forum Your personal venting space.

Started January 17, 2019 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Wow, my parents had no idea I had anxiety. And I thought it was obvious what with the frequent panic attacks and whatnot.

Well it’s a very nerve-wracking thing to tell someone. You either feel like they won’t care or they’ll think you’re insane because you now technically have a mental illness. It kinda sucks:

Yeah, it is scary to confess if you think you have something like that. Sometimes you feel like people will think you’re just begging for attention, which was what I was scared of.

deep breath I'm very, very sorry to post this in the middle of your very serious talk of depression and anxiety, but I really need to let it all out. And, I'm also very sorry; this might be very long. But, it's been bottled up for a little while, and I really need to get it off my chest.

When I was in second grade- so probably seven years old- I met a boy on the playground. (Let's call him Tam; he's a year older than me so eight at this time.) Tam did a lot of stupid things; he got in trouble a lot. Now I usually would have avoided a trouble maker like him, but I didn't and instead decided to put up with his antics. (I would try to tell him not to do things, but he wouldn't listen.) In doing so, I discovered that he's extremely nice, but just rough because of the way people treat him. I started standing up for him, and we became really close friends. At the time he had a massive crush on me, but I was too oblivious to tell.
Fast forward to halfway through middle school; he's one of my best friends at this point. I listen to him after break ups and comfort him; he comforts me after petty arguments with other friends and bullies. We hang out whenever possible. I've become his conscience at this point. He listens to me; I can talk him out of things. We are close, and my oblivious butt wasn't even aware of to what measure. At this point, his crush for me had faded, but he did still really care for me. (No duh.) So, if any of his friends had a crush on me, he'd threaten "If you hurt her in any way, I will end you." Which would scare them so bad that they wouldn't even try. I was completely unaware of this.
Fast forward to high school, and do I even have to say how close we are at this point? I've ended my friendship with one of my best girl friends, because she made fun of this boy. I've chewed people out for talking crap about this boy. I've chewed other friends out for talking crap about this boy. This boy helped me get through marching band without killing everyone. This boy, whom I am the voice of reason for, became my voice of reason at certain times. This boy would always, ALWAYS know when I was having a bad day. This boy is hilarious. He's got freckles. He's a dork. Needless to say, I started crushing on him. But, he was too oblivious to tell. I got with some other guy, who was a COMPLETE mistake, and that's the BIGGEST understatement. But, when that finally ended, guess who was there? Guess who got me to fall for him all over again?
Fast forward to the current final stage of this… We started dating, and everything was perfectly fine. But, when we got out of the puppy love stage, we needed space. That's normal. But, I started over thinking things, and I started feeling uncomfortable for no reason. Everything was perfect; I couldn't find a reason to be uncomfortable, but yet I was. And, because of that, I felt like I was lying to him. I didn't want to lie to him. I couldn't be lying to him. I couldn't be wasting his time with my unsureness… So, I let him go… We are still really close. We talk almost every day. I still have his hoodie, where he won't take it back. He tries to cheer me up when I'm upset. Just here recently he got all my friends together to lift me out of my depressed funk. One of my friends thinks Tam is still in love with me… They think I'm still in love with him… I think they may be right. But, I'm so afraid to try again. I mean, I broke up with him; won't it be weird if we just get back together? And, I'm afraid. I overthink everything. I ran away once; I'm terrified that I'll just do it again. I'm scared of trapping him. I'm scared of wasting his time. I'm scared of being cared for, because I'd rather heal his scars than have him worry about mine. I'm afraid that every bit of the disaster I am is a massive waste of time, but he was ready to waste all of that time yet I ran away… And, I feel horrible for that… So, I do still love him. I think it every day. I'd love to be with him all over again. .. But, I'm afraid I'd just run away again, and knowing me I just might…

deep breath I just needed to say all of that… Again, I'm very sorry for taking up your time with a long post, and I'm very sorry for interrupting your conversation.

NONONO DO NOT APOLOGIZE THAT IS THE CUTEST WAY TO FIND A FRIEND AWWWW

But seriously, I say tell him. You don’t find people to be close to like that every day. However, if he doesn’t reciprocate those same feelings, I say don’t underestimate the power of platonic relationships. Please know that just because you guys aren’t dating, that doesn’t mean you can’t be just as close.

I'm not afraid of if he doesn't feel the same; I know we'll still be close. But, if he does still feel the same still, I'm afraid of wasting his time. I'm afraid that if we get back together that I'll just run away again.

Well, all I can say is: take the plunge. You’ll be glad you did. And it seems to me that it’s very possible that he loves you back. That’s something that you would hate to have missed out on.

You're probably right… Thank you for listening, and for the words of advice/encouragement. Hopefully I'll be able to follow them, but it takes a bit for me to get up the nerve to do something like that.

No problem! And thank you for sharing that story, it is honestly like something you would read in a book. I hope it turns out well for you!

You wanna know my opinion? Not to be rude, but GET THE HELL BACK WITH HIM! You guys seem to be legit perfect for each other and you will so regret it if you don’t take the chance. I have lost that chance with so many great guys because of that I’ve been scared, and none of those guys were even half as amazing as your guy seems to be.

Thank you for your opinion and encouragement. Every little bit kind of helps me build up courage to do so.

I’m obviously not a relationship expert, but that is one of the cutest things I’ve read in a long time and I think you should go for it. No regrets. If it doesn’t work out, you can go back to being super close friends.
For me at least, time spent with loved ones is never “wasted time”, it’s an important, special moment that I can look back on and smile. I bet he’ll feel the same way, even if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Just go for it. You got this <3

Thank you. I wanna try to; I really do.

@ Isabel i broke up w one of the most important people in my life last may. i started dating julian a week later. neither of us were ready for it and it was awkward and we broke up after five days mutually. we got back together this year and i think he might be the one. did i think it might be weird to get back together after it went so bad? yeah. we did it anyway because we felt we should and we felt like soulmates. it's working really well. go for it. you don't know what might happen.

Thank you for sharing your story; I'm glad it's going well for you. I hope it goes well for me too.

(everyone on here knows my story bc i never shut the fuck up abt him, i just meant to illustrate a point lmao)
i'm sure it'll go well. if everyone thinks you guys are into each other it's usually true

After hearing all that, I'm convinced you should.
Take their advice! See how it goes!

oH GOSH HELP ME
I was happily chilling in my room, sketching a portrait that I’ll never finish, as usual
When suddenly, ANOTHER UGLY BEETLE CREATURE (It was a bit smaller this time so I don’t think it was a cockroach) DECIDED TO FALL FROM THE CEILING, BARELY MISSING MY HEAD, STRAIGHT ONTO MY DRAWING TABLET WHERE IT CONTINUED TO SQUIRM AROUND AND TORMENT ME WITH ITS HIDEOUS EXISTENCE.

I wasn’t kidding the other day, please get me out of here until someone comes and sprays pesticides or whatever, I don’t know how much longer I can take this

Is there any way you can lure them out?

Not really. My mom finally called the exterminators but it’ll be a few days before they actually come and spray stuff, so I’ve only got to suffer for just a few more days.

…In case it’s not obvious, I don’t enjoy the feeling of lying in my bed after a long day only to be hit with the realization that I could very likely be sleeping with two spiders, a family of roaches, an undiscovered species of rat, the souls of the innocent, thirteen uneaten donuts, and the remains of the Titanic.

"What do you want to eat?"
"THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT!"
"A bagel."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Two bagels."

Iconic ^^

"What do you want to eat?"
"THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT!"
"A bagel."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Two bagels."

I saw a miraculous ladybug post about that once

Oh gosh… There was a spider this time.
In. My. Bed.

I can't do this anymore, I don't want to be here, get me far away from this place-

…I know this is such a dumb thing to vent about but I'm actually terrified, on the verge of a panic attack, and I need hugs. Please. It was an ugly spider too (although let's be honest, all spiders are ugly. Every single one of them), someone put me out of my misery already

sends virtual hug