I want to laugh at other peoples stupid one liner puns or funny metaphors or just ridiculousness!!
Here's my offering:
Two guard burst into the room, following by a woman in a lab coat. Her thin face contorted in fury, "What in the hell are you doing?"
"Sorry," I said, nonchalantly. "We should talk later. The lab is on fire." With that, I threw the liquor at the open flame.
"Oh, you made the team!" Matt congratulated me. "Jack," he added, turning to the black-haired boy. "You owe me twenty bucks."
"Did you guys seriously bet on whether he'd make the team?" Sammy asked incredulously.
"Well, it wasn't like we had anything else to bet on," Jack said.
"You guys literally bet on nailclippers, shut up," Morgan replied.
"Nailclippers?" I asked as I put on my jersey. "How do you get on nailclippers?"
"Well," Matt began, but Sammy cut him off.
"We don't speak of it," the captain said. "Ever."
Ok omg I have so many of these. Here's a couple just off the top of my head:
"Kurt Vonnegut was abducted by aliens and you cannot change my mind about that."
"What kind of a name is Ara for a guy? "
"Awfully bold of you to ask, considering your name is Dallas."
“So, say we are next on this freak’s hit list,” Andor says, “What do we do?”
“Well, I would start by calling the police, for one thing,” Ara says.
“I meant more like, should we have some kind of plan in place?” Andor says, “Like, if I go missing suddenly, or say I turn up dead, is it fair of me to ask you to- I dunno- avenge me or something?”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Do you know which house is hers?”
“The sixth or seventh on the left after the next crossroad,” Savona replied confidently.
“The sixth or seventh?” Calidor asked.
“Yeah.”
“Well, which is it?”
Savona shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out when we get there.”
“You’re really ready to just show up at a stranger’s house, huh?”
They're sort of funny?
"Which one of you idiots decided to kidnap a child?" He glared at the crew, most of which were finding the floor, the ceiling, or their nails very interesting.
Heli opened his mouth to protest, wanting to say that a literal child's decision probably wasn't the wisest one, but Laetus was already going up the stairs to the second floor, humming to himself.
"Relax! I can handle anything that comes my way. Besides, last time I didn't get hurt that badly."
"You broke six ribs, both arms, got a poisoned stab wound that took nearly 3 months to fully heal and on top of that, never found what you were looking for."
"Like I said, not that badly."
"You're unbelievable."
Both of you made me cackle! @Starfast @drying-on-a-clothes-line-sock
"That's why…" Amerly's teeth shot out before she throws her head back up "You have to let me kill you!"
Lucas stooped down "Fine, guess I'll just hack into my Dad's bank account."
"Sophie!" Lucas and Micheal cried in unison as they turned to me
Their arms were stuck in battle mode armed with a spoon and a frying pan respectively
I think that grey mound is food, right?
Lucas pointed his finger at Micheal "That little attic friend started it!"
"Attic friend?!"
Lucas pointed to the swirling mass of white orbs "Those sperm looking things are our souls."
Charlie patted his chest. His eyes begin to water. "I'm flat-chested?"
"Don't worry, I bought this." Slipping in his shirt, he plucks out a switchblade.
I blinked. Did I see that right? Did he pull a knife from between his chest? A sigh escaped my lips. Matthew really never ceases to surprise me.