I'm sorry, please don't be mad I'm just having a really hard time right now and I felt like that was a good way of expressing this, but now I realize it was a really bad mistake on my part and yet again I proved just how little I know about being able to talk to other people. I'm just really tired of being the one people turn to for help but never knowing how to do it myself and bring afraid to because I know what it's like to have everyone along me to help with this kind of thing. I'm also to afraid to even type this out to were anyone else will ever see it, I just… I needed to type this out. And… If someone ever does read this, I just asked that you don't post a quote of this or respond to this, because I've made a lot of comments like this and I really can't face this right now. So… Thanks for reaching this, I guess. SECOND EDIT: I'm so glad I did this in an edit instead of posting this this way, I honestly don't think I'm able to handle t this right now and I really didn't think people would actually quote me
It's okay just… these things should only be around if it's safe enough.
My Sad Bean With A Laptop side is kicking in
I honestly think I'm one of the worst people on this site and I'm ruining it for everyone. I half expect people to start coming after me on the Rudeness Chat after I unfollowed it.
Okay. No. You're not one of the worst persons on this site at all! In fact, you're a wonderful hooman bean, and like everyone else, no matter your actions, past or present, or your background, we all deserve to be treated with respect. If people are not abiding by this, let me know which person(s) I need to have a talk with.
I honestly think I'm one of the worst people on this site and I'm ruining it for everyone. I half expect people to start coming after me on the Rudeness Chat after I unfollowed it.
Okay. No. You're not one of the worst persons on this site at all! In fact, you're a wonderful hooman bean, and like everyone else, no matter your actions, past or present, or your background, we all deserve to be treated with respect. If people are not abiding by this, let me know which person(s) I need to have a talk with.
No, it's just who I am. I tend to push people away before they push me away. And I honestly am such an asshole, I made so many people hate me, and now I want to die.
I'm sorry, please don't be mad
………… did I miss something?
I also found the most hilarious thing a celebrity has ever posted.
It was MGK, and his daughter made a cupcake. The note said "You shouldn't eat this cupcake, but I know you're going to."
And that's a perfect representation of me.
AfTeR bEiNg ReAl SiCk FoR aWhIlE, I sTiLl FeEl LiKe CrAp! :)
I honestly think I'm one of the worst people on this site and I'm ruining it for everyone. I half expect people to start coming after me on the Rudeness Chat after I unfollowed it.
Heh, don't try that on me bud. I've only seen amazingness and love from you and also I'm obviously the worst here so there's that.
It was nothing don't worry about it this is a continuation of my last post. I'm just… So tired of not being able to trust people. Even my fucking boyfriend; I'm terrified to both a) tell him I'm actually suicidal and b) that I'm poly, but suppressing it because I feel like he'd want me to himself and would break up with me if he found out. I also really, really hate that I can't fucking cry unless it's interfering of my dad or more recently my mom because they just push me too far and I break down. I CAN'T EVEN CRY ON MY OWN FOR GOD'S SAKE. I feel like everyone is judging me, and that I can never do anything right. Theonly reason I'm not dead right this very moment is because of my Christianity and my deep-seated fear of going to hell and never bring able to get rid of the pain.
I hate when I'm so afraid to be vulnerable. It's like I don't trust anyone.
I hate when someone asks if I'm okay and I say I am because I don't want to inconvenience them with my problems.
I hate when someone tells me I should be better when I work hard and then it's not enough.
I hate feeling like this.
H e l p.
I totally understand the not trusting people thing. I think it drives this one friend of mine crazy because he can somehow always tell when I'm feeling down and depressed when we FaceTime but I'll always deny it and put on a fake face so I don't have to talk about my feelings. But, the one time I did share something personal with him I was so scared but relieved after. He really helped me out and I encourage you to share your feelings next time someone close to you asks you what's wrong. Even if I don't necessarily follow that advice myself.
That also might help with when someone tells you to be better because whatever you do is enough.
(Hey guys, big block of text coming.)
Hey guys, just wanted to let you guys know a couple things. Each and every single one of you is an incredible, amazing, and awesome person. Maybe you push people away, and that's part of your personality. Maybe you try to be friends with everyone, and some people don't like you for that. So what? That's what makes you you, and if you want to change that, recognizing what you want to change is the first step. And if someone asks how're you're doing, don't be afraid to be honest. Don't be afraid to tell them that you're not okay. Because if you're not okay, people need to know, if they are going to help you. Don't be afraid to make mistakes in life. We're not perfect. No one is. And if anyone thinks you are, tell them you have a message from me. Because humans can never be perfect. Animals are never perfect. If I'm being honest, I think we should use animals as someone to look up to. They live their life, carefree. They don't care what anyone thinks about them, their entire life is devoted to survival. Does that mean they work alone? No, they work as family, they team up to form packs, herds. Teamwork is an important part of their everyday life. Predators versus prey. Is it true that only the lucky survive, that only the lucky and naturally talented-born survive in this harsh world that we are born into? No. It is merely coincidence. What is lucky is that when we are born into this harsh world, and forced to live, that we have friends, family, online family and friends to back us up. We're very fortunate to have this. There are so many tools at our disposal, it pains me to look around and see how many people are declined access to support, to love, to appreciation. So many people in this world don't know that there are so many people out there that are willing to tell you just how special and unique you are. What a miracle it is that you're even alive. It's a gamble just to birth a baby into this world. Really, it's a miracle that any of us are even alive, that we've grown up. That we've made it past infantry, past toddlers. And… it's important that we all recognize that ourselves are wonderful human beings, and that you deserve the right to be treated with respect, to feel like you belong in this world (and you do), just as anyone else does.
i’m so so stressed for an audition this week
i’ve wanted a lead so badly and this might be my last chance for a while and i don’t think i’m going to get it
i’ve literally wanted to play this part for like six years now and i might finally get the chance but i feel like someone else will get it and it crushes me
ughhhh i’m about to cry why do i care about a stupid audition so much and normally i wouldn’t bother y’all but i feel like most of my irl friends either wouldn’t get it or in direct competition with me and i don’t wanna complain about this to them
(Omg Izzy this is why we all love you.)
Hey.
It's not stupid. That's awesome you're still trying as hard as you can! Take deep breaths, try to calm yourself. You're going to do as well as you can, just act confident, and pretend like you know exactly what you're doing. I might not audition for plays, like some people do, but I get the stress of an audition. I've done that before. I still do that, twice a year. And I'm sorry I don't know you in real life, because if I did, I'd give you a nice big hug, because it seems like you could use one. Also, a tip - you're probably going to do way better than you think you did.
(Omg Izzy this is why we all love you.)
(Nahhhh I don't usually write big blocks of text like that, but when I do – it's usually when I feel like it's easier to talk to all of you in general than addressing each individual issue.)
i’m so so stressed for an audition this week
i’ve wanted a lead so badly and this might be my last chance for a while and i don’t think i’m going to get it
i’ve literally wanted to play this part for like six years now and i might finally get the chance but i feel like someone else will get it and it crushes me
ughhhh i’m about to cry why do i care about a stupid audition so much and normally i wouldn’t bother y’all but i feel like most of my irl friends either wouldn’t get it or in direct competition with me and i don’t wanna complain about this to them
It's alright to care about something, no matter how dumb you think it is! If you care about it, it's obviously important to you and what's important to you is important to me and should be important to the people that care about you, because you are important to them. I'm sure you'll do great if you've wanted this for six years and still want it <3
thanks Izzy you’re gonna make me cry (i’m a huge crybaby lol)
also that big paragraph you wrote was awesome! you’re such a kind and cool person and thank you!!! :D
and thank you Jay you’re so sweet and totally right, i’ve just gotta not freak out :D
(just gotta look at this audition in perspective…)
<3333333
Awww, thanks. I try my best to help everyone on here, and stay positive… it's way easier to do that online to be honest. I don't need to worry about what I should do, I can't see the people crying… (No offense, I just get totally stuck in social situations where I know I should comfort that person but I don't know how because I'm absolute trash at that.)
(Omg Izzy this is why we all love you.)
(Nahhhh I don't usually write big blocks of text like that, but when I do – it's usually when I feel like it's easier to talk to all of you in general than addressing each individual issue.)
(Ok but you're just so encouraging and you always try to help lift people up when they feel like they can't do it themselves <3)
I somehow put my pixie cut into a low ponytail
Also, no problem Elle! That's what I'm here for and I'm just glad I could help
And Izzy, I think it's easier to be positive online too, tbh. I'm on the same boat so no offense taken.
m forgot my goddamn nb password lel so i gotta use her ac
I somehow put my pixie cut into a low ponytail
The best feeling in the world
My playlist takes you on mega mood swings. Like, you could hear Taylor Swift and feel warm and fuzzy, and then comes Returns or Venom or something and you just wonder what happened.
