The kid in front of me is taking his test upside down. Like, his gradecam is upside down and he definitely knows cause he joked about it before we started (I just finished and noticed while I was trying not to trip over anything)

Hello its me… chip girl.
pre view

My mind wandered places my mouth could not. I was alone with my thoughts and her upon my hand. I held her close for she was the only thing I could need. She never disappointed me nor did she want to. She left when time was needed but never left me. I became one with her as she was one with me. We completed each other in ways many couldn't comprehend. She was more than just a chip she was apart of something bigger. She served a greater purpose to those who obtained her. She was more than a chip she was my life. The only thing I could think about when times were hard on me. She gave me a purpose as I did for her. A queen covered in salt and beauty to the eyes of those who could see her. A wonder for us all.

(So we have these class president elections running right now and this was a convo between me and a friend who are both running)
Me: So you'll pay me to leave the election?
Friend: Yes how much do you want?
Me: 15 bucks
Friend: Alright, i'll pay you 15 bucks to have you drop out of the election
Me: HOW DARE YOU TRY TO BRIBE A GREAT CANDIDATE LIKE ME
Friend:…..You're an idiot

"Honestly, I would beat up any of my organs if I was given the chance."

kid 1: Why is it birds and bees though?
kid 2: looks it up
kid 2: because birds have eggs and bees um….pollination
kid 1: but they don't mate with each other
kid 2: it's a metaphor
kid 1: it works as a metaphor but it's not realistic
kid 2: ItS nOt SuPpOsEd To Be ItS a MeTaPhOr

"don't drink my bepis."
"i would except it's like, health bepis."

Just remembered something this thing…
Guy, talking to his friends and then just asks me something out of nowhere: So, (my name) how hard it to cut someone´s neck?

Some lovely quotes I’ve heard today at school:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re not a real number. You’re a fake number”

——

“Your face is an airplane”

——

“All hail Peppa Pig Jesus”

——

“I’M GOING TO COMMIT GENOCIDE”

——

“Pain and suffering class”

Me, my math teacher, and my math class
Me: (is writing down stuff about vertical and horizontal) writes the right abbreviation for horizontal (to self) That doesn’t look right. writes “horizontal” down.
Me: being impolite (math teacher), what is the abbreviation for “horizontal?”
Math teacher: h-o-r-i.
Me: But that looks wrong.
Math teacher: Well it isn’t (spells out bad word)
Cute guy: (says word)
beat
Everyone laughs.
Guy next to me: You have a dirty mind.
Someone else: And we are finally going off on a tangent.
Math teacher: Back to what I was saying…

is too chicken to put down curse words

Science teacher: I could dance better than (best sub ever).
Guy that is next to me in math: That’s why she has that pole guys.
Dan: That’s disturbing.
Someone else: It’s hard with a box around it though.

(Not for sure if those count though.

"Imagine waiting till marriage. You wait all this time then you finally pull their pants down and all you see is… disappointment."

"If you don't get anything else from this lesson, you will learn not to trust your brother in law."
-APUSH teacher

"If you don't get anything else from this lesson, you will learn not to trust your brother in law."
-APUSH teacher

what did the brother-in-law do, though?

"Henry Clay was-"
"Not elected!"
"Correct!"

tall kid pushes his small friend into oncoming students YEET

Something my junior coworker said to me (note i’m looking at a photo of a brain): “Is that the heart?”

She was not kidding whatsoever.

"Don't be ridiculous! Of course pulling an all nighter is healthy. And it's not like we have school tomorrow anyway"

"Yeah so here's our pet Belarusian"
"Я уничтожу все, что ты знаешь и любишь"
"What was that?"
"I said you have very nice eyes"

"He's out, he's gone feral and I just lost sight of him"
"His mood is always feral"

Something my junior coworker said to me (note i’m looking at a photo of a brain): “Is that the heart?”

She was not kidding whatsoever.

“No it’s the leg”

"There is a fine line between you and me. What do you think it is?"
"Uhhh, you're funnier?"
"No. I'm just superior."

“With a flu shot I might be paralyzed.”
My friend: Damn, the Karen’s were right!

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

Lol I’d totally do that.

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

God, I love Gen Z humor.

"Amazon rainforest is dying. This makes us sad, Here at Shell, we are sad."

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

DO YOU KNOW HOW LOUD I JUST SCREAMED

my friend: 2 weeks of school with no breaks? looks like I got pneumonia really bad fake coughs

The police officer that works at our school: Have a nice day at school.
Me: You too

we re playing jeopardy (oh that's lame) but we're getting donuts (OH! THAT"S NOT LAME!!)

me at my sister: "KID! Hey, KID! WAIT!!"
my sister: "I dOn'T wAnNa BuY mEmEs!!!"

"SUCK MY DICK SATAN!"