forum Virtual Creative Writing Club, anyone?
Started by @ninja_violinist
tune

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@StarkSpangledMayflower_Mad_Elder

Lost deep within the minds of the fallen are the dreams of those unborn. Glassy eyes stared at the full moon as I came to take him away. They call me many names but i am limited to none. I smile with sorrow as I raise my hands and say a simple prayer.

Like silver dollars glistening at night, a drunken beast came to challenge me. A smell so sweet I could not help it and the beast lay at my feet. A spell lifted and a shivering man was left howling in the night.

I walked away, drowning in the shadows as they take me to their land. Darkness and dread, misery that knows no end. I lift my hands and turn away, refusing to do any more, but without Death, Life will rage on.

@ElderGod-Icefire

(based on the word prompt. It turned out kinds short, and it sounds a little antiquated language wise, because I just finished reading Beowulf lol)


I stood with battlehelm in hand, bloodied limbs hanging in exhaustion as I watched the life leave the eyes of my brothers and my friends. I watched as they faded, the moon rising high above. To my exhausted mind and eyes I thought I saw the moon nuzzle at them like a dog, like a dog welcoming a beloved master home. Home. Yes, they were home. They were home up in that great sky, that final resting place for their souls.

It was only mine own soul that remained here, still tethered to a battered, battle weary body. "Farewell, my brothers." I whispered through a voice cracked and broken. I watched as their souls vanished into the stars, leaving me here. The last one. Alone.

I turned to face the army that still waited; an army that would devour and ravage the lands. An army that my kind had spent out their lifeblood fighting, and it had not been enough. I raised my sword in weary motion, my battlehelm back on my head. This battle was not over. My sword met the first of that ravaging army as we fought on that bloodsoaked field, the souls of my brothers, soldiers, watching from above.

@croccin-champagne

I have been learning Spanish since I first turned on the TV and was met with an episode of Dora The Explorer
I’m not Hispanic
I’m white as a sheet, Irish genes covering Native American genes
And scattering freckles across my skin like stars on snow
But I’ll admit, I was fond of that show

I am not Hispanic
I speak broken Spanish from overhearing it
From two years of half assed classes in which I stared at the wall and daydreamed, or slept
I am not Hispanic, and I will never know the struggles those who are face
$14 dollars to a white man’s $21, my godmother being scared to be pulled over in the summer but not the winter

This is not my fight, because I am not Hispanic
But I’ll lend my voice in the hopes that it will be listened to, that my pale skin catches the attention
Of those selectively colorblind.
My voice is not their voice, but I hope I can draw attention to theirs
I hope I can speak loud enough that when they scream they are listened to, because now that they have eyes on them
It’s easier to keep them there

I will not take their voices
Instead, I want to give the opportunity for them to speak until they don’t need the opportunity just to be heard

I want to lend a megaphone to the girls with hair and skin and eyes likened to food
To things that are edible as though they themselves are as well, as opposed to people
I want to lend my hand to boys with accents that flip their tongues and roll their r’s
That make people with no taste and a language as bland as the noodles and bread they serve is
say ‘speak our language instead’, say ‘go back to your country’ and ‘I can’t understand you’
As though taking the time to listen and not just hear is too hard

This is not my fight, but I am here to lend my hand
To lend my privilege and voice to those whose voices are not heard when they should be
A hand and a voice to a fight that isn’t mine but I will gladly support


Um, so. Yeah. I'm having a lot of feelings after certain things and here's me screaming into the void of written word. Picture the words being spoken kinda angrily and you're good ig.

@ninja_violinist

@StarkSpangledBanner That was really cool! Very atmospheric and intense.
Favorite phrase: "Lost deep within the minds of the fallen are the dreams of those unborn"
I have to confess I'm a bit confused as to the content, mainly because there are some tense switches that I don't fully understand. Is this meant to be the past or the present tense?
But I still enjoyed what I did understand!

@Icefire eeeey Beowulf! Did you read the Old English or a translation?
Your text was really fun to read! It kind of reminded me of one of those scenes in a movie where the music goes slow and sad in the middle of a battle and the sound cuts off and it's in slow-motion, if you know what I mean.
I noticed that there was a bit of repetition ("ravage" stood out to me even though you only used it twice - I guess it's just a word you don't hear that often so you notice it more when you do) but that doesn't have to be a problem.
Well done!

@crocssant-is-also-in-the-Cult
whoa. you always hit me straight in the gut with the message in what you write! I love it! it's really cool to see stuff like this put into words
favourite line: "that my pale skin catches the attention/ Of those selectively colorblind"
And I really struggle to give helpful critique because who am I to say what makes a poem better? and I don't want to tell you to change meaningful content just to fit my random ideas
that being said
since I do want to give feedback
I wonder if the last line is as powerful as it could be? "A hand and a voice to a fight that isn't mine" sounds fabulous, it really sums up what you've said, but "I will gladly support" seems a bit more… tame that what you've said so far, if that makes sense? Like you've been really passionate about drawing attention to their struggle and being desperate for people to listen to them, so "support" seems like a more neutral word than the emotions you've expressed so far
also there are some phrases that sounded a bit clunky to me, like they could be expressed more effectively. "To things that are edible as though they themselves are as well, as opposed to people", "a language as bland as the noodles and bread they serve is/ say", "I will never know the struggles those who are face" and "Irish genes covering Native American genes" (covering sounds a bit odd to me idk).
but yeah. All of this is just me, feel free to ignore me and do your thing! I really love it the way it is!

@croccin-champagne

Honestly I think you might’ve pointed out a typo in one of those lines that I didn’t notice last night. And I see what you mean, both about the tameness of the word and how odd that on line about my own heritage is. I had a point with that one, I swear lmao

@ElderGod-Icefire

@Icefire eeeey Beowulf! Did you read the Old English or a translation?
Your text was really fun to read! It kind of reminded me of one of those scenes in a movie where the music goes slow and sad in the middle of a battle and the sound cuts off and it's in slow-motion, if you know what I mean.
I noticed that there was a bit of repetition ("ravage" stood out to me even though you only used it twice - I guess it's just a word you don't hear that often so you notice it more when you do) but that doesn't have to be a problem.
Well done!

I read the Seamus Heavey translation. I can't read old english lol.
Thanks! That's pretty much exactly what I was aiming at, so it's good to know that I succeeded.
Ohh yeah I didn't see that I did that. Oops.
Thank you!

@StarkSpangledMayflower_Mad_Elder

@StarkSpangledBanner That was really cool! Very atmospheric and intense.
Favorite phrase: "Lost deep within the minds of the fallen are the dreams of those unborn"
I have to confess I'm a bit confused as to the content, mainly because there are some tense switches that I don't fully understand. Is this meant to be the past or the present tense?
But I still enjoyed what I did understand!

Tbh I dont know what tense this is lol, I just looked at the prompt and just wrote lol

@amber_is_in_a_loop

Sorry, I realize this is a bit late. Made from the music prompt~ not my best work, but I think it's still worth sharing. Feel free not to critique it, ninja, since I saw you posted the batch of critiques already.

There truly is nothing like the clean swing of a blade through flesh.
That was the leading thought as I delivered blow after blow to the enemy soldiers, watching them drop likes flies around me. With a grin I whirled around, my sword slicing yet another throat.
Only when the last of the enemy forces fell at my feet did I get a proper look at the carnage: it might as well have been a cemetery. Thousands upon thousands of corpses, every single one below the age of 30 and mutilated by my sword now coated in blood and wasted lives. A horrible sight, enough to break the strongest of men. I would have surrendered to the guilt had I not seen one live man, walking towards me through the thick fog. His irregular footfalls were automatically familiar to me, and despite the immense guilt my weary face broke into a smile.
"Brother!" I called, lifting my weapon into the air for proof of identity. He sped up, by my side in an instant.
"We did it, Lotus. We've beaten them," he murmured tiredly, leaning his forehead against mine. I was just distracted enough to notice the white flag appear, and I pulled my brother into a hug. Only when I began to pull away did I realize his grip on me had weakened.
He frowned, meeting my eyes as he grabbed my arm for support. I looked more closely– to see the knife sticking out of his plated armour. He had been stabbed.
I turned back to face a falling man, and he weakly collapsed into my arms. When had this happened?
As he had been hugging me, I realized, upon noticing the other man a few yards up carefully trying to back away. I looked down at my brother's closed eyes and pale face, cupped in my hands streaked with blood and tears.
Another fresh thought: There truly is nothing like ice cold vengeance.
With a keening cry I lay my brother into the dirt, slowly getting to my feet. Looking up, I saw it. The murderer was running.
I started after him, sprinting madly with my sword swinging alongside, tears freezing on my face in the rushing wind. Finally I pushed fast enough to tackle the killer to the ground, my sword already in the air. Both of our blades were unsheathed, however, and only one hit its target.

@ElderGod-Icefire

Hey so uhh….I wrote this and it's based on a character of mine, and I would really like some feedback on it as I am still new to poetry. Thank you!


I used to be
Silk and gossamer
Cotton and summer.
I used to be kind
And happy
And gentle
And true.

Then you took me,
And you
Shattered my mind
And you
Broke my soul
And you
Tore me apart
And you
Remade me.

I am done saving myself
I am done with your lies.
I am coming
For you.
To repay tenfold
What you have done to me.

Don't ask the gods to help you,
They're afraid of me.
Don't run away from me,
You made me into a hunter
A killer; i will find you.

I was a prince
Now I am a weapon
Of war
And ruin.
And you were the one
Who made me this way.

Now I am
Broken glass and swords
Iron and winter.
I am not kind
Not happy
Not gentle
And no longer true.

You made me
This way.
You shouldn't play with
Fire,
If you don't want to get
Burned.

A monster?
So be it.
Monsters do not always have claws
And I am a monster.

@ElderGod-Icefire

Ooh thanks! Errm… I'm actually not sure. I think it's sorta in the middle. Like not perfectly apathetic, but not like….really angry either? Idk if that makes sense I'm exhausted lol

@ElderGod-Icefire

It does, don't worry! I was just making sure I wasn't too tired to feel the anger if you meant it to stand out. Thanks for clarifying, I really do love it

Alright. Thank you!!

I love this poem!! It allows me to understand your character better because of the pain I felt while reading this. This poem speaks to me and I cant figure out why, it is very well written

Ah thank you so much!! It…it actually wasn't written for Evander, but woah it really does fit him really well!! Glad it speaks to you (even if you don't know why lol), and thanks again!

@ElderGod-kirky group

Not inspired by anything, just a random idea I had. Uh, yeah, enjoy?


I opened my eyes for the very first time, and saw the bright and green world for all its magnificent glory. I clung to my mother, with my single stubby limb, curled in on myself and brand new. Help me, my precious child, her soft voice whispered through me, clear and crisp as the morning breeze. Yes, mama, I replied, and slowly stretched myself out to catch the trickling rays of sunlight to help my mother live.

Days and days passed by. My brothers and sisters helped out mother with unwavering loyalty. The hot sun we basked in did little to deter us. The occasional wind barely tried to knock us away from our tall and proud mother. I heard laughter and kisses, my mother groaning as a knife carved into her. I feared for her, but she did not fall. So I worked even harder to make her healthy and strong.

The days got colder, and my siblings started to fall. I was scared. Why were they leaving our strong and powerful mother? What did they have to fear? Go, little one, she called to me. I stubbornly held on, my stubby limb refusing to let go of her finger. Join your siblings. I said no, and continued to stretch myself out for my mother. She needed my help always, and I would not abandon her like the others.

Colder and colder, the wind grew howling. Still, I clung. Still, I held on. My soft and bright skin threatened to wither and brown; still, I held on. The wind promised to carry me to safety; still, I held on. I could hear my siblings, oh so far away. Their crackling laughter joining in with a child's game of run and hide; still, I held on. I grasped my mother's finger oh so tight, even as I was the last to remain. She coaxed me to go, to leave her and be happy for the rest of my days. I shook my head; still, I held on.

I grew weak and tired; my grasp loosened. My mother, my strong and loving mother, sung to me as I finally fell. The wind saw my fall and swept beneath me, gentling the ride and bringing me to someplace safe. There was a child and a mother, playing in a field. The colors all around us were so bright and vibrant. I loved the new sight, so different from the luscious green I was used to.

The grass embraced me, and I curled up against it. The child saw my gentle landing and raced over, grabbing my arm and shaking me around like a madman. My shouts of protest went unheard, but the instinct of a mother must be strong in this one, as the tall woman came over to her shrieking child—to me. Her fingers were so soft and kind as she took me from those grubby and choking ones, as if she knew just how fragile I was now. She turned me around, brushing those kind fingers over my face. Before I knew it, I was being carried off to someplace unknown.

I don't know how long I sat in this darkness, pressed between two sheets of white. I was forced to lay flat by the child, and then I could feel and see nothing but darkness and pressure, which a tint of white from all around me. My skin was now brown and black, but, thanks to the gentle mother, unscathed. I wanted to curl up again, to turn on my side and close my eyes. But I couldn't. I was stuck. I was forced to bear this fate of mine.

The light poured through, and the sheet of white above me was removed. I could see large green eyes peering down at me. The child. Then those hands, those kind and soft hands, coaxing the child away from me. The mother smiled down at me and softly sung a lullaby while she worked. I was moved into a cradle of wood; the scent reminded me of my mother. She was now holding something, but I couldn't see what. She placed the invisible thing over me, but it wasn't tight or restricting like before.

My cradle was moved, placed high above it all. The child, sitting upon the floor, watched as the kind mother put me high up in the air, where I belonged. Her smile was all I needed as I gazed down. Reassurance and pride. I was tall and proud, like my mother. I was worthy of being gazed upon. I was treated with the ultimate kindness, by this gentle woman.

My fate has been sealed, and I couldn't find anything worth changing.

How proud would my mother be of me?