I can make my brain work and I seem to think my script is not exciting/ too long. It's 8 pages and not much action has happened yet, mostly just foreshadowing. I suppose there's nothing wrong with a slow burn, but will people stick around long enough for the story to pick up?
Are you wanting critiques and ideas for it?
yes please :)
It's clear that the setting is onsome sort of hospital campus in what I guess is a college town or something. I can see that Angelica and Rose are likely to become a couple. Be careful not to make their relationship feel forced. With how you're working this out the relationship, to me, comes off forced and makes me want to cringe. Ask in the forums on how you make it feel normal. The idea of them being mentors to "sick kids" is great. I'm not sure what you by saying that they're sick, so I suggest clearing that up.
There's not much to say for this part…. Just that there's a lot of touching people to get their attention. When Angelica puts her hand on Collin's shoulder, that's okay to keep since she means it in comforting way. Have people say things like hello, are you okay, what's wrong.
Try having Angelica comfort and reassure Carla.