The birds scattered. Ender was still unconscious, and his blood was starting to dry, getting caked in his hair. His fingers twitched.
why wake up?
this’ll just keep happening. over and over. it never stops. it never ends. always the same. give it up, ender.
don’t you want this to end?
Kapnos stared at Ender's unconscious body and grimaced.
"I really don't want to touch him."
Just pick him up, Pogo sighed. Carry him into the bunker, get him out of the rain. If you give my body back, I can take care of the rest.
Kapnos grit their teeth, but obliged, scooping Ender into their arms and making their way to the bunker.
"What's all this goop on him?"
Your guess is as good as mine. I'm still trying to piece together what happened in the first place.
"You really wanna spend time with a guy that can flip like a switch?"
I've got you stuck in my head. I call that practice.
"I wouldn't test your luck with me in control."
Kapnos pushed the door open with their shoulder, ducking under the door frame and scanning the room for a good place to set Ender's body. They decided on the couch, and retrieved Pogo's satchel shortly after.
"Okay, Alessandro, take it from here."
Pogo's eyes closed again, his body becoming more easily perceivable.
See? I told you that you could trust me.
"It's always a gamble with you," Pogo muttered. "Alright, does he have a first aid kid somewhere?"
There was a first aid kit on one of his shelves. He was starting to feel himself wake up, but he didn’t really want to.
give up. this doesn’t matter anymore. he doesn’t want you. freak.
After a moment of searching, Pogo found the first aid kit. He returned to Ender's side, opening the kit and pulling out some alcohol wipes. Before he could do anything, he had to clean the wounds.
Or, at the very least, they looked like wounds. There was certainly something wrong, but he couldn't pinpoint what was blood and what was his true form's… stuff.
Yeesh.
"Yeesh, indeed," mumbled Pogo. "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing."
I can tell.
Ender groaned quietly. The pain had started to settle into a mind-numbing ache. He didn't want to wake up, so he tried to force himself back to sleep. He couldn't. He recognized the scent of the bunker, not questioning how he got there in the first place. He flung himself off of the couch and landed with a soft crunch.
"ughhh…"
He still couldn't see, but could tell that he landed on someone's foot.
"……sorry….."
he only came back to get his stuff. don't get attached again.
"……why did you come back?…." he mumbled. "…..a monster isn't worth your time…….find the tallest tree in the woods, it's not hard to spot….Mothman'll fly you out of here……"
his original eyes had started bleeding again on the impact with the ground.
Pogo recoiled, watching the crumpled figure before him.
"What's going on?" he whispered. "I-I just… came back, saw you out in the rain. I ran because… I don't even know if you heard me the first time. I don't know what's going on, I…"
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You just… lost it. Out of the blue. So I ran, because last time you did… that… they came back. I didn't want them doing that again."
Way to put the blame on me, right after I helped you get back here.
Yeah, and what'd he do if I told him the truth? Work with me here! Pogo fired back.
He let out a trembling breath, pointing at the couch.
"So are you going to let me help you? Can you tell me what happened? I can't work with what you're giving me."
"……sorry…..sorry……"
He tried to push himself upright, and managed to get into a sitting position. "…….just kinda……panicked……can't see now….." He laughed a little. "…..everything looks the same in this goddamned forest anyway……"
don't let him in.
"i'll be fine." he stood up with a groan, feeling around for the couch to sit back down.
"that goop is my blood. and tears. weird stuff. good news is, i heal faster than pretty much any human. bad news is, i'll see again. i'm tired of seeing shit."
"Did I—… did I do something?" Pogo asked quietly. "Did you not like the compass?"
He paused for a moment, staring at the ink-black stains on the cloth and his hands. Even after Ender's explaination, he didn't know what the substance was.
"Everything seemed fine, then… that happened. You—" he caught himself, "—it was… unexpected."
"…no, i liked it….just…..my head gets the better of me sometimes, y'know?…..i've found out that it's easier to just….not think."
he's scared of you.
"i've got some clean clothes on that shelf over there. they might be a little big, but at least they aren't bloodstained. then i can call Dad to take you back to…. wherever."
Ender didn't look up at him. he was used to this happening, and figured he'd leave without a second thought.
Pogo pursed his lips.
"I wasn't angry with you," he murmured. "I don't know if you heard me earlier. I just…"
He fell silent.
Come on. Tell him.
"…Long story short, made a deal a real long time ago and, basically, there's two people in this body. You're talking to me, the person this body belongs to, but when it's me, they're in the back of my head. I can't say their name or it counts as permission to let them take over. But they're an asshole, and they make my life hell whenever they can, and I have to put up with it."
Pogo sighed, standing up and retrieving the clean clothes from the place Ender directed him to.
"So that's why I've probably seemed… I don't know. Maybe I made weird faces, or— well, I did just eat a whole thing of salt in front of you. Salt makes them shut up. Salt keeps them from getting worse than annoying. It was nothing to do with you."
what if he's lying to you? he hates you, doesn't he? he's afraid, just like they all are.
"good to know."
Ender hung his head low, not looking up at him as he changed, regardless of the fact that he couldn't see. he took Pogo's compass out of his pocket and held onto it tightly.
just let go. he can't push you away if you push him away first.
"you should leave."
His voice shook, as did his hands. it hurt him so much to say it, but his fear controlled him. he started to cry, but wiped his tears off on his sleeve. he really, really didn't want Pogo to leave… but he would leave anyway, right? he was only getting it over with…
"it's not safe for you here. i'm not safe for you. you know that."
he'll run from you again. he'll run out of here and never look back.
Pogo furrowed his brow.
"What, you think one little episode is gonna scare me off? Who do you take me for?"
The thought of it almost made him laugh, but it seemed to dawn on him just the extent of Ender's worry, and he didn't want to be insensitive.
"Yeah. I'll be frank with you. That did scare me. But so does crossing the street, with all those cars in the road. It's scary and every day there's a chance one of those cars could hit and kill me. But I cross that road anyway, 'cause I've gotta get to work on time."
He, tentatively at first, then with a hint more confidence, rested a hand on Ender's shoulder.
"I don't know what you are. And… like I said, that's okay. I've just gotta get used to it. You haven't hurt me, so I'm not afraid of you. I just got spooked 'cause I didn't know what was going on."
His gaze dropped to the ground.
"I… would prefer, though, if you, uh… flipped out less often. Or, at the very least, told me what was on your mind. I'm open to talking about what bothers you, y'know."
Ender melted into his touch a little. he wasn't used to it, but it was nice.
"…..thank you….."
he's lying he's lying he's lying
"……i just…..i'm scared….of everything…..all the time….and it just…..it just boils over….. and i can't stop being afraid….."
his voice was quiet.
"…….people always leave…..they're always afraid of me……and i'm afraid of that……"
Pogo withdrew his hand, then moved to sit on the couch. He patted the seat next to him, inviting Ender to join him.
"Well, I won't be going anywhere for a while. Promise."
Oh, jeez, you're not gonna get all sappy with him, are you? Kapnos grumbled. Be the guy's therapist, why don't you?
He probably just needs someone to talk to, retorted Pogo. He lives in a bunker out in the middle of nowhere, cut him some slack.
Kapnos's mumbling turned into humored cackling. Doesn't sound any different from your city apartment, now I think about it.
Why's the good stuff ours and the shitty stuff just mine, huh?
But he didn't get an answer; Kapnos was too lost in amusing themselves. He turned his attention back to Ender.
"Why's stuff scary to you?"
"…..dunno…..it just keeps pressing down on me harder and harder……and then i break….."
DON'T LET HIM IN DON'T LET HIM IN DON'T LET HIM IN DON'T LET HIM IN
Ender went silent.
"i dunno what's wrong with me."
Pogo nodded solemnly.
"I get that. You can only bottle things up so much before it all forces itself out."
He sat upright, pulling up his legs to sit in a comfortable cross-legged position.
"Sometimes, when I get anxious like that, it helps to take deep breaths and start naming random things around me that I see."
He leaned forward, propping an elbow on a leg and resting his chin in the palm of his hand.
"A lot of the things I think about when I'm worried turn out to be, well… super exaggerated. Some of it not even true. And it helps to remember that."
Ender tried to keep his thoughts out, to no avail.
HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU
"……my head….won't…..shut up…."
make him leave before he leaves you. no one could ever see any good in you, not even your parents. you know how you got here. they left, just like everyone else will in the end.
He started crying again. his tears were clear. he tried to wipe them away, but more kept coming.
"……..it….it never stops…..they k-keep leaving……"
his voice sounded broken, almost staticky.
Pogo's gaze drifted away.
Oh, don't do it, drawled Kapnos. Please. I'd beg you to take that salt bath if you're doing what you think you are.
It wasn't often he did this; he wasn't much one for physical contact. But once in a while never hurt anyone.
He opened his arms and pulled Ender close in a gentle embrace.
Ender froze. he had never been hugged before. he didn't know how to reciprocate it, but he relaxed in his arms. this was nice. his mind went quiet.
maybe he does think i'm okay.
"Maybe things aren't okay right now," murmured Pogo, tightening his embrace, "but if I've learned anything, it's that the bad things don't last forever. Sometimes you've just gotta wait it out."
Ender broke down in tears, burying himself in his shoulder despite him being taller.
"………t-thank you……."
why does this feel so…nice?
He had never felt the warmth of a human before. Mothman was soft, but was always cold. this was different. warm, and soft, and… good.
Oh, Gods, he's getting his eyeball juice all over us, Kapnos complained. Why are you just sitting there? It's getting all over the shirt. Don't you like that shirt?
Since when did you care about my shirt? snickered Pogo.
Since two seconds ago, when there was no eyeball juice on it.
After a few minutes, Pogo pulled away, taking a gander at his wounded friend.
"Are you gonna let me take care of those, now? I still haven't bandaged them."
He nodded, calming down a little. He sat still.
Pogo pulled the first aid kit onto his lap and took hold of one of Ender's arms, carefully wrapping the bandage around any wound he thought was at risk for reopening.
"Had to take some medical classes," he mused, partly to himself, partly to Ender. Sometimes he just talked for the sake of saying words. "Dunno if you know, but my day job's being a performer. All of us know basic first aid and CPR, just in case someone gets hurt."
He chuckled to himself. "Had CPR done on me, once. I was unconscious the whole time, but it really is weird to think just a couple chest compressions could make the difference between life and death."
"….yeah…..humans are weird….."
Ender snickered. "i saw that like i wasn't one once…."
He kept ahold of the compass.