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I’m just scared that my friends don’t really want me around and I’m too much of a shitty person for anyone to want to be around me. I don’t know why. I just started thinking that and now it won’t stop.

@Shuri-the-Floof-Doggo

Hey. You're an amazing person. Probably better than me, honestly.

Deleted user

I am slowly dying, merry christams.

@thehobbit

I’m just scared that my friends don’t really want me around and I’m too much of a shitty person for anyone to want to be around me. I don’t know why. I just started thinking that and now it won’t stop.

hey, im sorry you think that but I want you to know it's not true. I actually learned about something today that might be helpful for you right now. In my Brain and Behavior class, we talked about this concept called neuroplasticity. it's this thing where, the more you think a certain way and act a certain way the more strongly the synapses in your brain fire when that pattern of thinking or behavior comes up, but it also work so that the more you focus on something else or think about something a different way or physically do something a different way, it becomes easier and more like second nature.
that would explain why your brain isnt letting you stop thinking those thoughts, but it also means you need to actively fight against it.
what I would recommend is that you do your best to focus on things that are good and true and lovely and excellent or praiseworthy, or that makes you excited, and tell yourself the truth. you are loved by your friends. your friends want you around. your brain is telling you lies. your friends enjoy spending time with you.

@Shuri-the-Floof-Doggo

That's right.

@Euric_Knight

Hey y'all
https://www.notebook.ai/forum/general-chat/i-need-a-break

@Overdoneyanoveltropeyesplease

I’m just scared that my friends don’t really want me around and I’m too much of a shitty person for anyone to want to be around me. I don’t know why. I just started thinking that and now it won’t stop.

hey, im sorry you think that but I want you to know it's not true. I actually learned about something today that might be helpful for you right now. In my Brain and Behavior class, we talked about this concept called neuroplasticity. it's this thing where, the more you think a certain way and act a certain way the more strongly the synapses in your brain fire when that pattern of thinking or behavior comes up, but it also work so that the more you focus on something else or think about something a different way or physically do something a different way, it becomes easier and more like second nature.
that would explain why your brain isnt letting you stop thinking those thoughts, but it also means you need to actively fight against it.
what I would recommend is that you do your best to focus on things that are good and true and lovely and excellent or praiseworthy, or that makes you excited, and tell yourself the truth. you are loved by your friends. your friends want you around. your brain is telling you lies. your friends enjoy spending time with you.

I guess that makes sense. If I’m understanding correctly, it stands to reason that I’m prone to thinking that I’m losing friends and such because I’ve spent so much time with that mentality and around those circumstances that when I see it now, I’m taken back to when it similar and I start to think that this time will be like last time. And last time was a very dark place for me, so naturally I do NOT want to be thrust back into that mindset, so when I do, I start to panic a little and the more I hold onto it, the more it solidifies.
Idk if that’s right but it makes sense I guess. Idk. I’m just doing my best.

@Shuri-the-Floof-Doggo

Yup. That's more or less it.
Overdone. I love you!

@Overdoneyanoveltropeyesplease

Thanks shuri

@Overdoneyanoveltropeyesplease

I have a confession to make. I’m not proud of it.
Trigger warning…seriously don’t read it if you are in a precarious mental state. I don’t wanna trigger anyone.

Spoiler - click to show.

So last night, I cut myself again. This is the first time in a year. And that time was the first time in a year. It’s like I cut once a year. I haven’t told anybody because I’m afraid that they’ll get scared and thrust me into some kind of counciling or something and then look at me all weird and stuff. I don’t know. I don’t wanna freak people out. Also, I don’t wanna say anything because I don’t know how, so it’s just gonna come out way too casual and sonando like I’m lying or exaggerating. And what’s the point of telling my friends if they can’t really help? I have one friend that I know would take me seriously, but she has so much of her own shit going on, I don’t want to add to that. I don’t want her to worry. And if I tell an adult, they might get mad at me. The one time my mom found out I was cutting, she got mad at me. I don’t want that. So I keep quiet. I just kinda suffer silently. It’s my MO. It’s what I do. I just keep it in, pretend i’m fine. Sometimes I’ll throw in a casual half-joke about something, but it doesn’t go anywhere. No one is concerned. No one asks deeper. I was bullied for years. And i’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to talk about it anymore because I feel like people are getting sick of hearing about it. I’m afraid they think I’m making it up. Or that I’m only inserting it to get attention. And I guess in a way I am. I want them to see what’s really going on. I want them to know why I do the things I do in the way that I do them. Everything i do is motivated by my past and by my fears. I keep quiet to keep friends. I support them because I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t be alone. I’ve been alone. And when I was alone, i was hurting so much emotionally, I felt it physically in my heart. And when I was numb, I started to cut to feel something again. And to take my mind of all the shit. Now it’s a back-pocket coping mechanism. I break it out when I feel that I can’t cope on my own. I don’t know what else to do. It was only two years ago that I wanted to die. It’s only been two years that I have been relatively ‘safe’ (socially). I’m learning now what everyone else gets to learn in elementary school. While they were having birthday parties, I was thinking about why no one liked me. Why I had no one to turn to. They got to have multiple friends and learn that changing friends is natural, not devastating. I din’t get that. I had that same friends forever. We were friends because otherwise we had no one. Later on, I was manipulated and toyed with by a person I thought I loved. But she was just trying to have some control, and she used me to do it. Everytime I have a friend that I care about, and think about, and love…they always punish me for it. They make me the villain, tell me I’m hurting them, tell me I’m not who they want me to be. I’m afraid they’re right. I’m afraid that I’m crazy and don’t know it. I’m afraid that I will be abandoned. I’m afraid that there is nothing in my future waiting for me. That I’m too fucked up to succeed. That I’m too fucked up to be loved. That I’m too fucked up to ever be wanted.
I don’t expect any of you to have answers. If you’ve read this much…I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want you to feel like you have to worry about me, or that you have to say something, or have a solution. It’s okay. This is super long and not even everything that’s ever happened….

@Shuri-the-Floof-Doggo

Sweetie… I'm so sorry… But cutting won't help you…
Cutting only adds to the pain in the long run.
And once your loved ones find out, well… They'll be in pain too.
It's like stabbing yourself in the hand so you don't think about a stubbed toe.
Would you like tips to reduce self-harm.

Deleted user

https://www.notebook.ai/forum/general-chat/a-p-s-a-to-everyone

I'm going to put this link into as many chats as I can, please read it and take it to heart. This is directed at some of you more then others.

@Norepinephrinxx

I sorry that you have to go through that overdone, I may not have answers but I hope ranting helped you in some degree. If you want to get more off your chest in a not public forum we can pm if you'd like? Again I don't have much advice to give and I'm sorry for that.

@Moxie

You’re not too fucked up to have a future, or to be loved. This is just a really tough time you’re going through and it’s hard to see now, but you will get through it. You will come out of this and eventually you’ll be okay. But me saying that doesn’t help right now. I just wanted to let you know that I don’t think you’re making this up and that you’re not alone. We’re all here for you. I’m sorry you felt like you had to resort to that and that no one was there for you but I know there’s a lot of us who are (including me if you ever wanna talk or anything)

@thehobbit

Okay, who wants to hear a story that ive been wanting to to tell you guys all week??? Everyone? Great!

So. the other day we presented these boards in class, basically powerpoint slides with pictures on tem that represent our lives and the people in the audience get to ask us questions, you say nothing but answer questions. I get called up and of course my board is covered in pictures from my pinterest account and one of the pictures is a t-shirt that says "the book was better"
so THIS GUY he raises his hand to ask me a question and he goes, "has there ever been a time where you saw a movie that was better than the book?"
like no
never
book is life
thebookisalwaysbetterfightme
so I said, "The movie is better if I havent read the book yet"
~~actually the princess bride book sucks but I didnt remember that at the time~~

also I got this spinner ring and it's literally the best thing ive ever bought in my entire life!! it has little squids on it that look like they are swimming when you spin them!!! and its so great I havent stopped playing with it except for typing lol but like it's literally the best thing my ADHD brain has ever had to fidget with!

@Moxie

Oh that’s cool! I’ve seen them before and my friend has one but I never thought about getting one

@thehobbit

I like that the ring is so easy to bring around everywhere. it's a lot easier to deal with than fidget cubes or spinners (both of which I own) because it's so easy to take with me if I dont have a purse or pockets big enough to hold the cubes or spinners. I may be biased because I have literally wanted one since I found out they existed, but yeah, im happy I finally got one

@thehobbit

@thehobbit

Does anyone have any fun facts they've learned or stories they've wanted to tell in the past week that they didn't feel they should share because of the drama going on?????? Because I want to hear about the stories and the fun facts and the silly little moments you guys had going back to school and seeing your crushes again. I wanna know how happy, or unhappy you are with your classes and your schedules, I wanna hear about that one teacher that you're glad you finally got away from, I wanna know silly stories from over break and if you have the same lunch periods as your friends and if you guys did anything fun to celebrate the first day back at school!

I'LL START!!! I started off the new year watching Lord of the Rings. I don't have any crushes but a guy in the little store sang Hamilton to me so that was cool. I made friends in my new classes. I found out that my mom started her own website a month ago and didnt tell me and I was sad because I wanted to celebrate with her and I was already at school. I saw a person with the same lanyard as me while walking to class and I became friends with them.

your turn! Share some happiness!!!

Deleted user

I got into Creepypastas!
Drew a bunch more!
And got better at line art!

Deleted user

I got into Creepypastas!
Drew a bunch more!
And got better at line art!

@thehobbit

Thats cool!!

@Moxie

The Starbucks that I go to every Friday is closing. Idk why cause they get so much buissnes cause they’re down the street from a highschool but yeah. But when I was there yesterday they were playing Hamilton so that was fun

@Becfromthedead

I came back from break. Not a lot has happened to me personally. I've just started going to classes again, and they all seem alright. I have some really cool professors.
In other news, I have a friend (a trans man) who finally decided on his new name, and I'm really happy for him. Also we started talking a lot about our stories, and we might start hanging out some to just write because that would be cool and we need motivation. We were friends before, but as we keep talking, I realize we have a lot in common, and it's just such a relief to actually be able to make new friends in college.

@Max_Miracle_DroppedMostOfTheirRPs

Wellllllll I was rocking a flannel over a Voltron shirt on my first day back which I proudly showed off to my friends (who are all equally obsessed with it as I am). And just now at the movie theater, there were a few girls in the bathroom T-posing and my friend and I joined in. We also talked with them for a bit so that was pretty cool. Crushes…that’s complicated. My “official” crush, the girl I’m sure I like, hasn’t talked to me in a week (she lives 2 hours away, we’re really close and text each other every day) and I’m pretty sure it’s my fault. I said something REALLY stupid that I’d prefer not to share, and I think she’s mad at me, or something happened to her. Still kind of low key stressed over that because she has a homophobic family so in the chance that she’s not mad at me, her family could’ve seen it and she could be in trouble. So that’s that. No texts, no emails, for a whole week.

@Mercury Beta Tester

thebookisalwaysbetterfightme

Nah there are like millions of book -> film adaptations, there are bound to be some better films.

A lot of people say The Godfather film is much better than the book, and others say that the film endings of The Shawshank Redemption and The Mist are better and more emotional.

As a personal example, one of my favourite films The Poseidon Adventure (1972 version, the remakes are bad) is way more good than the original sexist book.

@_sleeby_rat_