I chewed on my bottom lip before pulling her into a tight hug.
“Not being able to protect you,” I finally confessed. “My worst fear is not being able to keep you away from her. That I’ll be reason she’ll finally get her hands on you. I’m terrified that I’ll be too late to save you. I’m terrified of losing you, and I would rather die than lift a finger against you.”
“No…” I breathed, swallowing thickly as my throat began to close up. “No. If I—If I’m turned, and I try to hurt you, you have to fight back. Even—Even if it means killing me. Because I’d take my life to save yours any day.”
I cupped her cheeks, looking at her fiercely. How could she ever suggest something like this to me? Did she really think I could kill her?
”No.” I said sharply. “There’s no way I’ll ever hurt you. Never willingly. I will either bring you back, or die trying but I will never hurt you. Never ask me to do that agin, do you understand me? Never ask me to kill the love of my life.”
I still couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Colton, if I woke up—if I came back up and found you dead… I’s kill myself anyways. Save at least one of our lives. If I was being controlled—if I was being forced to hurt you and other people—“
I pulled her into another kiss, and another one after that, pushing all of my emotions into the contact.
“No. No matter what happens, you have to live on,” I said to her, eyes burning. “My Elle doesn’t give up easily. She’s strong, she’s brilliant. And I won’t let our fears come true. I won’t let you fall in her trap. Like Altair said—the future is unpredictable. I’ll prevent it. I promise. Neither of us will die.”
“Your Elle wouldn’t want to live in a world where she had to bury your body,” I whispered, fumbling to lace our fingers together. “Your Elle would rather die than kill you. But if we’re going to stop this… you can’t do it alone. I’ll be there every step of the way, until you’re in danger from me. Then I’ll… I’ll say… goodbye..”
I clicked my tongue, shaking my head.
“You know you’re saying something that’s already been happening, right?” I tightened my hold on her. “I’m dangerous and you’re still here even though you shouldn’t be. No matter what goes wrong, there’s no way I’ll leave. Whatever you do, I’ll never leave your side.”
“But that’s different,” I insisted on a hoarse voice, “You’re you. Colton Miller. More important. A better person. Of course I’m still here.. You say that you’ll never leave my side, but there’s a chance that you will. If you hurt me, you said that you’ll leave.”
I narrowed my eyes into a glare, fixing my attention to her hands. We needed to have those heal.
"I'm no more important than an average man, Elle," I said in a rather quiet tone. "But you're different. You're the one who's going to show the world women can be just as good bondmates as men. You're the one who can break down the laws banning women. The only thing I need to do is lead the country and protect you until you're no longer in danger. The throne would not be in danger if I'm no longer alive. I'm not the only heir. But you… if you die, if something happens to you, chances of freedom are gone."
I lead her over to my room where Key had already taken out the medical kit. I pushed her to sit, opened the kit and began to clean her wounds.
"I won't leave your side unless absolutely necessary. If I cause you pain, I would have no choice but to leave. I need to protect you, not injure you," I looked up to lock eyes with her. "And maybe I can't be healed. Maybe I'll perish and my body would just be a vessel for evil. Maybe what you need to do is kill the evil, not me. We don't know what the future holds, but whatever it is, I would rather die protecting you than be the reason of you turning."
I refused to look up, refused to meet his devastatingly beautiful eyes.
"Colton….." My breath hitched. Each word he spoke struck me like a bullet, like a knife to the heart. The memories of my nightmare, of the living hell in Altair's classroom, were emblazoned at the forefront of my mind, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wash them away. My hands stung like hell, still leaking crimson, but I barely registered the pain. All that mattered was Colton and what he was saying to me. "You're going to be healed… We're going to heal you.. I swear it on my life, Colton."
After I bandaged her hands, I brought them to my lips, kissing her palms gently. "I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll always love you," I said to her, my voice lacing with warmth. "Nothing will change that. You are and you always will be my priority."
I threw my arms around him and pressed my mouth to his, my eyes screwed shut. "I wish… I wish we could be normal—" My voice broke. "Can't we be seventeen?" Pulling away, I touched my nose to his. "Normal teenagers. It seems so impossible, doesn't it?"
(this week on: Spot the Heathers reference)
I closed my eyes, the feeling of Elle’s lips on mine still present. My lips tingled and I wanted to kiss her again. I refrained myself. The desperation in her voice felt like a stab to the heart. I wanted her to be normal. I shared the same desires as her. Wishing to be a normal teenage couple madly in love.
Then I had an idea.
“I can take you out,” I murmured. “To the Imperial City. We can disguise ourselves out there and we can have the freedom of being normal for even one day.”
My face lit up, but fell almost instantly. “They’ll recognize you. And then the gossip circles will start talking. They’ll harass my family, and that will risk my brother being found out. I wish we could, but…”
“We can dress up as commoners,” I murmured. “Wear wigs. If not the Imperial City, then maybe a far off village…”
I let my fingers drift over his cheekbones. “But your face…. it would be instantly recognizable. Is there any way you can… I don’t know…”
I leaned into her touch, sighing softly.
“What about an illusion?” I murmured, looking up into her eyes. “There’s a spell for an illusion commonly used by Defenders. I can get you the spell book from the Royal library.”
A smile overtook my lips.
“Yes,” I breathed, “Please. That would be amazing.”
I pressed our lips together again, kissing her softly before I pulled away. “I’ll go get the book, then. Stay here, okay? Get comfortable in the bed. Snuggle with the pillow or something.”
“Okay..” I agreed, smiling down at my bandaged hands. “Be quick..”
I pecked her lips again before nuzzling her neck. I stood up and began to make my way towards the Royal library, expression tight. It was so easy to slip into the persona I had created for myself.
Once I found what I was looking for, I walked back to my room, the heavy book against my chest.
I lay back against the pillow, pushing a hand through my hair. “What have I gotten myself into?” I murmured to myself, sighing through my nose while a breathless smile overtook my lips.
When I entered my room, Elle was lying on the bed, a smile on her features. Seeing her like this made me smile, too. I couldn’t wait for the day I could take her out as Elle, not as Elliot.
“I’ve got it,” I said to her, walking over to the bed and taking a seat next to her. I handed the book to her.
I smiled, slightly breathless. “Thank you, love. I can’t wait…. you’ll finally get to see me with long hair…”
Opening the book, I proped it up on my knees. Still laying on my back, I reached over to take his hand.
I squeezed her hand, giving her a kiss.
“Do you miss it?” I asked her quietly as she opened the book. “Your long hair?”
“I do,” I confessed quietly, thumbing through the first few pages. “It was nice… having it flow over my shoulders. I could do so much with it…”
I pulled her to me, kissing her head. “You can grow them out again when I remove those laws. I’ll buy you the prettiest dresses, the best shampoos. You’ll be living happily, comfortably.”
As my queen, but I didn’t dare say that aloud lest she grew uncomfortable. After all, we’d only been together for a few days now.
“You’re the best boyfriend I could ask for~” I answered teasingly, but there was a note of truth in my voice. “If you could have one, material thing, what would it be? Anything in the world.”
I thought over it for a while before shrugging. “Honestly, I’m not sure. What about you?”
I thought for a moment, allowing a soft puff of breath to part my lips. “Honestly? A red dancers skirt. One of the flowy silk ones. The red ones aren’t on the market anymore, and they’re nice for figure skating, so….. is that shallow?”