@Wry_Wyvern
ye
too many dollar
ye
too many dollar
"Give me back my motherf***ing sharpie or I will put a hole in your family."
-random drunk girl in history
"I HATE THIS ENDING! Is the grandma alive or dead?"
"She's Schrodinger's grandma, both alive and dead."
someone coughs during a test
Someone on the opposite side of the room: "B*tch me too."
"I'm Jared I'm sixteen and I never fucking learned how to read tenor clef"
-A trombone (conveniently named Jared)
"What are your thoughts on octopi toenails?" - A semi-drunk me
"don't you think jack's hot?"
"not really."
"oh cOME ON HES HOT"
"…yeah hes pretty good looking."
"uh that's my boyfriend you're talking about fuck off"
~ a conversation between two girls who sat in front of me
"Is he gay or European?"
"I HAVE MY LIST FOR THE AIRING OF GRIEVENCES FOR FESTIVUS NEXT YEAR AND IT! IS! LONG!"
"The ocean called, they're running out of shrimp."
"Yeah , well, the jerk store called; they're running out of you!"
"CAN YOU EVEN SAY FRICK IN SIGN LANGUAGE?"
"We're finger buddies!" - my two straight friends who don't understand how much of an innuendo that was
"Good lord, no." - me and my other friend who does understand how much of an innuendo that was
"I dont think ive ever wanted to punch that girl right there ya the one with puffy hair so much other than right now"
Me to a friend b/c she was flirty with my bf at the time.
"I'm not gonna be the bullfrog!"
"P*NIS!"
My middle school is strange….
LOL
"Am I dumb? I don't know."
"snap, popple, crack"
"What's that guys name? Y'know, Seaweed Hair?"(She was talking about Izuku Midoriya)
Me and my fren are roleplaying in a text
Her: and there are security cameras in there
Me: keeping things ace over here
"What's that guys name? Y'know, Seaweed Hair?"(She was talking about Izuku Midoriya)
YES
"What's that guys name? Y'know, Seaweed Hair?"(She was talking about Izuku Midoriya)
YES
It was a funny conversation
I’ve always been bad at sideways diving… then again, I’ve never tried
Me: If I die, I want you to reanimate my corpse.
Turzelle: No!
My mom: It's Mary and Jesus! See, Mary, and Jesus
My baby sister: Mary, and Cheez-its
Mom: …
me lmao
My baby sister: "Mary had a little bacon, little bacon, little bacon… Mary had a little bacon-"
Me: I think you're getting the words wrong, it's "Mary had a little lamb"
Baby sister: …
Me: …
Baby sister: …
Me: …
Baby sister: "Mary had a little ham-"
I think she's hungry
(I say she's a baby but she's almost 4… what the heck)
Group Leader: When I was little, people would always ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I'd say 'a pirate' and then they'd say 'that's illegal' so I'm going to live out my childhood fantasies through you.
(We were playing Ships and Sailors)
with as much venom and feeling that could possibly be packed into any swear word: "HECK."
"if I were a mat, I'd be the broken springboard"
"I'm Pescatarian."
"What sexuality is that?"
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