He crossed his arms. "Let me tell you something: promises and words don't mean shit to me. Everyone breaks them. And you've already demonstrated that you're perfectly capable of doing so when it suits you. Sure, you can defend me all you want, but in the end the only person you watch out for is yourself. That's how life goes. That's how it has always been. So. If you decide to get up in the middle of the night, i am going to tie you down in the carriage, and you'll go straight from the carriage to bed tomorrow. Got it?" Without waiting for an answer, he left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
She huffed a wry laugh, dragging a hand through her hair as the door shut behind him. Promises don't mean shit. "You're not wrong, that's for fuckin' sure." He could try to tie her down all he wanted. But it wouldn't hold, it never did. She had a way to escape anything, and being tied down without consent was just asking for her to disappear completely. "Screw being a princess. Lemme be a thief again." She muttered, closing her eyes with a sigh. "Least I was good at that." Thieves were allowed to punch people. Thieves didn't have guards, or have to worry about any sort of tail except the one trying to kill them. And thieves didn't worry about Thari, either.
Kieran grabbed a blanket, and lay down on the carpet, rolling up in it and closing his eyes tiredly. Stupid…it wouldn't be that hard for her to just fucking ask me to help her. But no, she won't. He sighed softly, and undid the bun, letting his hair hang loose.
"Farewell and adieu to me." Elara sang under her breath, slowly slipping into a doze. She wouldn't be able to get a full night's sleep, but she could doze for a bit, for sure. Maybe she'd apologize for being such a pain in the ass in the morning. Or maybe not. Apologies weren't something she did well, in fact, she could barely manage them at all. That was rooted in something deeper than stubbornness though. You can always try. He did get you the ice.
She didn't have much more time for thinking, before she, contrary to her original prediction, fell fully asleep, curled up in the tub with her leg propped up.
Kieran fell asleep after a while, curled up on the floor. His hair, loose from the bun, hung into his face a little bit as he slept. He would wake up quite quickly, though, if Elara needed anything.
It was a few hours later when the dreams got bad.
And as usual, they sent Elara jerking awake with a gasp, feeling cold, so cold, and it had nothing to do with the bathtub she was laying in or the melting ice on her ankle. She kept her eyes wide and focused on the ceiling, up up up as she reminded herself over and over that it was just a dream, that she wasn't in that room anymore, and that the snarls filling her mind were only in her mind.
But there was another sound that wasn't in her mind. She frowned, sitting up now that her shudders had eased, her eyes dropping to the door. Rustling, like restless sleeping. And….were those whimpers?
Kieran tossed and turned, breathing quick and heavy. "No…no please please I-I didn't mean to." He curled up slightly. "Please I-I'm sorry just…just please don't, anything but that please I'd rather take the whipping…" He whimpered softly, eyes squeezed shut and face drawn into a pained expression. A ragged sound escaped his throat, and he curled up into a tighter ball, the blanket only half on his body at this point.
Elara rubbed at her eyes, clearing them of the last vestiges of sleep before pulling herself out of the bathtub carefully. Kieran would be pissed at her for it, but she was a bit more concerned with whether or not he was alright at the moment. "Ktherion?" She called out, opening the bathroom door and leaning against the doorframe. She wouldn't shake him to wake him up. Wouldn't even get too close, knowing that that would be more detrimental than helpful.
Kieran was shaking, and at the call he sat bolt upright, eyes wide. He looked around the room, and his eyes landed on her. "You shouldn't be walking…" He said softly, swallowing and trying to ignore the nightmares and memories that still swirled around in his head. Hands all over his body, pressed face down on a bed, begging for air or for them to just please let him go he didn't mean to please.
"Ya look like ya need air." Elara said, ignoring his comment as she limped to the window, pushing it back open and flooding the room with fresh night air. Once that had been taken care of, she leaned back against the wall, tilting her head as she studied him. "Want t' talk about it? Whatever it is?"
"Go back to bed." He replied. "I'm fine." He was looking down at his hands, which were shaking slightly. "If you aren't going back to bed, then at least sit down. And there's nothing to talk about." His voice was quiet, and he still wasn't looking at her. Hands everywhere i wanted to throw up or pass out or just die rather than be awake for that but i couldn't i couldn't i couldn't…
She narrowed her eyes at him, before sticking out her injured leg into the air. Then she slid down the wall, sitting right there, her leg now just extended. "No talkin' 'bout that. Got it." She leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes as she sighed. No matter how many times she told him she wasn't like the people who had previously…owned him, he wouldn't believe her. He had made that obvious. Wasted words. Besides, what was it mom used to say? Actions speak louder than words. Whatever the fuck that means.
Kieran sighed softly, shaking his head slightly. "Thank you for sitting down." He said quietly. He swallowed, still looking at his hands. He sighed softly. Good thing I didn't sleep in the bed or it would have been so much worse so so much worse… He thought, biting his lip a little.
"Yeah, well, ya were right. Usin' it hurts like hell'n makes it worse." Elara said casually, shrugging a shoulder. She fell quiet again for a bit, a few moments or a few minutes, or somewhere inbetween, before speaking again. "I can' sleep without a wall at my back. Feels like leavin' myself vulnerable. So I stick t' bathtubs, 'cause I can shut the door'n control who comes in and out."
"Thats what I told you." He replied with a shrug. His eyes flickered to her, then down to his hands. "I can't… sleep in a bed. At all. Period. There have been too many…" He shook his head. "I never had one unless…well. You met Jalaan." He closed his orange eyes for a moment, then opened them again.
She wrinkled her nose at the memory of the man, sneering slightly. "Unfortunately. He's a man I'd love t' gut like a fish." She mulled over the bit of information he'd given her, still a bit uncomfortable with her own sharing, but knowing it was the best way to get anything out of him. An eye for an eye. "Ya ever slept in a nest?" Her eyes opened suddenly, the silver one glowing eerily in the darkened room, and the other only visible thanks to the white of her eye.
Kieran made a soft noise at her comment about Jalaan that sounded halfway between a laugh and halfway between a sob. He raised an eyebrow slightly. "Nest?" He echoed in confusion, looking at her. His expression was distant, slightly shutdown. Like he had slammed a door in front of his eyes, refusing to let anything in or out.
She nodded, motioning to the bed, then the floor, then just vaguely with both hands. “A nest. Like, of blankets and shit? I always prefer more pillows’n less blankets, but t’ each their own.” She made like she was going to stand, before rethinking it and flopping back down. “My mom and I used t’ make them durin’ storms, or when I had nightmares.”
Kieran frowned slightly, shaking his head. "No, i haven't. Never had enough pillows or blankets for it." He replied, looking at her, then away again. "Besides, nests are for birds. Not… two legged things." He shrugged slightly.
“Be the bird ya want t’ see in the world.” Elara said, incredibly seriously. Instead of getting up and walking, she scooted towards the bed, pulling herself along with her good leg. “Ya’ve enough now, for a small nest at least.”
Kieran raised an eyebrow. "I'm not a bird." He replied. "And I…don't need anymore sleep tonight. I got enough." He shook his head slightly. I won't be able to sleep anyway; i never can after one of these. He thought, biting his lip for a moment, then looking over at Elara. "Go back to bed, your highness."
"I'm not goin' back there, tha's for sure." Elara said, referring to her mind and the dreams that it created. Or more like, the memories it refused to let lay to rest. She used the bed to pull herself up, and began trying to pull the comforter off, which was a bit of an issue with her ankle. "So no more sleep for both o' us. Come'n stargaze with me." She paused, thinking, before looking over at him. "Please?"
Kieran sighed. "Fine." He said, standing and walking over. "But you really should get more sleep." He helped her with the comforter, holding it. "Where do you want to go?" He asked, looking at her. His orange eyes were distant, and still closed off.
"Should, but can't." Elara said, shrugging a shoulder. She limped over to the window, climbing out and muttering a few choice swear words as she bumped her ankle. "Rooftop stargazing is the best. Clearest view o' the sky."
Kieran nodded. "Do i need to lift you up there? I doubt you can make it up on your own." He said, climbing out the window and putting the comforter on the roof, then climbing back down. "I don't mind picking you up."
“This is so much harder when yer ‘sposed t’ be takin’ care o’ yourself.” Elara complained, giving up for a moment to rethink her strategy. Then she sighed. “Yeah, alright, if you’re sure you don’ mind helpin’ me up.”
Kieran nodded. He reached down with his hands, hooking his legs into the edges of the roof and holding himself securely. He took her hand, wrapping his other arm around her waist, and pulled her up onto the roof, setting her down on the edge as he readjusted himself so he wouldn't fall. "There." He said as he sat down.
Elara met out a small noise of surprise as he lifted her, despite having known it was coming. Might have been because she couldn’t remember the last time anyone had lifted her up like that to help her. Or just been lifted in general. “Uh, thanks.” She said as he set her down, looking up at the sky instead of at him, trying to ignore the slight blush on her cheeks from embarrassment.
He nodded, and spread out the comforter, sitting down on it. "So. Stargazing." He said, looking over at her. His black and white hair was loose, hanging down in curly strands around his face.
“Stargazing.” She repeated with a nod, tugging a hand through her messy hair. “Okay, uh, see that really bright star right there?” She asked, pointing in the direction of the brightest star visible.
