(keyboard slams)
(oml Romeo 'her name is Aurora'. Also, that was the name of Juliet's mom)
My words were met with dead silence. I detached myself from Marina, too exhausted and drained to fake the slightest smile. "Alright, please stop worrying about me. I'm sorry for ruining lunch and the mood." But even so, I didn't allow the tremor to enter my voice, did my best to show the least amount of weaknesses as possible…. though at the moment, there wasn't much I could do. "I'm going to go to the washroom. Please don't do anything stupid, like worrying, while I'm gone."
What I'd said, strong, soldier-like words, tumbled out of my mouth in a half-hearted mess, not nearly as ironcast as I'd intended it to sound. Before anyone could object, I stood and left the cafeteria.
Mercutio noticed the shift in my tone and immediately began to talk, distracting everyone from me as I picked at my food. After some teasing about finally getting over Rosaline, I was left alone. Lunch ended pretty quickly, although I didn’t see Juliet anywhere, which concerned me. Hopefully she would be okay… The rest of the day went by in a blur, and soon enough I was on a bus, since I couldn’t drive my motorcycle and my parents refused to drive me.
(skip to what we had planned for the night?)
I avoided my father for the rest of the day, avoided my phone, which was blowing up with texts from Marina, Joe, Tybalt, and the others, avoided that awful, heart-breaking file sitting on top of my desk. The hours were a blur of pain and silence, of fixing my eyes to the wickedly sharp steak knives in the kitchen but having neither the energy nor the courage to press one against my skin. In short, the period of time between 3:30 and sunset was hell.
At the end of it all, I flopped down on my bed wearing nothing but an oversized hoodie and some underwear,seeing as the night air was crisp and bitter, and pulled out my phone. I stared at the worried texts from Marina, and my heart broke a little because of what I was putting her through. I texted her a reassuring message and closed my eyes for a moment. Mari and I always told each other everything. So why wasn't I telling her about this colossal secret?
After texting similar messages to everyone else, I found myself selecting the chat I had with Romeo. Too drained, both physically and emotionally, to stop myself, I sent a simple 'Hey.'
At this trying moment in my life that will clearly be omitted from my autobiography, I was hiding under the covers on my bed. School had finished alright. I was tired and in pain, but tracing the roses on my arm became a soothing technique whenever I felt a sensory overload coming on. It was what I was doing at the moment. Trapped in my room, hidden under the covers like they could protect me from everything outside, unable to sleep from pain and in nothing but a pair of shorts and boxers. Pink shorts, a gift given to me by the hockey team last year when I lost a bet. The closest color to red I owned. A mockery of a Capulet color I used as a comfort at the moment.
It was while I traced the delicate web roses on my cast that my phone buzzed. Putting on my glasses, now by habit due to Mercutio’s constant scolding, I picked it up, expect said best friend to be texting me. But to my shock it was none other than Juliet. I reread the message almost ten times. ”Hey.” What does it mean? Was it a secret message? Was I supposed to respond with something in code?
After several moments of intense deliberation, I replied back.
ROMEO: Hi
I stared at his reply for a long, long time, the tide of emotions within me ebbing and flowing. Thumbs hovering over my screen, I shifted deeper beneath my covers, casting a fearful glance to the door. Why was I doing this? Out of all the stupid things I’d done, I was pretty sure that 99% of them had happened, and were about to happen, today. Finally, I decided on a simple enough answer.
JULIET: How are you?
I grew nervous at her lack of response, but sighed in relief when I finally received her next message. It was almost funny how she did this to me. Had me instantly hooked as soon as she texted. At her beck and call like some sort of addict. Looking back on my actions from the past couple of days, I had sort of become an addict when it came to Juliet’s attention. I craved the feeling of invincibility she gave me. The security. The warmth.
ROMEO: Promise not to make fun of me?
More than anything, I craved the sheer joy that shot through my veins when I knew I made her smile.
Once again, I stared at his message for much, much longer than necessary, my thumbs refusing to move until a few minutes later. I typed out a short text, them backspaced and deleted it all. Inhaling deeply, I tried again, hopelessly confused as to why this was so hard. Yet again, I deleted the whole thing. Roughly thirty seconds passed before I finally finished typing something out and hit the ‘send’ button.
JULIET: Promise.
I smiled softly at her reply. She was thinking carefully before each response. And then there was me, clumsily typing a clunky message as fast as possible, more eager to see her next messsge than focus on my own.
ROMEO: Hiding under the covers like a six year old. Everything hurts. And I have to use my dork goggles to text you. It’s humiliating.
This time, it only took me three minutes to hash out a fairly okay response and send it. I was weak all over, limbs aching even after the simple action of holding my phone up to text.
JULIET: Honestly, I think it’s safe to say that you deserve at least one night of hiding under the covers. And it’s fine, not like I can see the goggles anyways.
Juliet’s level of understanding shocked me, but immediately caused a comforting warm feeling to spread through my limbs. I knew what I had to type next, and I did so in a rush, misspelling a few words.
ROMEO: I dont reslly want to talk about this, but I wnted to say sorry for earlier. I didnt mean to pressure u. And then you kmow, cry. So I’m sorry. Really sorry.
The whole thing was typed and sent under a minute. Which is problem why my right hand butchered it so badly….
It took me ten full minutes to figure out what the hell I was supposed to say in response to that. The hopelessly confusing stew of thoughts and emotions only worsened, but something about his apology sent a very small, very subtle amount of warmth spreading through my chest.
JULIET: It’s fine. I’m going to be honest with you, I was panicking that whole time. But it’s fine now, you don’t need to apologize.
I waited, and waited, and waited. Just when I assumed she had either fallen asleep or quit talking to me, she responded again.
ROMEO: The roses are really pretty. I’ve been tracing them when I get stressed. Helps keep me calm.
I took five minutes this time, making sure I spelled everything correctly.
He took a full five, nerve-wracking minutes to respond. I stopped asking myself why I was doing any of this. I stopped telling myself how idiotic I was being. There was no point to it anymore, neither did I have the energy to keep yet another internal battle going.
JULIET: At least I did something right today.
I stared at her message feeling guilt pool in my stomach. I’m so sick of feeling scared and stressed and… and caged.
ROMEO: Cant stand feeling like shit anymore. Can we ask dumb questions and pretend we’re okay for a little while?
JULIET: As long as you go first.
I didn’t know what I was going anymore, neither did I care. I just sort of… went along with whatever Romeo was doing, whatever he was saying, hoping dazedly that come morning, I won’t have said anything exceedingly stupid.
I thought about it for a moment, trying to think of the dumbass questions Mercutio and I used to argue over when we were younger. Something dorky and stupid. Something she wouldn’t regret telling me.
ROMEO: If you could be any animal, which one would you want to be and why?
I rolled my eyes at my own question. It looked like it came off and icebreaker website.
JULIET: That was……. not what I was expecting.
But in all honesty, I had absolutely no idea. I bit my lip, allowing myself to become distracted by the strange question.
JULIET: Probably…. a tiger in the wild. Maybe no one would mess with me that way. You?
I smiled at her text. She reminded me a lot of a tiger already. Brave, fierce, and powerful. I didn’t voice this though.
ROMEO: This is going to sound lame, but a swan. Handsome, but people know to avoid them. Also the whole mate for life deal has stability I’d die for.
I pressed my nondominant hand to my mouth in order to stifle the quiet chuckle that I couldn’t contain——it was the first and only time I’d smiled all day. Maybe even in the past few days.
JULIET: You have a point.
ROMEO; Your turn to ask a dumb question.
I traced the roses on my cast, feeling my errant soul start to settle. Juliet make it easy to tune everything else out. The pain, stress, and fear fading from the forefront of my mind.
Normally, I would have made some comment like ‘I’ll try, but I don’t think I can be as dumb as you’, but tonight, my heart wasn’t in it.
JULIET: Would you rather age only from the neck up, or only from the neck down for the rest of your life?
I gasped at her question, a weak smile beginning to tug at my lips.
ROMEO: To take away my looks would be a sin, first of all.
I thought about it for another moment or two. A realization suddenly popped into my head.
ROMEO: Neck up. I’ll learn how to use makeup.
JULIET: More like a blessing. But yeah, good answer.
A tiny smirk found its way into my lips, my thumbs flying across the keyboard again.
JULIET: Maybe you could learn to do drag, too.
I actually had to stifle a laugh this time, shaking my head. I decided to play along with her, quickly typing up a reply.
ROMEO: I’ll get a massive wig. I think I’d make a hot blond. Maybe I’ll get some short shorts too. Shove a pillow under my shirt and everything.
JULIET: You’re scaring me
I almost considered sending a laughing emoji, but restrained myself. Emojis were for a while other level that we weren’t even close to achieving.
The things this girl could do to my heart were insane. My tired mind didn’t comprehend why my heart swelled at her words, which weren’t even complimentary in nature. But it did anyways, sending another wave of warmth through me.
ROMEO: My turn to ask a question now. Favorite food?
