"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)
It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush
"Is Mercutio a thot?"
"Yes."
Turns to other friend
"See! I was right!"
"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)
It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush
The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same
"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)
It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush
The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same
Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.
"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)
It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush
The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same
Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.
They're MaRrIeD jYn
Therapy would never help that three year old
"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)
It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush
The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same
Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.
They're MaRrIeD jYn
Therapy would never help that three year old
"Mom, why is one of my dads falling apart?"
"…………"
"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)
It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush
The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same
Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.
They're MaRrIeD jYn
Therapy would never help that three year old"Mom, why is one of my dads falling apart?"
"…………"
"We'll tell you when you're older."
"You strumpet!"
Excited whisper "That means whore!"
"Well, your mother is a bawdy lily-livered codpiece!"
"Which one?"
"Hey, that's not the Cardinal Way."
"No, but it is the Bardinal Way."
"……fuck."
I was singing a Barbie song and my sister asked what it was from and when I told her about Barbie's character, she didn't know. But I was pretty sure she'd seen it so as a joke I held up my hand and said, "But father I don't want to be king! I want to be. A. Botanist!" And she said "OHHH THAT ONE"
Apparently me gently poking fun at one of the characters is the thing that made her remember and not, you know.. the plot
“it’s like popping a boner, but softball”
I’m concerned
you should be
“it’s like popping a boner, but softball”
I’m concerned
you should be
K but catching a good pop fly is one of the most satisfying feelings ever.
The little crack-thwump as it lands in your glove? Chef's kiss
“it’s like popping a boner, but softball”
I’m concerned
you should be
K but catching a good pop fly is one of the most satisfying feelings ever.
The little crack-thwump as it lands in your glove? Chef's kiss
oml yess i did that today and it was so great
"i always look forward to seeing what your hair color will be this week!" my English teacher @ me
in personal development
"Girls how do you properly ask a boy out" my teacher
my gay ass "I dont"
"most of my friends have daddy issues"
"dont you have them?"
"people call me daddy, i dont really see that as something i can control"
"But does he pass…..the C H A D C H E C K?"
"There are carrots EVERYWHERE!"
“You’re a geese”
“That would be goose”
“But Grass* is a flock of gooses”
*Grass is the nickname of one of my friends
—
“Why are you throwing my eyeball??”
Friend: Have you ever thought about if cheese got scabs, would it look like Cheetos?
Me: I haven't because I'm not on crack
Friend: I'm trying
Me, a moment later: No because Cheetos are dusty and when you get scabs it's not dusty it's just wrinkly and Cheetos aren't wrinkly
Friend: Ew now I'm thinking about powdery skin
Me: You brought that on yourself
Friend: Ew now I'm thinking about powdery skin
Me: You brought that on yourself
As a fun fact, did you know that Victorians actually ATE and SNORTED the dried remains of mummies found in Egyptian crypts and pyramids? Once they ran out of mummies, some intelligent entrepreneurs got the brilliant idea to use desiccated corpses of prisoners instead! Ain't history lovely?
Brb, gonna go snort some mummy to help with my cold!
We're out of mummies, remember? Go put some hangman's fat in your tea, it'll do the same thing.
I guess I'll have to make my own mummy.
Wouldn't be the first time…
Go get some leeches they'll help
I was thinking about some cocaine tooth drops myself.
"Hot sauce is not a balanced breakfast."
-Trombonist to another trombonist who was downing hot sauce packets and refused to eat anything else"…Therefore, a tree is a sandwich."
-Some people were having an argument about whether a hot dog was a sandwich and a mellophone interrupted saying that technically almost anything could be a sandwich and proceeded to defend his case."Go the fuck to sleep."
-Nearly everyone at some point.
Okay the mellophoneness is so accurate, it hurts (I'm a mello, so I would know)
"I still think we should've named it the Tony Stark Memorial High School."
"She's just Discount Danny DeVito."
"She said my podcast was very professional. I opened with the 'cocaine ruin your brain' vine."
"Why aren't we practicing CPR on dummies with boobs too? Wouldn't those be helpful to practice for?"
"Yeah, but they thought the boys would get too inappropriate. Someone already tried making out with the full-body male dummy a few blocks ago."
"It's not top or bottom! It's locomotive or caboose!"
"Jake, you forkwaffe! Get off the piano!"
"Hi, I'm Logan. I want to die and my girlfriend's hot!"
"I'm the gayest goose"
"This music makes me feel like a train crashed and our band director's killing the euphoniums"
"MARCHING SEASON'S COMIN BACK Y'ALL!" "It's the middle of January, shut the frick up!"
-Stuff I have said to my section.
"If you breathe too strongly, you'll crush the baby's lungs like grapes."
"Cool, so I'm never gonna do CPR on a baby ever."
"I found a 34 part podcast on israel keys and if you think I'm not going to binge it all you would be very wrong."