forum (OPEN AGAIN!!!!) I'm in the mood to critique people's characters! Drop them off if you want :)

Started July 18, 2019 by @Kaloobia

tune

@Kinarymo wow I made you wait so long that there's even artwork now ;-; I'm sorry for the wait, here we go!
Hanami:

• My my, all your characters are so beautiful!!! haha I'd be curious to see a couple who are not defined by/described with their Gorgeous Looks, but that's just a small personal comment than anything specific or even a critique. Something to think on I guess
• A nitpick, what kinds of bangs? in hair style
• Are angels (which I'm assuming Hanami is) only born very rarely? and if so, in the case of inhumanely Good People? Because then it would make sense, for Hanami to be so literally PERFECT, so flawless.
• I'm surprised there's no cynicism, or bitterness, or anything negative on his part after being immortal for SO LONG.
• I've seen no evidence of this ""imposing seraph"" in his profile yet? How does this form tie into his character, how does it meld perhaps with his kinder, genuine side?
• It's hard for me to genuinely critique an ANGEL, /God, because the whole thing there is that they're other-worldly and superior to humans in their simple being and existence. It's something that bothers me, personally, and I think I can spin that into something for you to think about: how often are people intimidated by Hanami, especially when he shows no signs of any flaws or misgivings? As a general rule humans are attracted to vulnerability and a show of weakness, and with Hanami there doesn't seem to be a lot of that.
• Ok but as usual, your descriptions are SO IN DEPTH and I especially love the Mannerisms, and how he uses Dad Slang.
• I had to stop myself from copy=pasting the entirety of his Prejudice section here so as to prove my point haha, HE IS, IN FACT, CYNICAL AND PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THE MORTAL WORLD. so why do you imply that he "stays positive" after so many millennia or whatever, that everything is dandy and he's still graceful and understanding and a protector of the greater good because he loves the world, when of course, naturally, he's lost at least some hope?? To clarify.
• "he comes off as cold and emotionally detached due to his lack of direct interaction " again, I have seen NO EVIDENCE of this at ALL in his profile until you mention it here, and I think it warrants more details because it only serves to confuse me haha.
• I'm sure you're aware, but Hanami has VERY FEW FLAWS. I will put a pin in this and put it to the side because, again, he's an angel.
• "never talks about his talents" haha ok but surely he HAS them? ;) he's an angel for goodness' sake
• Overall pretty in-depth Nature section, especially for a supporting character! It's just the lack of flaws that puts me on edge. He is over-powered to the max (I say this after going through his Magic section especially, and also this: "Having once been a king, now turned angel, he possesses unlimited knowledge and wisdom, coupled with his flawless manners."), which also troubles me on the first glance. However, he is a supporting character, a possible mentor, and so him being Perfection is not so much a problem because he, and his growth, aren't the focus of the story. Still, for him to have barely evolved even from when he was mortal is, unfortunately, boring. He's very much giving me Mary Sue/ Gary Stu vibes haha, which even for a divine being is off-putting: think of the Ancient Greek divinities, who's petty spats and flaws literally caused the mortal world to burn on several occasions, or even Capital G God from the Old Testament, who lied to Adam and Eve about the fruit supposedly killing them because he didn't want them to have self-awareness and curiosity and knowledge. Even Hanami's history is so….. lacking in difficulty, I mean obviously his best friend and his child die which sucks but, he doesn't become angry or bitter, simply ascends more in his perfection, handles everything in the most ideal way; he's divine and defeats the enemy twice and is beloved and is perfect from the day he's born to the day he ascends. There's a lack of relatability, a lack of struggle in regards to ANYTHING that happens in his life.

I will end with the fact that your lore, as always, is expertly crafted, and his creation myth is a very smooth read: the ending especially brought a sudden warmth, that Narion is his best friend re-incarnated, which <3 <3 <3. And you Gallery picture is very fitting for the more closed-off, untouchable divinity of Hanami's character, which I would love to see developed a bit more. You may take most of what I've said with a grain of salt, since he's a) a supporting character and b) a divine being. However, be careful not to let his role as Narion's Divine Protector create a lack of difficulties or challenges for your main character, and overall it's a risky move to have Hanami as the Last Resort that will save them out of any pickle they might not get out of on their own. But, that's just me being overly cautious haha. I'm sorry I went ON but, I hope this is helpful regardless. Your character profiles are always a pleasure to go through <3.

@Emma hey thank you as well for your patience!!
Ember:

• Good appearance, I'm nitpicking when I say I'd like to see more detail in Skin Tone, people have a different vision of "fair"; does she have cool or warm undertones, does she have a complete lack of blemishes, does she tan easily or does she burn like a lobster? I'm also surprised she has no Identifying Marks, and although I have a decent image of her in my head I can't decide whether her hair is straight or wavy, what shape her nose is, etc. Again, not the most important, and you do a good job with all the essentials here!
• Her fidgeting helps her focus, good, and there's already a clear motivation for her character, her sister. Anything else in Mannerisms? Does she have a particular way of speaking, besides the no-cursing? Accent, use of slang, a lisp or a monotonous tone of voice or lots of intonation? Does she walk a certain way, perhaps hunched because she seems like a nervous person, quick steps or large strides? Does she gesture a certain way, or not at all? Just some stuff to better visualize her!
• Her Motivation is a little vague.
• Her Flaws have a LOT of room for elaboration!! You quickly deny her having anger issues, but the things you mention are all things that could be tied in with anxiety: some people with anxiety have a tendency to lash out because of an underlying feeling of nervousness, rather than anger. Combined with the fidgeting it makes sense to me, but maybe I'm reading into it too much haha. Her interrupting could also be developed, is it because she thinks what she has to say is more important or does she not realize she's doing it? Is her mind moving so fast that she's trying too hard to have her mouth keep up with it?
• Everything you've written in Nature is a good Base but, could be elaborated in every sense! For example the fact that she's a confidant individual hit me out of nowhere haha, as there was nothing hinting to that earlier in the profile. Her Prejudices signal a hypocrisy, because doesn't she also anger/get frustrated easily? Where do these moments of self-doubt that you mention in Personality Type stem from, and when do they appear and in regards to what/who? She's someone who strives for self-improvement, which is honorable but very mature for a 15-year-old: is she especially mature and self-aware for her age? Or does she like to think she is, to the point where her frustrations and possible childish behavior is something she doesn't realize she's doing and doesn't realize she needs to work on?? I know I'm grabbing at straws here but, there's so much that's left unsaid and that I have to guess at, which is something to work on.
• I shouldn't be laughing but EMber and CHARCOAL I mean WOW
• So like you mentioned, not much in ways of History, and this extends to other things like your brief mention of depression and then your lack of elaboration on it. I know you said her History is happening AS the story progresses but, it would do you (and me, the reader of the profile) some good to have a better outline of what she goes through, and in the process it might bring to light some elements of her Personality that you may not have thought about!
• You mention her abilities are harder to control but then say she's really precise with her attacks: a contradiction. If there's a difference in weapons used, mention it.

Overall Ember has a good base but, I'm having a hard time imagining her and trying to put myself in her shoes, because quite a few things are lacking in detail. Try to specify on some elements and, at least briefly, go into more detail in her History, like what growing up was like for her and maybe an anger at the normal childhood that was snatched away from her, a feeling of loss at what happens to her and causes her to lash out more, etc. I hope this is helpful, and good luck!! :)

@Kaloobia

Thank you so much for this! I'm not super good a writing profiles since its all in my head but I'll look over her again and add some more detail as well as elaborating on the points yo mentioned.

@SwimwithGamers_is_lawful_evil Thank you for waiting, and I'll do so gladly!
Hinata:

• Can't remember what she was last time, but it threw me for a loop that she's 364 years old and yet you say she's Human haha. How is she staying immortal?
• I'd recommend being more descriptive with skin tone as well, "light" is a vague qualifier. Same for Body Type, is she lean or more muscled, does she have long legs compared to her torso, broad shoulders or hips perhaps?
• GREAT details in Mannerisms and Flaws!! :D And there's more details about her day-to-day life, I literally had no idea she worked a diner before, I'm literally so proud of you right now hahaaaa
• In Talents, I would say she's more of a smooth-talker than charismatic, but that's just a technicality haha.
• In Personality Type, "However, she still ends up growing connections with people rather easily, despite her best efforts." Just a little more on this: is this because she's lonelier than she admits and subconsciously does allow herself to form connections despite her rationality being against it? Is she naturally just someone people gravitate towards and are attracted to? This would be in-line with her "charismatic" attribute you mention, but it also warrants explanation, if she's such a guarded person: what about her is so attractive to people, especially if she refuses to show vulnerability? Again, more of a nitpick than anything haha. In general her Nature section is WONderful, so much more coherence between the section and different elements. Good job <3
• oof about SM. Good Social tab too!
• Maybe more specificity in Education, what makes her highly educated? Has she gone through a lot of schooling, is she self-taught in a lot of fields, perhaps a scholar at heart who loves to learn?

Just overall, you've tied a lot of elements into each other more strongly and added more details all around, and I'm really happy about it!! I actually have a much clearer vision of Hinata now haha, thank you for sending her in again! I hope the few critiques I gave are helpful. :)

@Kaloobia

Thank you so much for this! I'm not super good a writing profiles since its all in my head but I'll look over her again and add some more detail as well as elaborating on the points yo mentioned.

You're super welcome! Glad I could be of service ^^

@amber_demeter I appreciate the patience, let's get to you finally!
Lysia:

• LOVE her gallery, I'm such a fan of those dress-up games in particular haha.
• Her hair color is a bit confused haha, maybe add some commas? Other than that great Looks tab!
• I just. I have very few things to say, her Nature tab is wonderful, I get exactly what kind of person she is, cynical and self-sacrificing and self-loathing and scared and I LOVE HER. There's so much to relate to and she has so many flaws and so many self-sabotaging tendencies and it's really, just, wonderful. She's clearly a very complex character and you do a great job at delving into that and explaining it all. I have only a few nitpicks: "A great listener, though she finds it hard to be empathetic" she seems to me like a very empathetic person, and perhaps you mean that she's afraid to show her empathy? Or perhaps she's so concerned about shielding her loved ones and also herself, that it leads to her being emotionally constipated when it comes to comfort? I also love that idleness is a dangerous state for her to be in, which is why she's so action-oriented and constantly on the run: does she ever stop to breathe? Or is she constantly exhausted and just waiting for the day that she's offed? Does she have anything in ways of self-care? And the cruelty she shows to her loved ones, it comes off a bit sudden towards the end actually: I figured she's abrasive and guarded, but not cruel? This would of course attribute more to the self-loathing, but would warrant more specific explanation re: guilt, a constant cycle of self-sabotage that she probably doesn't realize is making her loved ones suffer as much as she's suffering, in the emotional and affection departments.
• Great History section too, nothing to say here

Just, great character here, I would adore Lysia in a story, she has so much potential and you're USING that that potential and just ugh. I'm sorry this wasn't much of a critique haha, but you've done really good with her and I only have nitpicks for you. Thank you for submitting her, and good luck! ^^

sbhfehj aaaa haiii :"D
Tbh Hanami was quite difficult to write in the first place, bcz he's well "an op angel". Giving characters flaws is kinda my weakness, i really don't know what to say :"> He's still a big work in progress (even his name is still a placeholder, bcz im bad at names)
Regarding the bitterness thing, he watches over exclusively over other Morphidae, not all living stuff. I was thinking of making him a bit of a loner, you know. I'm working on making him less unreachable and OP - he's definitely not gonna take care of everything for his descendant, he's just watching for now. (Also, it's Tanis who's the reincarnated bf, not Narion)

thx for the feedback, i appreciate it so much q3q <3

@Kinarymo ah oops sorry for the Tanis/Narion mix up my bad!! Thanks for the correction haha. You shouldn't worry too much, like I said it's hard to give divine characters an extensive list of flaws. And you have a LOT of divine characters ahahaaaa. But anyway glad I could be useful!! ^^

@RainyDayArtist FINALLY thank you for waiting <3
Laura:

• Her Gallery pic is CUTE
• "Sun bleached but not super dark" I,,, do you mean sun-tanned?? I've never heard the term sun-bleached in my life haha, didn't know that was a way of saying sun-kissed (I assume?). Overall good Looks section!
• Ooh good to have a tab for her Voice! Nice details.
• OOh ok, she does NOT strike me as a liar until you mention it directly, and I think it warrants some connection to her bubbly attitude: is that too a façade? She's a people-person and very socially outgoing, is that a genuine side of her or is it something she plays up because she wants so badly to connect to others? You hint at the latter by mentioning she gets over-excited for little reason. Just, would like to see this developed more from a psychological stand-point.
• "will not question her choices if the thing she's going after matters to her or anyone else." hm, so is she self-serving or self-sacrificing? Either her motives are for herself, or for others: it's difficult for the two to go hand-in-hand. Perhaps specify that she'll do whatever it takes to keep herself and her loved ones happy? Unless she really is someone who cares about every single person on this earth.
• I'd like some specificity in Prejudices, because the way it's written right now makes Laura come off very ignorant, though maybe that's what you're going for? Either way, maybe go deeper into why she is prejudiced against those who harm themselves, rather than scared of pitying towards them or something similar. Explain why she dislikes the person, and not the drug or the weapon itself.
• In Conditions, I feel like we have a case of separation anxiety, or something similar. If you mean she has a panic or anxiety attack, say that: "fit" definitely has some connotations that may be harmful in regards to mental health. I'd like to see this developed as well, her need to constantly be around others is clearly unhealthy, and I'd be interested to know if she has any coping mechanisms and what they are, because unfortunately for her it's impossible to be around people 24/7. And a tinier nitpick haha, more for personal curiosity, would an animal count as "company" for her? Could a service dog solve some of her difficulties?
• Her Nature tab is good but could be developed more: how does anger play into her personality? Does she anger slowly? How does she express it? How does she express negative expressions in general, and how does she process them? She clearly doesn't do well alone, and I'd like to know if she ever confides in other people, if she shows vulnerability: or, on the contrary, does she keep it inside because she doesn't want to scare people away? She has her own issues obviously, but doesn't seem sympathetic to those who have their own to the point of hurting themselves: does she lack empathy towards others? Is there an underlying hypocrisy there that she perhaps doesn't realize? Some stuff to think about.
• I,, holy shit at that backstory bro. Very good foundation for her hating to be alone, and a strict/abusive guardians makes a child very good at lying indeed, for the sake of their own survival. You end the backstory a bit abruptly, so I can only assume it's still a work in progress, but it already is good for clearing a lot up. She has an inherent need for SAFETY, which is a great motivation you could use by the way!
• Ah there's some details on her anger in Zodiac Sign! Still it's a bit vague, and in fact you kind of avoid the issue directly in the description haha, I'd like to know how it connects to Laura specifically.

Overall there are a few inconsistencies, but Laura is a mostly cohesive character who definitely garners a reader's sympathy because, immediately you can tell there's a traumatic past and it makes you worried rather than annoyed at her behavior (at least from my end haha). Careful not to have her get off scott-free though, for any mistakes she makes or problems she might create, even if it's understandable. Hope this is helpful, and much luck with her!

Just, great character here, I would adore Lysia in a story, she has so much potential and you're USING that that potential and just ugh. I'm sorry this wasn't much of a critique haha, but you've done really good with her and I only have nitpicks for you. Thank you for submitting her, and good luck! ^^

Thank you so much, I’m so happy you like her!! Now all I’ve got to do is pull her off in writing ^^’
I’m probably going to submit the other four characters in her story eventually, if that’s alright

Overall there are a few inconsistencies, but Laura is a mostly cohesive character who definitely garners a reader's sympathy because, immediately you can tell there's a traumatic past and it makes you worried rather than annoyed at her behavior (at least from my end haha). Careful not to have her get off scott-free though, for any mistakes she makes or problems she might create, even if it's understandable. Hope this is helpful, and much luck with her!

Ah! Thank you <3 I was slowly working on it, but right now I'm doing like 20 things at once! So I'll make sure to come back when I have freed up some time <3 <3

Just, great character here, I would adore Lysia in a story, she has so much potential and you're USING that that potential and just ugh. I'm sorry this wasn't much of a critique haha, but you've done really good with her and I only have nitpicks for you. Thank you for submitting her, and good luck! ^^

Thank you so much, I’m so happy you like her!! Now all I’ve got to do is pull her off in writing ^^’
I’m probably going to submit the other four characters in her story eventually, if that’s alright

Good luck!! And don't be afraid at all to come back, once I open this thread again haha

Overall there are a few inconsistencies, but Laura is a mostly cohesive character who definitely garners a reader's sympathy because, immediately you can tell there's a traumatic past and it makes you worried rather than annoyed at her behavior (at least from my end haha). Careful not to have her get off scott-free though, for any mistakes she makes or problems she might create, even if it's understandable. Hope this is helpful, and much luck with her!

Ah! Thank you <3 I was slowly working on it, but right now I'm doing like 20 things at once! So I'll make sure to come back when I have freed up some time <3 <3

You're welcome! :)

@Destinee AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EXCUSE THE SCREAMING I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG WITH YOU, ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU FLATTERED ME SO MUCH WOW.
Don't worry at all about sending only girls! I love girls!!! If you ever want to send me a boy you're feeling unsure about tho, I'd be happy to take a look! Once I have time again that is ^^" ANYWAY
Bean:

• I! LOVE! YOUR! ART!!!! SHES CUTE
• OOoooo already from the Role part in Overview I'm SUPER intrigued holy shit :o
• Looks section is good, but I think you could be more detailed in Body type? She looks chubby in her gallery pics, maybe mention that?? Or maybe that's the baby fat??? She is still a child so I guess it's natural her Body type would be vague as of yet idk
• Wonderful mannerisms <3 About her hiding from strangers, but then warming up to them after a smile: does she trust easily? Does she have any sort of instincts when it comes to strangers who may not have the best intentions?
• VERY good motivations!!! It's hard enough coming up with Motivations for most people (myself included), let alone for someone who isn't an adult/teen character. Very clear and realistic
• I'm very happy you address the trust aspect in Flaws :) These are also very good, though I'd love more details on her "heart-on-sleeve vs. clams up about insecurities" trait. I'm sure you're aware of the way they contrast, and obviously if done correctly it makes PERFECT sense: try to elaborate, perhaps about how she doesn't want to seem like a burden with her negative emotions?? Maybe she's scared that if she talks about it, it will become the reality?
• "Like before, Bean cannot hold a grudge , but she will remember how she was treated." HMM. I hesitate to say this is a contradiction but, as someone who is VERY petty myself, the entire reason I have trust issues and hold grudges is because I remember very clearly how I was treated in the past, and what exactly the other party did to harm me. Obviously that's my own personal experience, but it does come off a bit odd to me here. Does Bean have an inherent faith in the goodness of other people? Is it because of her youth, that she hasn't lost faith in humanity yet? Why wouldn't she hold a grudge, if she remembers how someone has harmed her/ tricked her? Explain that more clearly and it will be perfect, and very in line with her character.
• love her Talents and Hobbies, very charming :) Her "not always finishing puzzles" makes me wonder, is her short attention span (normal for a child her age) something that's perhaps important enough to elaborate on as well? Does she switch interests and "projects" often/quickly?? Is she dedicated to a given task/chosen project or does she get bored easily?
• Overall great Nature section!!
• Nothing to say about Social, everything looks good
• It breaks my heart, that Bean will eventually be crushed by the reality that her good behavior is not tied in with the safety of her disappeared loved ones :( A toxic relationship here with Kamui I see, one that's in danger of becoming abusive, though perhaps it already is (I would need more details haha, though that's not on you, I just like to psycho-analyze). There's a rebellious streak that's appearing on Bean's part which I'd love to see more on, though I assume that's something that develops along with the story. Anyway good backstory!
• I WAS LITERALLY THINKING OF THE TAROT CARD THE SUN WHILE READING HER PROFILE OMYGOOOOOOD :O :O :O

To wrap things up haha, I adore Bean, she's so well-developed especially for such a young character, children are usually written off because they're not "interesting" or "developed" enough. There are some elements here and there that I personally would like to see elaborated, but you've got a wonderful character here and thank you for sending her in :) I hope this proved helpful!

@Destinee AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EXCUSE THE SCREAMING I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG WITH YOU, ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU FLATTERED ME SO MUCH WOW.
Don't worry at all about sending only girls! I love girls!!! If you ever want to send me a boy you're feeling unsure about tho, I'd be happy to take a look! Once I have time again that is ^^" ANYWAY
Bean:

• I! LOVE! YOUR! ART!!!! SHES CUTE
• OOoooo already from the Role part in Overview I'm SUPER intrigued holy shit :o
• Looks section is good, but I think you could be more detailed in Body type? She looks chubby in her gallery pics, maybe mention that?? Or maybe that's the baby fat??? She is still a child so I guess it's natural her Body type would be vague as of yet idk
• Wonderful mannerisms <3 About her hiding from strangers, but then warming up to them after a smile: does she trust easily? Does she have any sort of instincts when it comes to strangers who may not have the best intentions?
• VERY good motivations!!! It's hard enough coming up with Motivations for most people (myself included), let alone for someone who isn't an adult/teen character. Very clear and realistic
• I'm very happy you address the trust aspect in Flaws :) These are also very good, though I'd love more details on her "heart-on-sleeve vs. clams up about insecurities" trait. I'm sure you're aware of the way they contrast, and obviously if done correctly it makes PERFECT sense: try to elaborate, perhaps about how she doesn't want to seem like a burden with her negative emotions?? Maybe she's scared that if she talks about it, it will become the reality?
• "Like before, Bean cannot hold a grudge , but she will remember how she was treated." HMM. I hesitate to say this is a contradiction but, as someone who is VERY petty myself, the entire reason I have trust issues and hold grudges is because I remember very clearly how I was treated in the past, and what exactly the other party did to harm me. Obviously that's my own personal experience, but it does come off a bit odd to me here. Does Bean have an inherent faith in the goodness of other people? Is it because of her youth, that she hasn't lost faith in humanity yet? Why wouldn't she hold a grudge, if she remembers how someone has harmed her/ tricked her? Explain that more clearly and it will be perfect, and very in line with her character.
• love her Talents and Hobbies, very charming :) Her "not always finishing puzzles" makes me wonder, is her short attention span (normal for a child her age) something that's perhaps important enough to elaborate on as well? Does she switch interests and "projects" often/quickly?? Is she dedicated to a given task/chosen project or does she get bored easily?
• Overall great Nature section!!
• Nothing to say about Social, everything looks good
• It breaks my heart, that Bean will eventually be crushed by the reality that her good behavior is not tied in with the safety of her disappeared loved ones :( A toxic relationship here with Kamui I see, one that's in danger of becoming abusive, though perhaps it already is (I would need more details haha, though that's not on you, I just like to psycho-analyze). There's a rebellious streak that's appearing on Bean's part which I'd love to see more on, though I assume that's something that develops along with the story. Anyway good backstory!
• I WAS LITERALLY THINKING OF THE TAROT CARD THE SUN WHILE READING HER PROFILE OMYGOOOOOOD :O :O :O

To wrap things up haha, I adore Bean, she's so well-developed especially for such a young character, children are usually written off because they're not "interesting" or "developed" enough. There are some elements here and there that I personally would like to see elaborated, but you've got a wonderful character here and thank you for sending her in :) I hope this proved helpful!

NO NO, IT'S FINE!! YOU ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE NEATEST STUFF TO WORK ON. I DO NOT mind the wait. IN FACT, going back and editing Marie and Ruuben with the help of your previous advice, they've managed to become more interesting than I had perceived them to be ( props to you for the whole trust issues/caution of manipulation as a reason to really explain why Ruuben has such a hard time conversing with people and for addressing my fear of Marie becoming a mary sue) ! I meant to thank you for that, but with school, it just slipped my mind! AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENTS ON MY ART, even though its pretty old HAHA
And thanks for the reassurance, I'll definitely have a boy sent your way once you have free time again !

Anyway, I always held myself back with my questions and comments in fear of annoying you, but i do have a few!

For her mannerisms, it's true. I sort of get a vibe from people with bad intentions, I should've thought about that. U_U and the way you went about the whole " if she speaks negatively, then negative things are bound to happen" for her perspective is really interesting! I never looked at it like that before, I like it a lot!

I see you noticed Bean's little rebellious streak ( And don't apologize, I love it when people do that, I PROMISE) but how would I go about to actually diving into it some more? She's obviously still young, and I would like to dive into this more, but I wouldn't have a clue on how to actually go about it

NO NO, IT'S FINE!! YOU ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE NEATEST STUFF TO WORK ON. I DO NOT mind the wait. IN FACT, going back and editing Marie and Ruuben with the help of your previous advice, they've managed to become more interesting than I had perceived them to be ( props to you for the whole trust issues/caution of manipulation as a reason to really explain why Ruuben has such a hard time conversing with people and for addressing my fear of Marie becoming a mary sue) ! I meant to thank you for that, but with school, it just slipped my mind! AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENTS ON MY ART, even though its pretty old HAHA
And thanks for the reassurance, I'll definitely have a boy sent your way once you have free time again !

Anyway, I always held myself back with my questions and comments in fear of annoying you, but i do have a few!

For her mannerisms, it's true. I sort of get a vibe from people with bad intentions, I should've thought about that. U_U and the way you went about the whole " if she speaks negatively, then negative things are bound to happen" for her perspective is really interesting! I never looked at it like that before, I like it a lot!

I see you noticed Bean's little rebellious streak ( And don't apologize, I love it when people do that, I PROMISE) but how would I go about to actually diving into it some more? She's obviously still young, and I would like to dive into this more, but I wouldn't have a clue on how to actually go about it

You're literally so sweet wow. And I'm so so happy!! that my critiques proved helpful!!! Literally that's so validating for me hahaa. Thank you for letting me know!!! :D <3

Please don't ever hold back on questions/comments, I'm here for a reason!! ^^

smol claps i'm very glad my propositions make sense for her character !

For the rebellious streak, you're right that it would be hard to really make an emphasis on, since it's something that is happening presently, as the story progresses. I think it would be more than enough to mention that there's something bubbling up there, to strongly hint at the fact that as she grows and experiences more, she's changing and reacting in new ways. It's a new chapter in her story, as she has always been told how to behave and (dare I say?) manipulated into being obedient, and now, with her growing disagreements with Kamui, and with her thirst for independence and ANSWERS, she has a new side of her that's started to develop.
If that makes any sense haha, and only if you think that fits for her character!!
I hope that answers your inquiry?? And thanks for getting back to me, I always love follow-up :) <3 <3

I'M ON VACATIONNNNNNNN :D

Would love to critique more characters, I have time now and everything!! :)

Hey, can I get some critique on Orla?

Hey Idk how good this character is and your reviews are really in-depth and I would really appreciate it if you could review her. (Be as harsh as you'd like I really want to improve at making characters)

Ooohhh!! I loved the one you did of my boy a while ago, could you do my gal Scott?

I've been putting a lot of work into her lately :)

can you critique my demi_demigod of peace from another project, Himawari-kun Invalid Character

@Nie-Huaisang-God-of-Advice
Orla:

• Her gallery pic so cute!!! Which game/program did you use to make her? :)
• Small little nitpick: even if the character, and those around her, doesn't know her age, the author should have an idea of it. You even mention in Looks that she's Human, so she doesn't have the excuse of being a deity who's been around for thousands or something of years. That being said, if it's a plot point or a revelation somewhere down the line, then the vagueness is totally fine! Up to you.
• Ok, so she's a small child? Is what I understand from her appearance. Good details, esp with hair. I would also nitpick that you can find better qualifiers for her skin tone than "white", and since you mention "pale", I'll put out there that I have a particular fondness for "alabaster" ^-^ In reference to very light skin. Does she tan easy, or get sunburnt quickly? Body Type could also be much more detailed: is she thin, slim? does she have long limbs, perhaps bony joints? I ask because she seems to be young. Does she still have that baby fat on her face and body? Is she mal-nourished maybe?? Good details in clothes, and I looked up "traditional Chinese shirt" like you asked ;) My question is, does the shirt hug her body like it does on the women in the pictures, or is it more baggy like on the men? This could be solved by detailing her Body Type, and depends on how far she is in her development stage, which again is hard to guess at with no qualifier for age.
• Her Nature section is.. a bit bare. You start off strong in Mannerisms, and I would love to see that sort of detail extend to the rest of the tabs! Now, most of Mannerisms could go into Personality Type or even Flaws: in Mannerisms, how does she move? Does she have a particular gait? Does she stand straight, at attention, or does she slouch? Is she very jittery, moving around a lot, perhaps having a lot of energy to expel? Does she talk with a certain accent, or a distinct vocabulary? Does she repeat a certain movement, like chewing on her lip or scratching the back of her neck or vibrating her leg while she sits? Does she have any nervous ticks, any tell-tale signs of being angry or upset or bored or excited? Endless possibilities!!
• Might want to explain her motivation a bit more: why does she want to kill the demon king? What did he do to her? Or is she fighting for a greater good? Doesn't seem likely, with her seemingly young age and immaturity, but worth mentioning if it's the case, and how that ties in with her personality!
• Flaws can DEFINITELY be developed more. Her inability to use magic barely even counts as a Flaw, but it could be the reason for a lot of potential flaws: is she insecure about being unable to use magic? How does this affect her relationship with magic-users? Any inferiority/superiority complexes? Does she try to overcompensate, and does this maybe cause problems for her? Do her violent and authoritative mannerisms stem from being unable to perform magic? Or from something else? She gets quieter when she likes someone, so is the yelling and anger a defense mechanism? Is she actually willing to listen to those she likes? It makes sense that she would be prickly with people she doesn't like, but Why is she so prickly with strangers? Does she have trust issues? If so these can really be delved deeper into!! What does is take for her to like someone, and to trust them? Who does she feel safe around, enough to drop down her guard and angry act? IS the anger an act? Or is there a lot of it pent up, due to a traumatic past or maybe something else? So much to think about!!!
• Again for Background, where did she learn to fight? Who taught her that all demons should be murdered? How did she get recruited to an Elite Force at such a young age, regardless of her talent? Was it to subdue her, to keep her under control, to harness her power for more political purposes? Where are her parents?????? Lots of details missing here.

Overall, you have a good idea and solid outline for Orla, but I'm having a hard time visualizing her further than how she looks physically. I know I asked a lot of questions haha, but there's a lot that can be developed here, and Orla could be a very good character if detailed more!
I hope this was helpful! Good luck ^^

@knikols :)
Alice:

• OoF she's TINY :o You don't detail a body type, which would be very helpful. Her weight suggests less body mass/ body fat. Is she slim, is unusually skinny/thin? Does she have very minimal curves? Any body proportions worth noting? Muscles??? You detail the exact shade of her eyes but not of her hair ;) You repeat info in Identifying Marks, where you could put instead that she wears a hat, or that she has an excitable expression or expressive eyes. Don't let the presence of a gallery pic become a crutch for detailing her appearance :)
• "And Pretty much Anything & Everything" Patently untrue, since right after you detail her Dislikes ;) It's totally fine for a character to like many, many things, you don't have to excuse it! Her Personality could be developed further (but the base is good!): in what ways is she childish? Does her over-protectiveness ever become toxic, or annoy her loved ones? Why would you "wanna hide" if you get on her bad side, does she hide an angry/aggressive/vengeful side? Develop this. Why is there a "but" before "super sweet?"? What is it contradiction to? Is the implication that jocks can't be kind? How does she exemplify this sweetness? How does she act around people she isn't best friends with necessarily? "Easily blushes", so she is embarrassed easily? How are her shame levels? Does she lash out when she's embarrassed, or can she laugh it off? You mention in Hobbies of the Nature section, that she likes to do a LOT: is she an adrenaline junkie, is she indecisive? She has so many interests that she's pursuing, is she highly organized so as to juggle everything or, on the contrary, is she constantly late to places, forgetting things and being unable to handle all these activities, perhaps being affected negatively by the stress?

You've got a solid base for Alice, but most sections could use more details! Sorry this isn't as long, you don't have a lot of sections for me to comb through haha, try filling out the provided Social and History sections! They coud especially helpful in fleshing out your character. Good luck! :)

Would love some feedback on my girl here