forum Schoolidoots (PRIVATE-ISH)

Started May 25, 2019 by @ShadeStar

tune

"Hey, I never said it was a good idea. I just said that it was an idea."

Lloyd nodded. "I… I would just feel bad about doing it…"

"You still feel bad about doing a lot of things, don't you?"

"Yeah… stupid feelings…" Lloyd laughed weakly, staring at the floor.

"There's the Lloyd I remember." She rolled her eyes with a smile.

"The Lloyd you remember has been broken apart by severe anxiety and overwhelming stress…" Lloyd smiled weakly, his eyes tired.

"Well, that I expected. But bits and pieces of him are still in there."

"Yeah, I guess…" Lloyd leaned his head against Belle's shoulder, the circles under his eyes visible on his pale face.

"When was the last time you actually slept? And I don't mean sleeping when you pass out."

"Dunno… it's hard to tell the difference sometimes. I work through the night pretty often." Lloyd yawned a bit.

"Lloyd, I don't know what's going to kill you first, the government or the exhaustion."

"Yes…" Lloyd muttered tiredly. "Or just myself. Who even knows anymore…"

"You're just a mess, aren't you?" Belle, I think you accidentally adopted him.

Lloyd nodded. "Very much so… I'm just… I'm so tired and stressed all the time, Belle. It's hard…"

"Lloyd, you need help. And we're willing to give said help to you it's just that you have a hard time accepting it."

"It's just… f-feelings again… I feel bad because you've got more important things to do than to help a useless, anxious coward like me."

"Lloyd, you of all people should know that I've got more time than I know what to do with. Helping you would be better for both of us."

Lloyd fell silent for a few seconds. "I… _{but I don't deserve it…"}

"I swear to God, if it was possible to physically slap sense into someone, I'd smack you right now. Lloyd, you absolutely deserve it. You need it."

"But… w-why? What have I ever done that would make me deserve anyone's help?" Lloyd asked quietly, his eyes shining with tears.

"You're hurting. It's instilled in us as humans to want to help others who are hurting."

Lloyd blinked away tears and looked away. "But I should be helping other people who are hurting… not making them help me."

"You're not making them help you. They're helping because they want to."

"But… other than the fact that I'm a complete mess, why would you want to expend your precious resources to keep someone who is ultimately unimportant alive?"

"Because life sucks and I want to make other people's lives suck as little as possible."

Lloyd quickly tried to brush away tears. "I… I-I…" He stuttered a bit, but couldn't come up with anything to say.

She smiled a little at him. "Relax, everything's okay. You can cry, emotions aren't something that you should suppress."

"B-But if I start crying, then I… t-then I won't be able to stop." Lloyd's voice wavered a bit. "I-I always just end up finding more things to cry about…"

"Well, we've got time and I've got patience so unleash the waterworks."

Lloyd drew in a shaky breath, a couple tears rolling down his pale cheeks. He sat down against the wall with his knees up to his chest, hiding his face as he'd done before.