanted to kiss you, I want to, again. Let me do it again. It won't happen again. I won't do it. His thought ricocheted off of one another, debating if it was too late to push him back outside. Alas, it was, too late, and he was greeted with bright lights and arguing friends hunched over a plethora of cables against the wall.
Nyx was silent as he followed Jude inside. His eyes flicked to the group by the wall, and he crossed his arms loosely, uncomfortable and not sure what to say or do. He glanced at Jude for help, but then all he could think of was falling and landing on top of him, and that stupid kiss. He had wanted it. Had liked it, and Jude…had pushed him away and essentially told him it was a mistake, it wouldn't happen again. Even if Nyx wanted it to happen again.
Jude cleared his throat, watching as his their arguing stopped and they turned to face them, smiles and excited greetings already in play. He smiled awkwardly; genuinely happy to see them, but still shaken by the whirlwind of emotions he'd gone through. The three men jogged over, all talking over each other loudly, shaking hands and hugging him. Jude laughed and greeted them back, thanking them multiple times, "This is Nyx." He said, gesturing to him, "Nyx, this is Morris, Clive, and Tim."
Nyx gave a hesitant wave with his right hand, a tiny smile flickering across his face. He hesitated, and raked his hand through his hair nervously. He felt dwarfed by all these people, and he shifted slightly, studying each of Jude's friends.
"All's done," Morris said with a nod and a smile. The others chimed in, agreeing as they slowly waved and moved back toward the door, wishing them well and that it was nice to meet Nyx. Jude chuckled, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "High school," He smiled before turning back to face Nyx's pod in the corner of the room.
"D'you think they did okay?"
Nyx frowned a little, and inspected the pod. He nodded a little. "Yeah. It's fine." He replied. "Thank you." He put his hands in his pockets, looking at the pod still, not at Jude. He didn't know what to say, so he settled for nothing.
Jude nodded, "Did you wanna…sleep?" He asked, after all, that is what Nyx wanted, right? To just have a break from Jude and his overwhelmingness. That seemed plausible. "I'll be here tomorrow with a bunch of equipment– so we can get started." He said, looking down, almost feeling guilty. Deep down, he didn't want to start working. Jude knew that once he was finished helping Nyx, he would leave him, to go out and live life–without him. But the better part of him knew that this is what had to be done.
Nyx nodded, and climbed into the pod. "It isn't sleep." He replied after a moment. "Not the way you see sleep as." He shrugged a little, then nodded again. "Alright. Thank you." He wished Jude would kiss him again. But he knew that that wasn't happening anytime soon.
Jude sighed, softly smiling as he walked close to Nyx's pod, resting his arm there and looking at him. What it be so bad if I tried again? He asked himself, glancing at Nyx's mouth, Definitely. Not a good idea. He answered.
"Yeah," Jude said quietly, trying to hide his nervous smile, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Nyx smiled faintly. "Alright. Good night." He replied slowly. He lay down and plugged himself in. Shutdown initiated. His eyes flickered shut. The last thing he thought of was that damn kiss again, and how much he wanted to feel Jude's mouth against his own again.
Jude sighed, running his hand over the edge of the pod, gently, before heading towards the door. As soon as he stepped outside, he groaned. Why do you break everything you touch? Jude asked himself, tugging at a strand of hair as he walked towards his car. "Always, always, always." He muttered to himself angrily.
That night, Jude lay awake in his oversized bed, staring straight at the ceiling fan above, trying to follow a singular blade as it whirred in a circle, catching the moon's glow every time it came around. Maybe if he figured out how to focus on one thing at a time, fewer people would get hurt. The fan–life, it seemed, moved slower if he would just focus.
Nyx lay silently, asleep. Or as close to sleep as he could be, anyways. His breathing was deep and even, as was his heartbeat. But there, alone in that building…he looked small. Small and thin and so very alone.
Morning came and Jude was exhausted; his tired eyes showing so. He had hauled every bit of equipment from 3D printers to biochemical containment units, to rewiring material and waterproof wires, to everything else he could fit into the back seat and trunk of his car. He flicked the light to his 'lab' on and started to unload the boxes.
Jude finally finished, "begin system start-up." He said, really wanting to see Nyx.
The pod slid open, and Nyx sat up, blinking and unplugging himself. He looked over at Jude. A faint smile traced at his mouth for just a moment, and he climbed out of the pod. "Good morning." He said with another little smile.
"Morning," Jude greeted, glad to see him. He sighed and gestured to the boxes scattered by his feet,
"I brought some stuff. Hopefully, by the end of today, you'll have some new touch–or, nerve endings with some artificial skin." He laughed, barely believing what he'd said. "Oh–and I brought my laptop and charger, so you can watch or look stuff up while I work on stuff." Jude smiled, setting them on a desk nearby.
Nyx smiled. "Oh. Thank you." He said softly, looking over at Jude. Is it bad that the only thing I want from you is another kiss? He wondered, biting his lip for a moment. He inhaled, knowing it probably was a bad thing. He shouldn't want that. He couldn't want that. Not when Jude didn't want him like that.