forum Kill The Prince, Steal The Crown // Private rp

Started May 30, 2019 by @croccin-champagne

tune

Rhydar didn't break his gaze from her as he waited for a response. He continued to keep his hand cold from the water, brushing it over her skin as it seemed to have worked. He didn't grab her again, just a light brush over the skin to continue to place sparks of cold. When that slight movement happened, he was quick to look up into Lily's eyes. His heart broke at the pleading in them, the dark color they took on. He said nothing, just lightly cupped her face in his hands and nodded, then let his touch slip away.

His fingers hooked around her wrist, tugging just once to let her know he wanted her to stand up. Cinthia wouldn't mind him raiding her closet, she didn't care much for clothing anyway beyond the practicality of it. There had to be something he could snatch for Lily to change into, something besides red. I say that as if Cin would ever have anything besides dark.

He understood. The relief that brought her, along with him keeping his touches brief and only necessary, was incredible. Even if she couldn’t appreciate it now, and even if her skin still crawled from being led out of the ballroom, she knew she would be eternally grateful as soon as she could compute that.

Lily stood when he tugged on her wrist, wavering on her feet as her legs wobbled, before managing to keep standing. She followed him, silent except for the occasional too-loud and shaky breath, often sounded cut off. Tears made their way down her cheeks slowly, the return to the waking world bringing with it more pain and realization than she wanted. You’re never going to be okay. You’re always going to be broken and worthless.

((my baby…))

Rhydar led her to the princess' quarters, then went in without hesitation. If his sister, for some reason, had a problem with his intrusion, then she could take it up with him. Lily needed help, and he wasn't beyond breaking unspoken rules to provide that help. Wordlessly, he let go of her and went to the closet after he had shut the door and brought her to the middle of the bedroom. No dresses, he decided as he looked through the large closet, fingers skimming over materials for something not red and not a dress. It was quicker than he thought it would be.

He pulled out a black nightgown made of soft fleece and trimmed with fluffy fur. It was clear from the excess material that it was loose and meant to drape over the body and partially the floor. This will likely work. He pulled it off the hanger and went over to Lily, showing it to her silently with a question in his eyes.

When Rhydar showed her the night gown, she let out a small sound of relief, nodding a few times. The nods themselves were sort of stilted, just like al of her movements were right now. She reached out, fingers finding his wrist, and tapped twice. A thank you. And asking him to stay, for a moment. She didn’t think she could get the dress off on her own, too many laces and things, especially for the way her hands were shaking.

Lily held his gaze for as long as she could, before those darkly swirling eyes dropped to the nightgown in his hands. She let go of him, motioning to her back. Another question. This muteness was making it so hard to communicate, but she didn’t trust herself to speak. If she even could, since every word she tried to form came out as nothing more than a broken sound. I’m sorry.

Rhydar smiled sadly and set the gown over his shoulder as he walked around her. The laces caught his eye and he instantly knew that she wouldn't be able to get that on her own. Mother's doing, for sure. Dammit, she's getting a mouthful from me. His fingers deftly worked to untie and loosen the laces, though he made sure to not completely undo it—he wasn't about to undress her while she was like this without her asking him to, and even then he'd make sure to quickly get her into the gown.

It broke his heart to see her like this, and to know that he had been the one to pull the trigger on the taut wire. He should've known better, should've paid better attention, should've let her opt out of the ball, should've done something different. He couldn't help but put himself at blame, even if it was his mother that ordered the dress—something he was beginning to think was the main issue. If he had done anything differently, this wouldn't have happened. He let out a soft breath and pressed his lips to the back of her head, murmuring "I'm sorry," before undoing the last bit of the laces.

Lily’s shoulders tensed as Rhydar undid the laces, unable to help the wariness. It was habitual, born from circumstances where the only reason a man was undoing your dress was for sex. Consensual or not. It was consensual. Riko was always right, wasn’t he? And he was right when he said that was all you would amount to. When Rhydar’s hands left her back after his apology, her heart splintered.

She turned to him, catching his hand even as her stomach turned with the contact. Lifting it, she pressed the back of his hand to her lips, gently, the touch so soft it was more like butterfly wings than a kiss. A ‘thank you’. A ‘you don’t have to apologize’. Because this wasn’t his fault. It was hers. No one but hers. For being stupid and for not leaving and for coming here and thinking that she was magically better. For not thinking.

He smiled faintly, almost sadly, as he lightly pressed his thumb into the inside of her wrist to the point where he could feel her pulse, then slipped out of her grasp. "I'll be in the sitting room," he whispered, handing the gown to Lily before stepping away and leaving the bedroom.

Cinthia's sitting room was surprisingly cluttered for the princess's outward appearance. Most people assumed she was incredibly OCD, but in reality, she was an organized mess. There were papers all over the floor that he carefully stepped over, as well as papers and writing utensils galore on her desk. Her desk chair was turned over on its back from her standing up quickly, likely having gotten an epiphany earlier. The bookshelf near the long and cushioned couch was cluttered with books sorted by genre on the shelves. Cinthia knew where everything was at any given moment, even if everyone else was confused.

It took Lily longer than she liked to get the dress off and the nightgown on. Even with the straps undone most of the way, her hands still shook, and in the quiet of the room she found the tears returning. She made it long enough to get the nightgown on, before sinking to her knees. It was okay, now, for her to break. Alone—well, with Rhydar—without anyone around to watch. She wasn't making a scene anymore. And that's what mattered.

There, on her knees, crying silently, Lily felt even more hopeless than ever. She felt dirty, like a used handkerchief, nothing more than someone else's trash left forgotten on the floor. Once again, her fingers found her arms, this time more punishment than drawing herself out of a memory. "Filthy and useless." Would she ever be more than what Riko had made her into? Or was she doomed to stay like this, stay nothing but broken and un-fixable?

Rhydar paced the room as best as he could without disrupting Cinthia's paper ritual setup, running his hands through his hair repeatedly. It was a mess by the time he sighed and walked over to the door, then turned around and leaned his back against the wood to slide down to the floor. His arms rested on his knees while his head leaned back against the wood, eyes closed. He really didn't want to do this, but he didn't know how else to help Lily. He needed to know.

He opened his eyes, but he saw nothing but black, his Seer ability already in action as it sought Lily out. His magic snuck around the inky blackness until it found what he was looking for, and the sight made him all the more upset. Her mind was a giant lily flower, just as he had imagined, but it was wilted and sad-looking, some petals picked off. Its leaves were curled up and stressed from exposure. A tortured mind. He didn't allow himself to dwell on that before delving into the depths and searching for what haunted this beautiful flower.

Lily eventually pulled herself to the door, leaning against it to place herself closer to the room Rhydar was in. There was a comfort to knowing he was right there. Rhydar was her safe place, it seemed. Not the memories of the farm anymore—those were too tinged with bad memories—, nor memories of learning her knives, baking sales and running through fields. Rhydar was her happy place.

Even if she didn't deserve him. He may have been her happy place, but he was leagues ahead of her. He was worth more in every way, a better person and of a much higher status. If something happened to him, the kingdom would weep. If something happened to her, the only ones to mourn would be the flowers. But she would be returning to them, to them and the ocean her ancestors had called home. So there would not be much mourning.

She could have died in that brothel. And some days, like right now, she believed fully that she should have. There was no coming back from the hands and the bruises and the tears, the venomous words whispered sweetly in her ear. There was no coming back from the things that had been done to her, the things that had been done. Rhydar didn't deserve that. No one deserved that. Not even she deserved that.

Rhydar couldn't have steeled himself enough for what he was about to see after sneaking into Lily's subconscious. It took a bit of delving into her mind to find what he was looking for—it was never easy to dredge up suppressed memories—but he eventually found what he was looking for. Except, he almost wished he hadn't. Even with the lack of connection, he could all-too vividly see everything that nearly smacked him in the face.

He saw, in the point of view of a frail, scared girl, his precious little flower being violated by countless men without any say in what was happening to her. Again and again, face after face, scenario after scenario. He felt her skin crawl with each touch, felt the choked back tears and the fear keeping her compliant. He saw other girls get beaten half to death, and then Lily get dragged into it. His own skin and bones quaked with each blow, muscles twitching with flinches even if he was paralyzed so far away from his conscious. He felt hands roughly grasping at her, pulling her away and to a horrid life of the unknown.

Kidnapped. Tortured. Beaten. Assaulted. More and more, they kept coming, almost daring him to break the connection out of disgust, fear, you name it. There was a small doorway where their connection lied, acting as if it was taunting him to flee. But he didn't. He turned away and watched without abandoning her, without shying away from her past. He watched until there was nothing more for her to unknowingly give him.

It went dark, the memories fading away to reveal the garden of wildflowers and grass. He could hear the suggestion of an ocean, something that piqued his curiosity, but now wasn't the time to question it. Distantly, he felt the tears. They welled in his eyes, rolled down his cheeks, traced his jaw, caressed his throat. Distantly, he took a shuddering breath, trying not to let Lily hear him. He knew. He knew, and he would do everything in his power to heal those wounds, to ease the hurt and smooth the edges. He wouldn't run away from her. He wouldn't shame her or look at her with disgust. That's the furthest from what he felt.

"I love you," he told her, silently, his voice floating along that garden within her mind, "I love you, and I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I want you to know that I never want you to hurt again, not like how they all made you hurt. I want you to know that I'll do anything to help you, and I'll never stop for as long as I'm by your side, for as long as I live."

Rhydar's voice flooded her mind, and Lily couldn't help the muffled sob that caught in her throat. His voice, somehow, managed to chase away her darkness. Like a candle flame growing larger, the shadows and self-loathing in her mind stood no chance, burned away slowly. He was there. Even if he deserved so much better than her, he was there. Right outside that door, waiting and speaking to her like she was the world to him, just like he was to her.

She still couldn't speak, couldn't make the words she normally trusted so much leave her, so she settled for thinking. All the love she could muster, the gratefulness and the hope he brought her, all of it. "You've already done so much more for me than I could ever hope for, Rhydar. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I can't be what you deserve, and I'm sorry you can barely hold me without my issues becoming a barrier. I owe you a world I could never give you."

"You deserve the best, Lily," he countered. He would've shook his head if he wasn't so disconnected from his body. The tears still streamed unhindered down his face, even if he focused on her words and his mission to comfort her. "I certainly can't give you that, but I'll do my best. We're both flawed people, both unable to believe we get what we deserve. I honestly can't believe you've put up with me so long and still think you aren't good enough, when you are honestly the only person beyond my siblings who have stuck by my side for as long as you have. We deserve happiness, and you make me happy, flaws and all. I wouldn't have you any other way, if only less scarred because I'd never want you to be put through something like what you've gone through. No one should."

"Putting up with you feels like a privilege I don't deserve." She admitted, squeezing her eyes shut to focus on keeping the self loathing at bay. Part of her wanted to open the door, to find him just to hold his hand for the only comfort she thought she could handle right now. "I love you, flaws and all. You look at my scars and see flowers, something I didn't think possible." And really, it didn't seem possible. How could someone look at her, of all people, like that? Bruised and broken, undeserving? And yet Rhydar saw the same thing she did, but in a wildly different light. "Where….where are you?"

"I love you too, Lily. Nothing will change that." And nothing could change that fact. He had seen everything she was hiding, seen things most people would let scare them off. Most people would see that at think she wasn't worth the trouble of trying, perhaps something even she thought of herself. But that thought never crossed his mind. Perfection is a flaw in of itself, because it's fake and makes no room for improvement or personality. Lily was who she was because of her past, and he'd be a royal asshole to treat her any differently because of what he discovered.

There was a hint of a slight chuckle, as if the answer or the random question was amusing. "On the other side of the door," he said simply, then retreated a bit so the distance his magic had to travel was less, allowing him less time to need to pull back into himself. He didn't leave her just yet however, in case she still wanted to talk.

He was right outside the door. He hadn't left, and was even closer than she had been expecting. Carefully and slowly, Lily pulled herself up off the floor, leaning against the wall to open the door just a bit. She peeked down, the distraught expression on her face easing at the sight of him. Home. Though, her dark eyes flashed worriedly at the sight of the tears on his face.

She found herself slipping out, kneeling in front of him with her brows furrowed. Her hands lifted, fingers brushing ever so lightly along the tear tracks, a movement that didn't make her feel the need to throw up, before one of her hands found his. Also okay. Testing the waters was a risky endeavor, but she had to know where certain things stood. "I-" She croaked out, having to pause to breathe. "Are you okay?"

Rhydar drew back into himself, then blinked slowly as his vision wavered and steadily came back. He was now moving like one would when conscious, his breathing more pronounced by the rise and fall of his chest instead of the death-like stillness he had previously. He didn't wait for his vision to clear, however, as he smiled softly, almost sadly, and tilted his head a bit into the palm of her hand on his face. "I'm okay," he whispered, hands moving to lightly hook his fingers around hers without actually grabbing her. He took a deep breath, then closed his eyes and murmured, "I know."

Lily's heart dropped.

Those two words, spoken from the man she wanted to be with forever, felt like being plunged into a basin of ice water. The blood left her face, her lips parting as suddenly air seemed determined to avoid her lungs. He knew. How did he know? That was beside the point. The real problem was that Rhydar knew. "You-" She couldn't speak again. Her voice had failed her again, her heart a complete mess and her stomach nothing but nerves and panic and the overwhelming urge to leave, to find the washroom and empty her stomach of anything she'd eaten in the past hour. He knew. "You know-you know what I am. Why I-I'm not-Fates."

Rhydar opened his eyes quickly, the emerald green bright and flashing with concern and love and some more emotions mixed together into something else. He tucked his legs beneath himself so he was leaning on his knees while he reached up and gently took Lily's face in his hands, palms just barely touching her skin. "Lily, Lily, darling, listen to me, please," he whispered, "It changes nothing. I still love you, as I said earlier. You're still my beautiful flower and when I look at you, I only see the survivor I knew you were." She might be concerned about the siren as well, he mused, then decided to touch on that as well. "What you are doesn't matter to me—you're still you. I fell in love with you for a reason, and I'm not about to suddenly change my mind just because of your past and heritage."

"I'm n-no flower. I'm just-just Lily. Useless-" Lily ducked her head, clinging to his hand like she was afraid of him leaving. Even as she tried to convince him to do so. For his best interest. But she didn't want him to go. Even if she knew he'd be better off with someone who wasn't her. And then he was mentioning what she was beyond her past. Mentioning the things she'd inherited, and telling her that it didn't matter.

And maybe, just maybe, that was reason enough to hold on to him. She wasn't a sex object or a monster or both. Because 'just Lily' to him was incredible. It was still so strange, but gradually, she was wondering if maybe he really meant that.

Rhydar brushed his thumbs over her cheeks and pressed a soft and fleeting kiss to her forehead. "You're far from useless, Lily. Believe me when I say you are not what they made you think you were. You're not like them, you're nothing like what they wanted to make you believe you were. You're an amazing, sweet, incredibly caring, adorable girl that managed to wrap a royal thieving rascal around her cute little finger." He smiled softly and maneuvered his pinky on one hand to gently hook around one of her fingers. "And this rascal would like to request a hug so he can show you that he loves you and doesn't ever want to let you go if he can help it."

Lily huffed a soft laugh of sorts at Rhydar calling himself rascal, her head still ducked as she sniffled. She couldn't see it. Everything he said, how could it be true, when she'd spent eight years being told that a dog had more use and worth than she did? Maybe it is. He can't just believe something without reason, can he? She squeezed his finger lightly, nodding just slightly. "I-might be a-able to do that. Just a-short one. Small hug. Maybe." She said quietly, finally looking up at him. Her eyes were growing lighter, slowly but surely, which was definitely an improvement from the near-black just earlier.

His thumb gently brushed over her lashes as he smiled softly, waiting to make sure she was okay before he did anything. He saw the lighter color in her eyes and let out a small breath of relief, beyond happy that she was starting to be okay. The replacement of the dress had clearly helped, as had his attempt to pull her out of her head with the cold water. He'll just keep this brief so he doesn't undo what he worked hard to achieve.

Rhydar reached out and wrapped his arms around Lily, pulling her into his chest while keeping his grip loose so he didn't spook her or suffocate her. "I'm sorry for what life has thrown at you," he whispered as he buried his face into the scared girl's hair, "but I promise to give you whatever I can to help you move on and see yourself how I see you."

Lily rested her head on his shoulder, hands finding his arms to hook around them, holding onto him. While she might not have been able to handle hugging him back fully, she could absolutely do that. And honestly..she was glad. With everything, somehow, choosing physical comfort after an episode like that felt like winning. It felt like getting back at Riko and his men. Like taking control of her own life, after the control they had taken from her.

"I hope I can, some day. And Rhydar, you don't-that isn't something for you to apologize for. It was in no way your fault."

Rhydar just sighed softly and pressed a kiss to her hair, staying there for a bit as his eyes were closed and he savored the feeling of Lily in his arms. It wasn't anything overly special, not compared to anything else he's managed to help her with, but it was special in this context. She had just had a panic attack because of her past and all the triggers she has been exposed to today—him being one of them—and here she was, allowing him to hold her close without freaking out.

As proud as he was of her and as much as he wanted to keep her there forever, he knew he couldn't. Rhydar reluctantly let her go and lifted his head to look down at her, fingers lightly hooking around her wrists like usual. "You okay?" he murmured.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I’m okay. Doing better, at least.” She murmured, taking a bit longer to pull her head away from his shoulder. If she could last, she would. As long as possible.

Lily finally tilted her head back, looking up at Rhydar and studying his face. Every line, every curve and shape that made his face unique. Those emerald green eyes. This was her Rhydar. Why had she let herself be afraid of him? Why had she let her fear of someone else cause her to be unable to look him in the eyes? “Thank you. Thank you, Rhydar.”

His fingers ran up and down her wrists, gently caressing her skin as much as he could for now. He wouldn't go in for any more kisses than he had already risked, and he sure as hell wouldn't try to kiss her properly right now. His eyes flickered all over her face, memorizing her features. Those beautiful yet ever-changing eyes he adored and loved to get lost in, her silky blonde hair that his fingers would glide through effortlessly, her small frame that he could just hold all day. She was definitely more than just her looks, and Rhydar had fallen for her sweet personality and caring habits before he had let himself admire her natural beauty. And still, each and every feature he studied held a bit of that hidden part he fell in love with.

He saw her kindness in her eyes, her loving nature in her rosy cheeks, her determination in the set of her jaw, her loyalty in her stature. He saw the demons she fought day and night beneath her skin, her bravery and courage glowing bright just above and covering them. He loved her for who she was, not for what she was. He would tell her that for as long as they both lived, even if she finally started to realize that. "You want to stay here or go to one of our rooms?" Rhydar murmured, figuring she'd be more comfortable not on the floor and out of Cinthia's chambers.

Lily blinked, tilting her head quizzically before computing what he was asking. She glanced around Cinthia's room, her eyes landing finally on Rhydar once again. "Um….could we go to one of our rooms? Somewhere a bit more comfortable than the floor in someone else's room…" She said softly, her eyes drifting downwards like she felt embarrassed asking. "But-can you stay with me? I don't want to deal with people, but I also…being too alone might make it worse."

Rhydar gently placed a single finger under her chin and used it to tip her head up, forcing her to look at him again. He wore a soft and kind smile, not at all judging her for not wanting to be alone. "Of course, Lily." He reached out and lightly grasped her hands so he could pull her up with him as he stood. His room was probably the best option. He wouldn't be able to provide any physical comfort, but maybe being around a room full of him might be comfort enough. Maybe.

Lily let Rhydar lead her along, holding carefully to his hand like she was afraid of accidentally letting go. Her fingers rested on his wrist, feeling his pulse as they walked, using it as a way to ground herself. It reminded her of the night he'd comforted her after her nightmare. Speaking of…. "Rhydar? I have something I need to tell you. Er-I have a few, but this one's more important right now." She said quietly, playing with his hand as she mulled over how best to tell him about the vision.