forum Your personal venting space.
Started by @The-N-U-T-Cracker
tune

people_alt 117 followers

@Fraust

I have like, sensory issues with food or something. It doesn't matter how good it tastes; if the texture is bad, I can't eat it. So I'm pretty picky oof

Deleted user

Yeah, people think depression is always being sad, but like, for me, I can be happy, I just get depressed really fast. Like, one little thing will ruin everything

@GameMaster group

Lately I don’t even know what to do because for some weird reason my anxiety gets all buggy when this one friend asks us for validation. She’s really self deprecating so she asks us our opinion on EVERYTHING. I don’t really understand why it bothers me but when she does it I usually have to leave the group chat for a while. I tried silencing her but that got me in trouble with another friend and even though I’ve told her how uncomfortable it makes me she keeps doing it and I don’t know what to do.

@Trix

It sounds like she relies on your opinions too heavily because her own self-confidence isn't up there.

@GameMaster group

I know she has some problems of her own (nothing diagnosed like mine. Just low self-esteem) so I don’t really know what to do. I’ve told her that it makes me uncomfortable and she doesn’t stop. I try and help her feel more comfortable in her skin and she doesn’t stop. The last person that made me this uncomfortable was someone who constantly triggered my touch aversion by grabbed my butt, sides, hair, and face. My whole friend group cut that person out because of how disrespectful she was to us. I also feel like the girl that is currently causing me problems seems to self deprecate and then never do anything about it. She complains about being fat (which is total BS by the way) and then talks about eating really unhealthy food and she keeps saying she’s going to workout but never does. I was overweight for a while but I did meal plans, counted sugar, and worked out daily for two months and I got a lot better but she refuses to listen to me. I feel like I can’t talk to her anymore because it’s getting out of hand. Nobody is going to judge her by the color of her hairband (a question that was actually asked).

@hollow-boned

so apparently my cishet (2-day) ex went and told his parents that i'm trans and his parents TOLD THE FUCKING PRINCIPAL. she's known for several months. she called me to her office and talked to me abt it and abt how she could help me deal w stuff and i broke down and cried like three times and my eyes are still stinging and she hugged me and wow now i wanna cry
also i might go talk to the piece of shit bc he had no goddamn right to do that

@Trix

Aww the staff at your school are nice. BUT THAT MF EX WTF.
ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ (dat's an accurate depiction of me preparing to fight)

@hollow-boned

he didnt tell them to hurt me, we used to be best friends and everything. i think the teacher noticed that we suddenly went from constantly hanging out together to shooting daggers at each other from our eyes and she caled the parents in to ask and they told her that we broke up bc i'm trans. idk man cishet ppl just dont understand how this stuff affects ppl's lives.

Deleted user

Wow what a jerk but I'm happy things went well for ya anyways YK

Deleted user

I feel so worthless and pathetic like I'm an absolute waste of human life

Das no good. Why? And you are not in any way a waste, by the way, quiet the opposite.

@ravens

I feel so worthless and pathetic like I'm an absolute waste of human life

no!!!! stop that!! You are worth so much to us, Ella. I personally consider you to be one of my (online) best friends. Love you, girl <3

@Trix

Hold on. Let her vent. This is the venting chat.

Well yes of course but if she wants to after she's welcome!

Oh it wasn't really directed at anyone, there was a lot happening and I wanted to let her feel free to rant it out.

@The-N-U-T-Cracker

Why?

I can't seem to do anything…
I'm falling behind on every possible thing you can fall behind on, school, artwork, writing, working, exercising, cleaning, socializing, taking care of your own health… you name it.

I haven't accomplished anything major within the past month or two, all I ever do is curl up in a ball watching YouTube while procrastinating all of my responsibilities, and it's gotten to the point where even my parents have noticed… (That's weird, they never seem to notice anything wrong with me…) But instead of trying to help or encourage me to actually do stuff so I can get my life back together and have hope for my own future, my mom just walks into my room every once in a while, makes a comment on how lazy or worthless I am, makes me feel guilty over something, and then leaves.

Even when I don't procrastinate and actually try my best to accomplish something, I can't do it, It's like I keep getting worse…

I had made so much progress at the beginning of the year, I'd started exercising, fixed my slouching issue, started praying more often, even managed to get over my severe nail biting habit that's been negatively affecting me for years now… It's all gone. All that progress is gone. Somewhere along my path to becoming a better, more likable human, I've managed to somehow retreat backwards, give up on everything, lose all the qualities that make me even remotely likeable, and fall into a ditch.

I keep coming up with excuses but I really only have myself to blame… I dug myself into this hole, I'm too much of a pathetic little chicken to try and climb my way out, so I'm hiding at the bottom until either someone fixes my problems for me or I die here. Either way is fine at this point.

And since I'm an absolute idiot, instead of working on these things, I sit around stressing about what the future will be like for me if I don't ever improve.
Considering I have basically no education, talent, or really anything, I doubt I'll be able to find a sustainable career that'll allow me to actually follow my dreams and live a somewhat happy life. What's that? I can draw? oH yeah, that'll help me so much, the one path infamous for never having any success because everyone's just gonna steal your work and leave you to starve, I'm sure that'll benefit me so much.

…This rant's gone in 48 directions all at once (Just like my mental state!), I doubt it made any sense, I'm sorry for making you read all that, aaaghghasggvgiuhjb knjklhbhvgfutch vbhjihbkjnkmsnabkhfhlknbsvhbklkn.mlk

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