forum Gay O/O [CLOSED]

Started January 14, 2019 by @blue_topaz

tune

Kyle lay back onto the floor, making himself comfortable. He sighed through his nose, hoping and praying that Marius would fall asleep soon. He lay awake with his eyes open, listening.

Marius did his best to relax his body, but ever unfamiliar noise sounded like a threat, every creak like a warning. He was undeniably on edge in this strange new territory, but he pretended otherwise, changing his breathing so that Kyle would leave and go to sleep.
(skip?)

(Yeah)
Needless to say that neither of them got much sleep that night. Kyle was awake for most of it, worried that Marius would get up and do something while he was asleep, and he had a feeling the other male would have been awake too. But at about eight am, he stood and left the bedroom to make some breakfast for them both.

Marius had somehow fallen asleep late at night, and didn’t stir when Kyle did. He lay there, suspended in sleep and shifting images, snatches of dreams, nightmares, whispers.

Kyle walked into the kitchen tiredly, turning on his old radio to a channel playing soft Spanish music. He kept it on a low volume, afraid he’d waking the sleeping boy as he started to make pancakes. Hopefully, Marius eat them.

The quiet music somehow dragged Marius from his fitful sleep, leaving him groggy, disoriented, and confused. His first thought was that we had woken up in either Heaven or Hell after jumping— but then, the events of the past night came crashing back. His eyes flew open, instincts taking over and urging him out of bed and down the hallway.

The soft, yet somehow upbeat music drifted through the small home, along with Kyle’s terrible singing, the smell of freshly cook food accompanying it. Small beams of sunlight drifted through the bedroom window, illuminating the plain space as it did the rest of the house.

Marius stared at his surroundings, taking it all in as if this was his first time in someone else’s home. He didn’t notice Kyle until they were a few feet away from eachother, st which point he stumbled backwards.

Kyle jumped a little when he felt Marius, his heart lurching for a moment. He turned around a second later and smiled, “Buenos días, Marius. How are you feeling?”

The reply that can’t was practiced, automatic. “I’m fine. And you?” Jt was clear that he wanted it say more, but he held back for now.

Kyle’s smile dropped, “Marius, please tell me the truth. How are you really?” Please be honest. Please be honest.

“I feel…” he trailed off, glancing away. “Like a burden. Which is- Please don’t argue that. How are you?”

“Tired, because I was up all night worrying about you.” Kyle replied with a shrug before turning back to the breakfast.

Marius turned his head for a second, certain that he was going to throw up all over Kyle’s polished floors, simply because of the awful guilt twisting his gut. “I’m sorry. I should have just—“

“No, no don’t think like that,” Kyle said gently, turning back around, “Breathe Marius, breathe, You’re going to be okay, I’m here.”

That's the problem! he wanted to say, wanted to shout, but he didn't trust his voice not to break, nor that the words wouldn't hurt Kyle. It hadn't fully sunk in, the fact that he was still alive, the fact that he was at the home of one of his classmates, so he stood there for a moment, letting it. All of his walls had crumbled, turned to dust, leaving him exposed in front of the other man; what did he think of him now? Inhaling shakily, he moved to reply, but nothing came out.

"You don't have to talk, I just want you to breathe for now, okay? That's all I ask," Kyle sighed through his nose. He'd seen people break. Seen people crumble right before him but not like this. Marius was exposed in a way that he didn't like and Kyle was probably not helping in anyway, "Sorry, I'm probably not helping you as much as I want."

No, you're not helping at all. Marius immediately hated himself for thinking that. Kyle was trying to help, he was being incredibly kind, but his definition of 'help' was definitely very different from Marius's own. "Don't– Don't apologize. It's fine." I don't deserve an apology form you.. it's me who should be apologizing..

"No, it's not fine. Tell me how to help you," Kyle said gently, "Please. I've never… just… please." He wanted to do everything he could to make Marius feel better. To at least make sure he wasn't going to try and commit suicide again but it didn't help when he himself had no idea what he was doing.

Let me go. Let me jump. Of course, Marius didn't say that out loud, instead gave a helpless shrug of his shoulders. "I– I don't know how you can help me." I don't even know how to help myself.. besides ending everything. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, you don't need to apologise," Kyle gave him a gentle smile, "Then I'll figure out how to help. Even if it takes the rest of the school year, I will."

Marius stared down at the ground, truly miserable. "I don't want to burden you. You don't have– you don't have to do this."

"You're not a burden," Kyle placed his hand on Marius' shoulder slowly, gently and cautiously, "And I know I don't have to, but I want to. I want to help you. I want to be there for you."

Marius caved in, the weaker side of him succumbing to Kyle. "I'll try not to make things too hard for you," he promised quietly, briefly meeting Kyle's eyes before looking away once more.

"Hey, I don't care if its hard. As long as you be honest with me about things, okay?" Kyle raised an eyebrow and gently made Marius look at him, "Tienes unos ojos bonitos ya sabes…" He muttered.

No promises. "I will- I will be as honest as I feel safe enough to be," he replied truthfully, wishing he could look away. The prolonged eye contact– it was more than he could handle at the moment. "What- what does that mean? The second– the second thing you said?"

Kyle dropped all contact with Marius and took a small step back, embarrassed. His flushed a light shade of pink, "Oh… I uh- I just said you have beautiful eyes…" He muttered, rubbing at the back of his neck.

And that was it for Marius. It was all just too much, and the complex, nauseating knot of emotions in his gut was only getting worse. He couldn't handle any other conflicting feelings to top it off, no matter how touched and flustered he would have normally been. He needed to keep things simple, straight forward. How did he feel? The answer was currently so confusing that it hurt to think about. He needed one or two words at the most to limit the complications on his life. I feel… Miserable. That was a good word. Guilty. There we go. Nice and simple.

He only nodded in response to what Kyle had said, training his gaze on the floor.

Kyle felt his heart tighten a little for some unknown reason. He coughed and turned back to the food, "Did you want anything to eat? Feel free to go watch TV but you might need to make sure it's not on some Spanish channel or have subtitles or anything."

Marius was indifferent about both, but he nodded for Kyle’s sake. “Those— those sound nice— thank you.”