Morrigan turned her head away, swallowing as she stared at the sights that flew by her window without really paying attention. It was a long time before she was calm enough to speak, to even breathe, and when she did, her voice shook. "I didn't– I didn't do all of them." No. Fuck. Her panic rose when she realized that she was just making it worse. "I mean–"
Lucian’s grip tightened on the steering wheel. “So you were abused?” He asked softly, biting the inside of his cheek sharply. He hated that he had to have thwt thought of someone hurting Morrigan confirmed.
Morrigan squeezed her eyes shut, fighting for breath. Images, memories, fears— they all flashed before her mind’s eye. By now, her whole body was trembling, jaw clamped tightly shut until she finally pried it open. “I- I don’t- I don’t want to talk about this.”
Lucian had noticed her trembling now, and got concerned. He shouldn’t have brought it up. “Okay, okay. We don’t have to talk about it anymore. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly and softly.
Morrigan nodded quickly, hair falling in front of her face. She pressed herself back against the seat and door, slipping her feet out of her shoes so that she could curl up into a little upright ball. You’re pathetic, she told herself harshly, still fighting for breath, and the thought was written across her face.
Lucian glanced over at her quickly before looking back at the road. This was his fault. He hated seeing her upset like this. He bit his inner cheek a bit harder.
The ride back to her house was excruciatingly slow, seeming to stretch on and on into a painful oblivion. When they finally arrived at her apartment building, Morrigan unbuckled her seatbelt with quivering hands, unable to look him in the eyes. “I’m so sorry- That this date has to end up like this.”
Lucian had parked outside the building and looked at her. “It’s okay, Morrigan. Please don’t apologize. I know this is hard for you. It’ll be rocky, and I can deal with that,” he said softly. “You’re getting a bit better- you let me hold your hand. You should see that as an achievement, like I do. I’m proud of you for that. Today was just emotional.”
Morrigan opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She swallowed again, pushing open the door of his car and finally turning to meet his eyes. “Thank you, Lucian.”
Then the conflicting emotions were too much, too tangled, and she had to turn away before the ability to breathe was stolen from her once more. “I’ll see you soon,” she told him softly over her shoulder, raising a hand before slipping away.
“You’re welcome,” Lucian responded, meeting her gaze for a brief moment. He tilted his head a bit. “See you later,” he added after. Once she was out of the car and walking towards her building. He would sit there for about 3 minutes or so, his head tilted against his hands. He had just messed up with Morrigan, he knew it. But after a minute of selt loathing, he began to drive home.
As soon as she was enclosed within the safety of her tiny apartment, Morrigan’s walls crumbled completely, leaving her shaking and with tears in her eyes. She’d messed up— and badly. Why on earth had she taken off her sweater? Why had she answered Lucian when he’d asked about her scars?
Now, he knew about her. She’d been exposed.
Morrigan didn’t realize that she’d grabbed a steak knife until pain was spreading along her forearm.
Lucian drove the short ways to his apartment complex. He parked the car and headed up to his apartment. Once inside, he let out a sharp breath. He leaned against the kitchen counter, his head hung.
(good afternoon!
skip or stay?)
(Hey, good afternoon to you too!
and we can skip. When do you think we should skip to?)
(how're you?
When would they next meet? Should we do another date, or just have them bump into each other?)
(I’m great, hbu?
and Lucian could have asked her out again)
(I'm good
Yeah sure, where to?)
(Good to hear
and uh he could have just asked her to coffee agin?)
(sure
do you want to start or should I? Say, a little under a week later?)
(Sure, and I can start. Should we say that Lucian was picking Morrigan up or no?)
(sure)
(Alright. I can start with that, then)
Lucian pulled up to Morrigan’s building. Because he didn’t know what her apartment number was, and to make her feel safer, he stayed in his car. He sent her a text, saying he was parked outside when she was ready.
(thanks)
Morrigan stared down at her phone, at the text, a soft exhale parting her lips. Relax, she told herself, though the word was thought harshly. It's a cold day. Your arms are covered, You're wearing makeup to hide the scars on your face. It's just Lucian. Apologize, and move on. She rolled the sleeve of her black shirt up, moving the shawl that also blanketed her torso out of the way. Her fingers grazed a series of fresh scabs, all lined up in neat rows from her wrist to her forearm. Relax.
Two minutes later, she was out the front door, carefully approaching Lucian's car.
Lucian looked out the window and noticed her. He unlocked the passenger side door to let her get in. This would be okay. He would just apologize for asking about her personal things so soon.
"Hey," she greeted, climbing in. A casual smile lingered over her features, wiping away any trace of the other week's panic. "Long time no see. How are you?"
Lucian looked at her smile. Was this one fake too? “Hey. I’m alright. How are you?” He asked. He had one hand on the steering wheel, but when she got seated in the car, he rested his other hand on the steering wheel as well.
Morrigan's smile softened slightly when he moved his other hand to the steering wheel as well. "I'm okay. Did you get up to anything interesting this week?" Her heart clenched– why wasn't he reprimanding her? Was this a trap?
“Mm, not really. I’ve been busy with studying and working. I’m considering this to be a good break,” Lucian hummed in response with a soft chuckle. “What about you?”
"Pretty much the same," Morrigan admitted, tugging on the tassels of her shawl.
Lucian smiled at that. “Well that’s alright. Do you have everything?” He asked her.