"I know you aren't. Do you think I can't tell?" She spat, suddenly angry. "You don't think that I've studied you for so long that I know when something is wrong? It's painfully obvious." She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes that only made her vision blurrier. "I saw the wounds you're hiding, Jair. I saw them just now! I saw how you pretended everything was fine when I walked in!" She started to sound hysterical. "You don't think I know?!" She stepped backwards and clumsily sat down on his bed, exhausted from exerting energy to yell at him.
"I didn't want you to know!" He replied, nearly shouting. "I didn't want you to worry about me, I didn't want to explain! I should never have come back, you would be happier and better off without me!" I'm too broken for you. I shouldn't have come back, but I wanted to see you again. I had to see you again.
"Why? Don't you know I care for you?!" Kana was shaking again. "Can't you see that I'm clearly not okay without you?"
Jair sat down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." He said, covering his face with his hands. "I was trying to keep you from getting hurt. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I just…" she sighed, starting to calm down. "I want to be there for you." She mumbled, holding her knees to her chest like a kid.
"You shouldn't. You have your fiance, your title… you don't need me." He said softly, not looking at her. "I'm just a broken guard that can't even do his job right anymore."
"I want you." She looked up at him. Kana was starting to feel more and more exhausted, and she started to sway a little bit. "I…need you…."
Jair shook his head. "You don't." He said softly. "You really don't."
She started to cry. "How do you know that? You have no idea what your death did to me! Even if you hadn't visited me, I would've eventually died! And now I know you're alive and you just expect me to let go of you?!"
"Yes! Because I'm a murderer! I killed children!" He shouted. "They were children and I killed them!" He was shaking. "Because I'm not okay and I don't know if I ever will be, and you shouldn't be around me!"
(I'm going to head to bed soon, so I might not reply until sometime tomorrow)
Kana stayed silent, except for her sobs. After a while she looked up at his blurry figure. "Let me help you, Jair." She pleaded, sounding desperate. "I want to help you get better."
Jair shook his head quickly. "No. You have a fiance and a kingdom to run. You don't need to… to be stuck with me, too."
"I won't be stuck with you." She scoffed. "I want to be with you, Jair!"
Jair pulled his knees up closer to himself, almost like a shield. "For how long, Kana? How long until you leave because I'm more broken than you bargained for?" How long until your patience runs out and you can't stand me anymore? How long until I lash out at you by mistake?
"For as long as possible," she sighed. "Jair, please. I'm begging you." Hell, I'll get on my knees and beg if that's what it takes.
He said nothing, staring down at his hands. At the twitching fingers of his left hand. No, Kana. I can't…i should never have let you see me like this. Never.
"Jair?" She said, in a much quieter voice than she realized. She tried to lift herself up and off the bed, but failed. I can't even get up. Kana sighed loudly. "Jair, please say something."
"Like what?" He asked, not looking up. "What do you want me to say?" His voice was soft, defeated.
"Say you'll stay. You don't have to be my guard, just… be my friend."
Jair sighed shakily. "I…you dont want me to stay." He said softly. "You shouldn't."
"Well, I do." She said with a firm tone, suddenly aggressive with her argument. "And if you won't see me, then I'll just see you. I'll just follow you until it's physically impossible for me to."
Jair looked up at her. "Fine." He said softly. "Just…" He shook his head.
Kana's face softened. "Just what?" She asked, trying to make the tone of her voice seem friendly
He shook his head. "Nothing." He replied softly.
"So…" She bit her lip. "Are we good?"
He nodded. "Yeah." He said softly.
Kana's entire face lit up, but she tried to stay calm. (keyword: tried) "Thank you, Jair"
He nodded. "Now answer my question from earlier…are you okay?" He said, looking over at her.
Kana sighed. "Yes…?" She lied, and it was quite obvious. "Don't worry about me, Jair."
