"My pleasure, my dear king." There has to be something he can bring up to talk about. There has to be some sort of purpose for all of this. Why? Because he cannot let neither his heart nor his mind do any of the decision-making. It will all become disaster.
In the corner of his eye, he noticed a hand-held mirror. Its silver frame shined against the candlelight, making him notice his appearance. Sabbas offered the king a smile. God, he wish he was drunk right now. It might make everything easier to deal with.
"I must admit, Your Majesty, that this invitation was not what I wanted to ask you," He admitted. "I wanted to ask about what happened back in the chapel….I wanted to ask if my apperance frightens you, but I feared of making everything worse."
He frowned faintly, brows gathering together. "Your…" he trailed off, frowning as he considered the question for a long moment. "No, ambassador. Your appearance does not…frighten me." how could the ambassador have ever gleaned that idea? Had Edward's anxiety really been so obvious? Worse, had he offended Sabbas? "I am deeply sorry that my actions or words led to that conclusion, albeit an incorrect one. I am not frightened of you, ambassador Valiente."
Sabbas took a deep breath. Setting the glass down, he ran his hand through his hair. After fluffing it, he looked at King Edward. Perhaps he has worded the question in an awful manner. His heart is both heavy and light at the same time. He worries about ruining everything.
"No no, it is alright," He tried to assure the king. "It is just the way you look at me…." Sabbas turned to pick his drink up, but his finger traced around the edge. "And the way you acted once I stepped into the chapel too….You seemed rather uncomfortable, Your Majesty, but I was not sure how to solve this issue I have brought between us…."
Edward watched Sabbas, gaze flicking to watch as Sabbas's finger traced along the edge of the glass, then back to Sabbas's face. "It is nothing that you have caused, ambassador." he replied, concerned now that his own sin, his own behavior, had potentially destroyed Anglo-Spanish relations. "Please, do not be concerned about this. It is only my own thoughts and behaviors that are…that are getting in the way. You have brought no issue, and caused no distress."
"This is no threat to our relations, that I can absolutely assure you, my dear king." Sabbas stopped tracing around the edge of the glass. Finally the sound of his heart began to deafen. He gazed over at King Edward. "I am worried about the relations between you and I. And I cannot help but ponder if your thoughts are the same ones that I have."
He did not care if His Majesty was standing in front of him. Sabbas downed the rest of the wine in his glass. Clearing his throat, he patted his hand over his heart. After exhaling, he continued, "Forgive me, my dear king. I am not one to be dancing around such things whether they be personal or political. I care about you, and I care about what happens between us. Personal…or political…."
Edward's brow furrowed faintly as Sabbas spoke. "I…I'm afraid that I do not understand, ambassador." he said slowly, taking another sip of his wine. His thoughts and Sabbas's could not be the same. Spain would not have sent an ambassador who had thoughts like Edward's. Someone so impure and sinful could not be the representative of a nation. Should not even be the king of one, and yet, here he sat. King.
The boundaries of luck are not something Sabbas wishes to be bold with. Only a king can do such a thing. He is not a king nor should he be an ambassador or a noble at all; he shouldn't even have this luck that has taken him so far without even a brush of death yet. And here comes his foolishness to test his boundaries once again.
"You do…you do know." Sabbas stopped himself for a moment. He glanced around all of his chambers that he can see already then waited. There was silence. No one else was around except for them. "What is it that you think whenever you look at me? Thoughts that must be of sin, yet you just cannot let go of them, yes?"
Sabbas briskly went over to King Edward then got onto his knees. "Do not let go of them unless it is through me….please. I can give you power and prosperity, but I can also turn those thoughts, those desires into reality with no harm to your name and power."
Edward's eyes widened, and he stared down at Sabbas as the other man spoke. "I…" he trailed off, stammering for a moment. "I don't understand." he repeated, fumbling with his words and staring at Sabbas with wide eyes. He felt frozen in place. There was no way that Sabbas was talking about what Edward thought he was. It was…it was impossible.
What is he to say now? What does His Majesty mean? King Edward has to understand; he has to. Why wouldn't Sabbas have this gut feeling if the king didn't understand? "You want to have long-lasting relations with Spain, but the relations between us have been overcast by our hesitancy from longing gazes and blushing," He explained as he slowly got up. His hands gently cupped the king's face. "Please, Your Majesty, understand. What is that you think whenever you see me?"
Edward froze when Sabbas's hands cupped his face, breath catching and eyes going wide. He sat impossibly still, struggling to comprehend this. "You…" he didn't know what he could say, in the face of this. As he looked up at Sabbas, at the man cupping his face so gently and saying things he could not possibly mean. He reached up to cover his eyes with a hand, shaking his head minutely. "I am dreaming." he said, mostly to himself.
Sabbas only managed to move his thumbs. They slowly brushed King Edward's face. Everything else was completely frozen. His eyes were hypnotized by those blue crystals of the king. Carefully removing the king's hand from his face, he kissed the back of it. "If this were a dream, then I would be absolutely mad that none of this were reality." He would. To be this close, just the two of them, and none of it to be real; that would shatter his heart. "Even if this were a dream, I'd still be mesmerized by you."
He shook his head faintly. "I am dreaming." he repeated. "This cannot be real." he shifted in his seat, gaze flickering and unable to stay rooted anywhere for long, not even on Sabbas's face. He suddenly got up from his seat, brushing past Sabbas and going over to the window, looking out. "This is a dream, born of my own sinful thoughts."
His hands fell to his sides; they swung a little before settling. Sabbas rubbed his forehead. "Sinful thoughts….Sinful…" The edges of his lips brought down into a frown. His vision became blurry. "As a man born of sin, I can assure you that such thoughts are the least that can stray one from God." He turned away from the king. "If this is a dream, imagine the severity of them in real life…."
He took a deep breath, leaning his forehead against the glass for a moment, shaking his head a little bit. "No. You cannot…this cannot be real." he turned back to Sabbas after a moment, frowning very slightly as he watched the Spaniard. "This cannot really be happening."
What else is there for him to say? What else can he do? The king must be right for this cannot be real. Not in any way shape or form. Sabbas swiftly turned around, briskly going over to the curtains. In a rather forceful manner, he drawn them shut. "You are a king….chosen by God who has a Spaniard reciprocating his deepest most secretive feelings and who will do anything to protect you from the whole world knowing." He relaxed his fists before letting go of the curtains. His eyes still watery. "This is really happening, mi cielo. This is happening."
Edward watched him, wide-eyed and uncertain. No one in England spoke like this. Not to secretive lovers, no one was so bold. What few affairs that he had had in the past had been whispered things, soft and hidden and secretive, done through soft, shy glances and little movements. This was none of those things, and he could only stand, frozen, watching Sabbas with his heart in his throat.
Those eyes…The blue waters of its irises look deep enough to swim in. He'd never be able to escape them nor its beauty. A matter of fact, he may not be able to understand the holding King Edward has on him, yet at the same time he does. "I will destroy this world and build up a new one for you if something were to ever happen." Sabbas observed the king. He means every single word. Bold or not. Even he himself felt stuck in place. "I mean everything I have said, including earlier outside."
He could only stare at Sabbas, before he reached down to pick up his wine glass, draining it and setting it down again. "You cannot mean it." he said faintly. "I…it would be sinful." what did it mean, that all his effort to keep himself buried, to keep this sin far below the surface, had been seen through by Sabbas so very quickly?
Sabbas shook his head. He would argue that he is not one to waste such words just for there to be no meaning. It is quite the waste of time for both of them that he cannot bear to do. "It would be more sinful if I have said all those things to you with ill intentions or insincerity." With rather unsteady legs, he went to refill the king's glass. His gaze flickered up to King Edward. "I mean every single word. I do not waste my tongue."
His breath left him in a quick rush, and he stared at Sabbas, biting his lip faintly. "Sabbas, I…" how was he supposed to move forward from here? What was he suppsoed to do, supposed to say? This was territory he was completely unfamiliar with now, territory that he had not traversed before, at least in this way.
Sabbas? The name rung in his ears, resonating and reverberated in his chest. Setting the wine bottle down, his hand swung a little then suddenly became still at his side. "Edward…" He breathed. The king's name ever-so carefully slid off his tongue. What is he to say now? Even in his past affairs, he has never experienced such feelings in this manner. "I would like to pursue you, Edward…if you'll let me that is." He strolled over to the king. A faint smile rested on his face.
Edward couldn't take his eyes away from the Spaniard, couldn't move from where he stood. "I…" he took a deep breath, steadied himself. "I think I would…I would like that." he said, voice quiet and a touch overwhelmed by this. It was…it was a lot to think about, a lot to deal with.
"Oh Edward…" Sabbas must have said a thousand words to him. Just imagine if he were speaking Spanish instead. The look in the king's eyes worried him. Now he is the one to wonder if this is all a dream or not. This all too good to be true. He worried that he rushed His Majesty. Like before, his hand cupped Edward's cheek. "Are you alright? Is there anything I can do for you?"
Edward continued to stare at Sabbas, and he closed his eyes for just a moment. "Sabbas, I…" he trailed off, shaking his head faintly. "There is nothing. I am only…confused, I supposed. About all of this." he still didn't understand why Sabbas had done this, how the ambassador had known that Edward's thoughts bent thus.
"Oh…." Perhaps he let his passions out ahead of him before he could think. He rarely ever finds himself biting his tongue, yet this time, he did. His heart settled, but his face continued to feel fuzzy. "What is it that confuses you, Edward?" Sabbas asked. "Let me cast some of this confusion away…I know I have said so much, my apologies."
