forum Don't Be Suspicious

Started March 01, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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Are you saying people don’t deserve happiness? When does the line stop? Who deserves happiness and who doesn’t ?

But why force somebody to stay with a person they don't love? What makes their happiness less valuable?

It's not about happiness meaning more or less. It's about someone keeping their word.

Well if 'keeping their word' is harmful, why force it? If someone swore that they would kill somebody and didn't keep their word, is that also bad because they broke their word?

I just jumped back into this chat and I'm guessing you're talking about divorce so:
Divorce is a good thing.

But why force somebody to stay with a person they don't love? What makes their happiness less valuable?

It's not about happiness meaning more or less. It's about someone keeping their word.

Well if 'keeping their word' is harmful, why force it? If someone swore that they would kill somebody and didn't keep their word, is that also bad because they broke their word?

Because the thing they swore to in the beginning was immoral it is not the same situation.

I just jumped back into this chat and I'm guessing you're talking about divorce so:
Divorce is a good thing.

Would you like to argue your case?

I just jumped back into this chat and I'm guessing you're talking about divorce so:
Divorce is a good thing.

Would you like to argue your case?

If you are in a bad relationship, then you should get a divorce.

Or fix the relationship. Making something better is better than chucking it in the trash when things get hard.

What if abuse is involved? Domestic violence?

I've answered that on here already. Then it's different. Don't mind the salt

But you're suggesting that any relationship can be fixed. I was just clarifying, I didn't see your comment about it, sorry.

Yeah sorry. I get kind of annoyed after reiterating something repeatedly.

But you're suggesting that any relationship can be fixed. I was just clarifying, I didn't see your comment about it, sorry.

But I do think most relationships can be fixed. Even ones with abuse. Just that the chances of that are a lot more slim.

Sometimes, things just don’t work out between two people. Like two puzzle pieces that almost fit, but not quite.

But anyone can love anyone. Soulmates do not exist. A pity to say, from a romantic perspective, but true.

True, but love doesn’t last forever. It can, but it usually doesn’t. If someone wants to move on, and find something new, that’s up to them.

Only if love is a feeling. Which I do not believe.

Only if love is a feeling. Which I do not believe.

What do you define it as then?

It is a sacrifice you make. Constantly putting the other person ahead of yourself no matter what you feel.

You can't only ever put someone else before yourself, man. Your own needs and happiness are just as important. There's a balance you need, the right mix of giving and taking. Some days one person might need to take more, and their partner should understand and be willing to give more love, while other days, it'll be the other way around. A relationship isn't about putting your partner ahead of you at all times, it's about understanding each other and being willing cooperate.

Well we are human, But that is what love really is. Putting others before yourself.

That might be part of it, but that's not all of it.

Do you think the rest of it is just feelings? Or do you think there is more?

I think it's incredibly complicated, and not exactly something to be just separated into binaries like that. Part of it is feelings, most definitely. Maybe that's the initial thing, the spark, that makes you want a relationship. They do take work, yeah, but some people blend easier than others. Some people just don't have the right feelings and personalities to mix with each other, or they get too far and realize that it was just lust or something. It's a mix of feelings, work, and willingness.

Love is not putting anyone before yourself. Love is a partnership into finding happiness together, being strong for each other equally. Love is not a sacrifice, or selflessness, it's about building yourself and your partner up as a single unit to become one strong link.
If one person is supporting the other and putting the other before them then the relationship it out of balance, it's not right. One person cannot just take take take and the other give give give. That's not love.

That is still abuse.

I don't think you should just say "hey, I don't think I love you anymore. Let's divorce." That's 100% not okay in my opinion.

But it's never like that. There are so many issues that people realize makes them incompatible compared to how they once were. And that is okay. People should be able to make that choice for themselves. It takes as much thinking and stress to even think about divorcing someone as it does to grieve a death. It's not easy. Most will say it was the hardest thing they ever did, because many chances were given but many failed.

Happiness is a right. Living your life the way you want to is a right of freedom.
But she doesn't love you anymore, so you would force her to stay with you? That's….abuse.

But like I said earlier. That means denying me happiness is abuse. And so I do not think happiness is a right.
Is forcing you to pay off your credit card abuse?

Sacrificing someone's life just because you want to be happy is not love. You cannot take away someone's right to chose their path to happiness and life. Forcing someone to stay with you when they do not love you anymore, when the relationship doesn't work anymore, is not trying to fix it, that's further breaking that person trust and will.
Everyone needs to care for themselves first. Keep their individuality in every relationship. I would sacrifice anyone's happiness if it mean that I am safe and not in an abusive relationship with someone who wouldn't let me leave. That's practically kidnapping.

Actually paying of my credit card does make me happy. Less debt=happy Eris.

Love is not putting anyone before yourself. Love is a partnership into finding happiness together, being strong for each other equally. Love is not a sacrifice, or selflessness, it's about building yourself and your partner up as a single unit to become one strong link.
If one person is supporting the other and putting the other before them then the relationship it out of balance, it's not right. One person cannot just take take take and the other give give give. That's not love.

That is still abuse.

I never said the other person would just take. That is wrong. But it doesn't lessen the love of the person giving.

I think if there are two people in a relationship and one doesn't love the other anymore, they shouldn't be together. If the person who is still in love truly loved the other person and truly wanted them to be happy, they would recognize that their partner is not happy with them. And if they really want them to be happy, they wouldn't try to make a relationship work that definitely wouldn't work, they would let the other person go. Dom, you said love is sacrifice. Sometimes that looks like not being in the relationship anymore. Because if the person you love isn't happy, you shouldn't force them to be with you, continuing to make them unhappy. That's not love.

Happiness is a right. Living your life the way you want to is a right of freedom.
But she doesn't love you anymore, so you would force her to stay with you? That's….abuse.

But like I said earlier. That means denying me happiness is abuse. And so I do not think happiness is a right.
Is forcing you to pay off your credit card abuse?

Sacrificing someone's life just because you want to be happy is not love. You cannot take away someone's right to chose their path to happiness and life. Forcing someone to stay with you when they do not love you anymore, when the relationship doesn't work anymore, is not trying to fix it, that's further breaking that person trust and will.
Everyone needs to care for themselves first. Keep their individuality in every relationship. I would sacrifice anyone's happiness if it mean that I am safe and not in an abusive relationship with someone who wouldn't let me leave. That's practically kidnapping.

Actually paying of my credit card does make me happy. Less debt=happy Eris.

You're right. That is not love. That is expecting someone to be an adult who follows through on what they promised. It's not me taking it away. It's keeping the person from getting off the train they signed up to be on.
True. But there is such a thing as counseling.
What happened to "yourself and your partner up as a single unit"? I talked about this abusive relationships are off the table because we all agree that divorce is sometimes the only option in that case.
But it is a forced contract. Though one you agreed to. Don't you feel you should be able to get out of that agreement if you do not want it anymore?

I think if there are two people in a relationship and one doesn't love the other anymore, they shouldn't be together. If the person who is still in love truly loved the other person and truly wanted them to be happy, they would recognize that their partner is not happy with them. And if they really want them to be happy, they wouldn't try to make a relationship work that definitely wouldn't work, they would let the other person go. Dom, you said love is sacrifice. Sometimes that looks like not being in the relationship anymore. Because if the person you love isn't happy, you shouldn't force them to be with you, continuing to make them unhappy. That's not love.

Including if you both promised to stay together?