Carter’s tears didn’t stop for a couple more minutes. He wiped at his eyes again, sniffling and taking a moment to breathe and will his emotions to calm down so they could talk. He cried so much the past three years. Pathetic. “I’m sorry I can’t get it together to act right for once,” Carter muttered quietly, almost to himself as he wiped away his tears and tried his best to clear his head.
Arria let out a soft sigh through his nose, shaking his head so some of his now curly hair fell in front of his face, and over his black eye, "Don't apologise," He said, looking out across the ocean, "Take all the time you need." If just maybe they'd both taken time to think through what they'd said to each other on the boat they wouldn't be in this position. Arria felt his heart ache thinking back to what had happened and he honestly wanted to rub at his chest to see if it would help the pain.
Carter slowly calmed down, wiped off the rest of his tears from his eyes. He was determined to not let this end up like what had happened on the boat. He finally found Arria, and he wasn’t going to lose him a third time. “Okay. I’m- I’m okay now,” Carter said softly, taking a deep breath and emotionally prepping himself for this conversation.
Arria glanced down at his tail, leaning back on his hands before glancing at Carter then back down again, “So… care to explain what happened with what’s-his-face first? Or discuss what happened on the boat?” He asked. Both important, one slightly more important then the other but it was up to Carter where this conversation went. As long as they were okay after, that’s all that matters.
Carter took a deep breath. He didn’t know where to begin this conversation in the slightest. “I-I didn’t mean everything I said on the boat.” Carter wrapped his arms around himself, idly tracing his own ribs with his pointer finger. “Just… when you didn’t-… I don’t know. I love you still. I loved you on the boat. But when you-… I just thought you didn’t love me, and- and I freaked out.” Carter still left some words unspoken, but he figured it might be better if they were left to never see the light of day. He didn’t want to risk what he just recovered by saying them aloud.
“So the whole part where I said I did love you just went over your head then? Okay, good to know,” He sighed, tangling a hand in his hair. He didn’t know how he was speaking so calmly and wasn’t stuttering. He guessed he was just so numb to everything now, “Is that it? You just thought I didn’t love you anymore?” Arria looked to Carter, raising a brow.
Carter shied away, not knowing how to speak everything that was swirling in his mind. “Just that- just-“ Carter bit his lip furiously as he tried to speak clearly and strongly, but his words still came out weak as he spoke, “By the time you said you loved me, I thought you were doing it to spite me. I don’t know. I just kept hearing-“ Carter shook his head at himself, pushing those thoughts aside. It felt like he was trying to get through a maze to say the right words yet to still be completely truthful and yet also to not to say something stupid like he had on the boat. “I-I know what I did was horrible, unforgivable,” Carter said softly, closing his eyes. He was too ashamed to look Arria in the eyes. “I don’t know what I expected our reunion to be like, maybe- maybe I just expect everything to be okay, and when it wasn’t I was scared that something broke between us and I’d never be able to get it back.” And maybe that’s the case, and I’ll just have to live with it.
Arria was silent, processing everything that Carter had said. He understood, he hated what had been said but he understood why it had been said. He could tell there was some parts of the story being left out and he’d ask about soon. He gently placed his thumb and forefinger under Carter’s chin, making him look at him, “Carter… I’d never say something just to spite you. I’m not that low. I might’ve changed over the past three years but I would never do something like that, not when I love you so much still,” He said gently.
Carter opened his eyes as Arria took his chin and nodded slightly, swallowing his pain. No more crying, he tried to tell himself at least. He’d become such an easy crier in the past three years, he didn’t know why but it felt like every wrong move he made had tears brimming his eyes. “I- I realize that now,” He said softly, managing a tiny smile. “I just didn’t have time to think about it in the moment, to think how stupid I have been,” Carter spit out the word stupid like it tasted bad on his tongue. He bit down on his lip fiercely and closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath before opening his eyelids once again.
"Carter you…" Arria sighed, trying to piece together what he wanted to say when his head was starting to pound mercilessly, "What you said was stupid, yes, but you're not stupid, I know that much. And… and as long as we try and fix what happened then that's all that matters, yeah?" He hated the fact that he'd gotten into that fight now. His head was pounding and he was trying to have a serious conversation with the man he loved, trying to fix their relationship.
“Yeah,” Carter replied softly, nodding to affirm it. “You’re right.” Carter let out a sigh, staring up at the blue sky above them. Why was it so hard to talk? When had it become so hard to talk for him? Maybe since that day when Arria was kidnapped. Maybe that was why he turned to Jackson for physical comfort, like snuggles and hugs, because he could never talk about it.
Arria took his hand down from Carter's face, slightly reluctantly but he needed it to keep himself balanced, "I'm sorry. About everything I said on the boat, too. We were both in the wrong and I should apologise, too," He bit the inside of his cheek, scrunching his face up for a moment, "I just… it's been three years… and we've both changed and… I can't loose you, Carter. I just can't, not again, not for a third time…"
Carter looked from the sky to Arria, then dared to scoot a little closer to the merman. “I forgive you. I can’t lose you either, Arria,” Carter told him softly, “I don’t know if I could really live with myself if we hadn’t decided to have this conversation now, if you had just swam away when he saw me.” Maybe Carter would’ve just swam too deep so the sea could take him out of all his misery.
He cracked a small smile for a moment, looking down at his lap before it faded a few moments later, "I've waited far too fucking long to see you again and I'll be damned if it all goes to hell now." He mumbled, taking a few deep breaths, to steady his head, "What now, then? Where do we go from here?" It was honestly starting to scare him slightly, but he pushed those fears away for now.
Carter managed a small smile. “I don’t know… why don’t we go back to town and find Gallion and the others, or get you and me patched up,” Carter said and glanced down at his broken stitches and bleeding arm. He looked back up at Arria again as he asked softly, “But before we do anything… can I hug you again?”
(sobs Once again I must compliment you two on your very heartbreaking writing skills, and you should take this and publish it.)
Arria knew finding his friends would have to wait, the stitches on Carter's arm more important then anything else. But he couldn't turn down a hug so he nodded, "Of course you can, you can have as many hugs as you want." He honestly needed a hug, hopefully it would make him feel a little better about everything.
(Publish it? You think it's that good?)
(I agree with Wolfheart!! This is amazing!!)
(Awww thanks guys :) )
(YES PUBLISH IT. THIS WHOLE THING IS FRIKIN' AMAZING!!!!!!)
(I'M JUST GLAD I GET TO READ IT FOR FREE)
(BUT MAKE OTHERS PAY FOR IT)
(I didn't think it was that good but it is good lol)
(Rvan's parts are so good tho like honestly)
(Aww, y’all are really sweet, idk if it could ever get published lol and also if I published a book with gay guys as the protagonists my father might just disown me)
Carter almost tackled Arria with his arms—still wary of the merman’s bruises nonetheless—holding onto him tightly and pressing his face into his shoulder. This comfort was better than the kind of comfort Jackson gave him, this comfort had meaning behind it. This hug was rooted in love. Carter inhaled deeply, re-memorizing Arria’s familiar scent.
(Oof)
Arria made a small oof noise as he was tackled, quickly wrapping his arms around Carter. He'd missed this, missed being held and being able to hold. It'd been far too long. And to think they'd nearly messed everything up completely a few hours ago. Never again. He wouldn't let anything like this happen again.
Carter nuzzled his face into Arria’s shoulder, “I was so scared to lose you again, when I woke up and you weren’t there and they said Maria took you…” Carter subconsciously gripped onto Arria tighter as he spoke, taking another deep inhale.
Arria tangled a hand in Carter's hair, sighing softly, "I know, I get it… At least we don't have to deal with her ever again." He mumbled, pulling Carter even closer if that was even possible. He didn't plan on letting go anytime soon.
“Never again,” Carter whispered, and it wasn’t just Maria he was talking about. Never again would he lose Arria. Never again would he let another man come between them. Never again would he act like he did on the boat.