I nodded and blinked away yet more tears. Before long, I was slipping away from his warmth and into the bathroom, where I pressed my back against the door and brought the fresh change of clothes to my face. The idea that I would carry his scent in the morning, wake up with his shirt on my skin drove me wild. It was yet another reminder that we belonged to each other. That we weren’t alone.
Soon enough, I was loosening my binder, cool, soft fabric slipping over my skin. I returned to him with my blonde curls ruffled and the oversized shirt nearly slipping off one shoulder—why was I so nervous all of a sudden?
I leaned against my bed’s headboard, the witch’s voice returning the second Elle took her leave.
I never thought you could disappoint me so much than you’ve done now.
I said nothing.
Can’t you see, boy? She’s using you. You must be stupider than I thought.
“Oh, shut up…” I muttered, too taken in my Elle to take her words seriously. And then the woman plaguing my thoughts came back, the shirt slipping off of her shoulder.
My mouth instantly went dry—her exposed skin causing my insides to lurch, need coursing through me. This wasn’t good. I wanted to push her against the bed and take her right there and then, but I calmed myself. Or tried to.
She looked extremely small in my clothing, and to say she looked amazing would be an understatement. She looked absolutely breathless. She looked mine just as much as she was.
I finally patted on the spot beside me, urging her to join me in bed so I could pull her into my arms.
“Hey,” I greeted shyly, settling cautiously beside him on the bed. A blush now stained my cheeks, though not as strong as it had been when he’d pushed me against the wall. “Do I—Do I look okay?”
I snatched her arm and pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms around her.
“Okay?” I repeated, tilting my head down to look at her in the eyes, to show her how much seeing her like this bothered me—in a good way. “You look beyond okay, Elle. You look breathtaking. I can’t believe you’re actually mine.”
How could he be this good at making me melt?
“Breathtaking?” I echoed, fumbling for words once I saw the hungry look in his eyes. “Colton—I’m in an oversized shirt and baggy sweatpants. I hardly think that—“
I cut her off by crushing our lips together, shifting so she was underneath me. I rested my arms on either side of her for support, kissing her passionately, letting the impatient side of me out. I pulled into a comfortable position, tilting my head to have a better access to her lips.
“One look at you drives me crazy,” I hissed against her lips. “And you think you hardly look the part?”
I bit back a choked gasp, my eyes going wide.
“I—I guess I’m doing something right—“ I managed to stammer. My face burned, but even so, I found my hands slipping around his waist, pulling him down.
I broke away from her lips to trail kisses down her jaw, careful not to divulge too deep and give her a mark.
Instead, I placed gentle kisses on her exposed skin, feeling it against my lips, the taste driving me insane.
“God knows how much I’ve longed to do this,” I growled against her skin, reaching up to meet her mouth again. “Hold you in my arms, kissing you senseless…”
A broken gasp flew from my lips as his lips blazed trails down my neck. And when he growled against my skin, tightened his hold on me, I swear, I saw stars.
”Cole—“ I managed to whimper, my heart pounding with wild abandon. But despite the fact that he had me breathless and dizzy from pleasure already, I continued to tempt him. “I—I’m not senseless yet…”
I took her lip between my teeth, biting down before I pulled on it.
“Do you know what sort of trouble you’re pulling yourself into, tempting me like this?” I whispered harshly. “I’m trying hard enough to not take you right now. Trust me, love, you don’t want me to snap.”
“Or do I?” The words flew from my mouth before I had the chance to stop them. Colton… He was a drug, and I was the worst possible addict. Even the thought of being parted from him sent me into a panic, no matter the length of time. Who in their right mind would want to distance themselves from this perfect creation?
I responded by trailing kisses down her throat, desperate and filled with want. Control snapped and the more her scent filled my nose, the more I desired her.
My hands slipped under her shirt, brushing against her stomach. I kept them there, my lips on her collarbone, pausing so she could stop me if she wanted to.
And all of a sudden, my desire was replaced with fear. Ecstasy vanished into thin air, hazy euphoria evaporated like a puddle left beneath a sweltering sun. I couldn’t do this—not even with him. Not so soon.
I wasn’t innocent, I had gone much farther than this before. Some would call me experienced. Right now, I called myself afraid.
My whole body went slack against the mattress, panic flooding my mind. How was I supposed to stop him? To refuse? I couldn’t do that to him, couldn’t bear to watch disappointment fill his gaze. So I remained perfectly still, letting him have his way with me even as nausea threatened to overtake my body.
When I felt her slack against the mattress, I paused. Gently removing my hands from underneath her shirt, I reached up to peck her cheek softly before I laid back on the side, pulling her towards me.
I should have kept myself in control. I shouldn’t have gone that far—we’d just confessed a few hours ago. This wasn’t right. No wonder she panicked. What if she thought that was all I wanted from her?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tangling our legs together. “I shouldn’t have been too forward. I should have respected you. I’m sorry. Elle, can you forgive me?”
I pulled my legs from beneath his and curled up into a tight ball on my side, breathing heavily. My eyes were squeezed shut, my hands balled into fists—I was a mess.
“No,” I objected shakily, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be—I shouldn’t be freaking out over this. I don’t want to disappoint you.. Forgive me.”
I picked myself off of the bed, pulling her up. I rested my finger on her chin, tilting her head up so she stared into my eyes.
“You will never disappoint me,” I told her, my eyes softening. “It’s to be expected. We haven’t even been together for a whole day and I’m already taking the next step. There’s nothing to apologize about. If anything, I’m just upset you didn’t tell me to stop.
“Elle, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And if you don’t want to do this thing, it’s perfectly all right with me. It’s stupid, anyway. It’s not important. I can bring you pleasure in other ways.”
And all of a sudden, I was crying again. Not a terrential downpour, no broken sobs, only silent, sparse tears.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, practically begging for him to embrace me, to hold me in his arms. “I—I’m such a mess——Thank you. No one—My last lover never—never said that to me.”
I pulled her into my arms, wrapping them around her tightly, taking in a deep breath as I rested my chin on top of her head. My eyes darkened when she mentioned her ex.
“I can only say they’re stupid,” I murmured, massaging her scalp lightly. “You are made to be respected. You deserve to stand up high with people bowing to you. Elle, you are a diamond—beautiful, strong, and worthy to be admired. I’m falling for you every second. I love each and every part of you. Your clumsiness, your nose, eyes, ears, mouth, cheeks, your smile—I love them all. And if it means I get to keep that smile on your face, I’d do anything.”
I felt a bit like I was breaking while he held my pieces together. It felt like the world was crashing down around us, just a little. And that was okay. This was entirely new to both of us—we were learning. Together. And as ridiculously cheesy as I felt admitting that, even in my head, it helped. It was true.
I buried my face in his chest nodding. “Thank you—You have no idea how much that means to me. I—I know I’m a mess. And I’m always going to be one, deep down. I just—“ My breathing stalled. “Can we just cuddle and pretend this never happened? Would that be okay with you?”
I let out a chuckle, shaking my head.
“Elle, I have voices in my head. I have a dark being inside of me that fights for control. I’m scared of falling asleep and never waking up as myself again. You’re not a mess alone, Elle, but that’s what makes it meaningful. We both have each other,” I kissed her on the forehead. “And yes, we can cuddle. If you want, we can pretend this never happened. But trust me when I say this—I would rather have you in my arms, enjoying my warmth than be inside of you with you not wanting it. Do you understand?”
“Yes…” I whispered gratefully, “I understand. Thank you…”
You’re the only person who’s ever said that to me. The others—they didn’t hurt me. They weren’t rough. But they never asked…. I don’t know if they cared..
Inhaling shakily, I scooted back down until I was lying on my side, patting the empty space beside me. “Hug me.. Please.” Feeding off my residual distress, a trembling note of Windsong trickled into my voice, luckily nowhere near strong enough to bend a person to my will.
I joined her, making myself comfortable, pulling the covers over us before I pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms around her. I rested my chin on the top of her head, tangling our legs together.
“Like this?” I murmured, sighing softly. I could never get tired of holding her like this.
“Like that…” I sighed in contentment, losing myself in the feeling of security that had once again returned.
Out of the blue, I spoke up, slight anxiety muffling my voice. “Hey, Colton? If you don’t mind me asking…. when do you think you started to fall for me?”
Gently scratching her head, I chewed on my bottom lip thoughtfully.
“After I found out you were a female,” I answered. “At first I thought it was me feeling… betrayed, but I became more aware of you. I missed you. I began to see you more as a woman, and before I knew it, you’d stolen my heart away.”
His answer brought an affectionate smile to my lips. “I’m very glad to hear it… and also, I’m sorry you felt betrayed. Was it that much of a shock, finding out I was female?”
“I didn’t hate the fact that my star junior was—is a female,” I closed my eyes, finding warmth in her hold. “I just… wished you would have trusted me enough. That was my problem. I thought you would come to me whenever you needed help.”
“I was afraid,” I confessed, once again spilling secrets at his feet. “You’re the Prince, and I had no idea what you thought of your father’s laws at the time. Telling you meant risking both Scylla’s life and mine… I’m sorry.”
“I know,” I whispered, kissing her on the forehead. “I understand it now. Now, I think you made the right decision. You put your bondmate’s life before everyone else. I’m proud of that. I do have a question, though…”
I shifted closer to him, letting my eyes drift shut. “Oh?” I ventured. My trademark curiosity emerged, the same as it had been back at home. “Ask away..”
I let a smirk escape my lips.
“So all those times you’d lose concentration…” I started, giving her a sly look. “Was it because I’d take off my shirt?”
