( ;-) )
Sunny shuffled his way up the carpeted hall, opening up the door to his dorm. His roommate wasn't here, thank god.
Sunny had never tried to hurt himself before. He'd never felt the need to, really, but a few days ago, all of a sudden he was hit with a wave of nothing.
Absolute numbness.
He'd finally felt for the first time in the shed, only to be plunged back into the cold abyss of shock.
It was a spare of the moment thing. He dug up the time capsule he and Rylee had buried years ago to smash open the framed picture. He had calmly rubbed the shards into his skin.
It didn't do much, but he felt it.
He ran his arm under the bathroom skin, cleaning the scratches with hand soap. He pulled out little shard from his skin and didn't flinch at all.
It made him sick.
He had done all this to himself without a single worry or doubt. He just did it.
He pulled his sleeves back a lied on his bed. He wanted to sleep, but pictures of Rylee were burnt into his eyelids. All he wanted was to be happy, and Sunny was supposed to be by his side during all of it.
This is all his fault.
(ehehe)
Kaiya tore her blazer off, tossing it on the floor.
She turned the tap on, holding her wrists under the water.
She scrubbed at them, the foundation coming off to reveal her healed scars.
She splashed water into her face, then stared at herself in the mirror.
He couldn't take it, he felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.
He was so numb that in an obscure way, he was in pain.
Pressure built up in his chest and it needs out.
Sunny's a logical person, he usually can control his emotions and do what he believes is morally right.
But, he's broken.
In the past, it was a big roadblock in his relationship with Rylee. He didn't believe that self-harm was a viable option. The thought was ridiculous, how could someone purposely go out of their way to permanently disfigure their body?
But, for the first time, he understands
He stumbled into the main room and searched for something, anything, to release the blockage in his chest.
I need to find Sunny. He's hurting as much as me. He needs someone as well.
Kaiya pulled on her blazer again, the sleeve long enough for her to cover her now bare scars.
She grabbed a towel and dried her face and wrists, redoing her hair.
He scrambled through draws, finding it harder and harder to breathe by the second.
He fished out a metal skewer right at the bottom of the last draw.
Perfect
In separation he tore his shirt off, stretching it slightly in the process.
He brought it to a point between his below his left collarbone.
Without a count down or anything, he plunged it in.
No
It's not enough
It hurt like hell, sure, and he finally felt something, but it wasn't enough.
Not thinking, he ripped it out, letting blood flow from the new wound in his chest. he reeled back one more time before plunging it into his diaphragm.
Finally, salvation.
He felt the pressure rush out of him as he fell to the ground, sighing in relief. He wasn't completely stupid, he had a sound understanding of the human body, so he knows he didn't hit any major organs. He wouldn't die.
At least, not if anyone found him.
Kaiya then walked to Sunny's room with purpose.
She'd been to his room many times - Rylee had spent a lot of time there.
It didn't take long for her to reach his room, even if it was on the other side of the school
She banged on the door, knowing the roommate would still be at the dumb ceremony.
"Sunny!" She yelled, waiting for him to open the door.
"Sunny?" She knocked again.
When she didn't get any answers, she tried the handle.
Unlocked.
She opened the door quickly, finding Sunny bleeding out on the floor.
"Sunny!" She ran towards him on the ground, pulling her blazer off and holding it against his stomach.
"No no no no. You don't get to do this to me! You're all I have now!"
A wry smile spread across his paled face,
"Don't worry-" He took a shuttered breath,
"It's-this won't kill me."
He laughs bitterly, looking into the girl's eyes.
What the fuck was he doing?
He stumbled to his feet and stumbled into the bathroom, sitting in the bathtub ad turning on the tap.
He could hear Kaiya's panicked protests as she followed him.
"…I'm so fucking stupid, Kai. I promised your brother I'd protect you, yet here I am, covered in blood, crying on my bathroom floor."
Sunny rummaged in the bathroom cupboard.
"Where's the first aid kit?" She hissed to herself.
"Every dorm has one. Where is it?"
Sunny shrugged,
"Gave it to your brother, never got it back. There might be some stuff in my roommate's wardrobe."
He watched the blood swirl with the cold water of the bath,
"I don't know."
Kaiya rushed into the main section of the room, now rummaging in the wardrobe she knew was not Sunny's.
She found the first aid kit, tucked away and hidden.
She grabbed it and rushed into bathroom, kneeling down and beginning to lay down bandages and creams.
"You can't protect me if you're dead, Sunny."
"I didn't intend on dying," He mumbled, leaning back against the wall,
"I just wanted to feel something."
He flinched as she pulled the skewer out, throwing it to the side. The holes were quite deep, no doubt needing some sort of gauze the help it recover.
The room was silent, nothing but the sound of running water and Kaiya rustling through the kit was heard. Sunny's eyes closed as he lavished in the attention he was receiving. He hadn't had anyone care like this since Rylee. He giggled a bit,
"Hey, remember when Rylee got stuck in that tree at the new year's party?"
Kaiya looked at him as she turned the water off.
"Yeah, he was an idiot. I told him not to do it and he still did."
She then went back to sorting the kit out.
"Mm, and he fell and sprained his wrist, then we took him to the doctors and he got that cast and we all signed it." Sunny rambled, starting off and reminiscing into an easier time.
"Fuck, I miss him. I never really thought about killing myself, ya know? Never thought of it as a thing that I need to do. But-"
He choked, not wanting to talk on such a painful subject,
"I feel like a have to, just to tell him I'm sorry."
"You and I both know he wouldn't accept it," Kaiya smiled softly, forcefully pulling Sunny's shirt off.
"Now get out. I can't tend to your wounds in the water."
She waited for him to get out before reaching in and pulling the plug, the water beginning to drain.
The only sound that filled the living room was the silent buzzing of the air con.
It had gotten dark outside, Sunny's roommate had returned but snuck away to hide in his room. They sat on the sofa, watching the news, before Sunny started speaking,
"What was he like?"
Kaiya responded in confusion, not understanding the question,
"Rylee. What was he like growing up?"
"Well…he was always a clown, trying to make me laugh. He was really kind. Protected me from my parents a lot."
She sighed, remembering the good and bad.
"He was basically forced to become more of a father than a brother, since ourparents were never around to be, well, parents."
Sunny thought on it for a bit, before nodding,
"Yeah that sounds like him."
An hour pasted as they blankly watched the tv screen, laughing a some old, rundown sitcom that had started playing after the news. Sunny checked the time,
10:24
"Damn," he mumbled, "It's getting late, do you want me to walk you back?"
Kaiya looked at the time.
10:25.
"Yeah, you're right. Curfew is at 10:45, right?"
She sighed again.
"I would really appreciate if you could walk with me, though."
Sunny smiled, content for the first time in a while,
"Yeah, let's go then."
The walk was peaceful. Nothing but crickets and the the far off yells of some late football game. He had lent Kaiya his jacket, and it was far too big for her frame. It engulfed her in an almost maternal way, providing safety and comfort from the drastic differences between the cooler night outside and the overwhelming stuffiness of his tiny dorm.
One question kept clawing at his mind, though.
He wanted to know what their parents were doing.
He knew, of course, that it was a horrible subject, but he need to know about funeral arrangements so he could work them into his schedule. But alas, those where worries for another day.
Sunny's jacket was calming to Kaiya, the scent inviting.
It reminded her about how Rylee used to be, how protecting.
She looked out at the slowly falling snow, and at the snow that had covered the ground while they were inside.
She'd always loved the snow.
She stopped and leaned on a banister, staring out at it all.
"It's funny, you know. How everyone pretends to care so much. My parents care so much that they can't even be bothered to hold a funeral for him. So caring."
Sunny's eyes widened,
"What? What the hell are they going to do with," He paused, thinking carefully about his next words,
"With him?"
Kaiya didn't answer, just conitued to look off the edge. He followed her gaze, watching the way the lights danced on the pavement that ran through the large park. Snow fell slowly around them, landing in their hair and ghosting on his eyelashes,
"Come on," he whispered, placing a hand on the small of her back,
"I don't want you to freeze out here."
"I'm not gonna freeze, Sunny," Kaiya said softly. "If anyone will freeze it will be you. I have your jacket."
She paused, wanting to say something but not knowing how.
"I knew…I knew you guys were a thing the whole time."
Sunny didn't know how to respond to that,
"I-what do mean?"
He asked, playing dumb,
"What thing?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Sunny. I knew my brother. Probably better than you did."
She smiled softly, staring out at the slowly freezing lake.
"He couldn't hide anything from me, no matter how hard he tried. Don't worry though. I only knew because I'm his sister."
"Ah, right…" He mumbled, looking at the ground. They stood in silence till the warning bell for crefew rang out,
"We should probably get going…" He whispered, grabbing her hand and pulling her along the pathway. How long had she'd know about them? What did she know about them? He kept himself quiet, restraining from asking questions he didn't want the answer too.
They arrived at the dorms and made their ways through the whinding halls, before coming to a halt outside her door. They stepped over the flowers and condolences cards and stood facing each other in the, Kaiya in the flat and Sunny in the hall.
"Look, I know that things are hard and a regular routine is not what you're really thinking about right now," he started,
"But I need you to try and get up on time tomorrow, I don't want you slipping behind on casework and creating more stress for yourself…"
He paused,
"You're a smart girl, but I you need help, come and ask, okay?"
Kaiya smiled sweetly. "God, you're just like him. Really. I feel like you need to hear that even more than I do. In the protective way, I mean."
She pulled his jacket off, handing it to him with an outstretched arm.
"And you know that it's the same for you. If I'm smart then it means I can help you too. I'll make sure to come over tomorrow to redress your wounds."
When he refused to take the jacket, she slung it over his shoulder and gave him a thankful peck on the cheek.
"Have a good night, sweetheart."
The walk back to his dorm was slow. Everyone had already taken refuge inside their room, it being long past curfew. Cold air pricked his skin as he hurried back, not wanting to draw attention from wandering guards. He slithered past lamp posts and night-life, watching the snow pile up on the side of the pavement. his mind was ravaged with questions about this whole situation. When did Kaiya find out about him and Rylee? They both had promised to keep it a secret, so when did he spill to her? Why would his family hold a funeral? What were they hiding?
He slipped into his dorm and locked it behind him. He showered and pondered the subject more. Why doesn't Kai get along with her family? There must have been some falling out, or maybe they were just too poor? No, that doesn't add up, only rich folk get sent here. he changed into his pyjamas and settled down in his bed. The day repeated itself over and over as he drifted off to sleep, thinking about other ways he could have handled the situation.
Kaiya knew Sunny was questioning how she knew - she could see it in his eyes. She wanted desperately to tell him that she figured it out herself and that Rylee didn't tell her. She knew her brother so much better than he thought she did, and she'd put the pieces together. The only thing Rylee had told her was that he was gay, which she had fully accepted.
A message dinged on her phone, and she looked to see that it was from her father. Pictures of the gala from tonight!. She texted back a quick Looks fun!, though there was no true emotion to the text. She preferred her father over her mother, even if neither of them really cared.
Sunlight tickled Sunny's face as the time ticked over to 6:15. He had never needed an alarm clock, he had loads of self-discipline. Slipping into the bathroom, he began the undress. He looked down at the bandages on his chest and sighed.
How was he suppose to shower, then?
He ended up settling for a plastic bag, taping it over his wounds. The shower was a quick one, he washed then got out, same old same old. He dried his hair and got a glimpse at the thin scar along the side of his wrist. He studied it for a minute, remembering the fight he had had with Rylee that ultimately lead to the cut. And to think, it was all for nothing.
He shivered, brushing the thought aside and continuing to dress.
Breakfast was a bit more sombre than usual, but his roommate made an effort to talk to him.
"Sorry about your loss, man.", was all he mumbled, quickly grabbing some coffee and hurrying off to his bedroom. He didn't know much about that boy, Ethan, he thinks. Kids shy, doesn't say much but somehow has a large group of friends he frequently goes on outing with. Sunny cleaned his bowl, then his teeth, then his attitude as he made for the door, hoping to get to the study hall before all the hangover dafts.
6:30
Kaiya didn't wake up early, but she didn't wake up late. At the sound of the alarm, she moved into the bathroom and undressed, hopping into the shower.
She often only had showers in the morning in order to wake herself up.
It wasn't long before breakfast was delivered. Those of the 'highest class' got to have their breakfast made for them, rather than making it for themselves.
Though Kaiya didn't mind the school's food. It was comforting.
