forum Thoughts?
Started by Charlotte Lannigan
tune

people_alt 4 followers

@FantaPop

I really enjoy her name and background! A spoiled princess who sneaks out to race hummingbirds? Absolutely perfect.

As a princess, though, what is she trying to accomplish through the story? Why do her friends and family motivate her? What changes to make her more friendly? Does she keep Dawn a secret too, like the racing? Why is Stag Panther her love interest - what does she see in them?

Hopefully some of these questions can help!

@CinnamonRoll

Yayyy my very favorite thing~!! Okay, top down…

Woah, that's a mouthful of a name. I was ~going~ to say something about it, but she's a faerie, so I suppose it's all right.

Okay, good job on the personality page! The only thing I would do is move the bit in mannerisms down to personality type and add some little tics. Stuff like 'wrings hands when nervous,' 'whistles when bored,' etc.

The backstory… was short. Okay, she's a princess; that explains a bit of her personality, but stereotypically. Backstory! Is! Big! ELABORATE. Tell me about her education; did that make her arrogant? Did the races soften her as she got to know more people? Why wouldn't she be allowed to go to the races? Just…. give reasons for pretty much everything.

Also, you said that she is motivated by her friends, then also said that she doesn't keep friends very well. This is sort of confusing.

Okay, I lied, I'm gonna comment on the names. It's a personal thing, but I feel as if it might be a personal thing for many people–the names are kind of stereotypical. It was fine at first, because you had Chrysanthemum and then Claudia. This made it seem like a mix, which is great! But then I see Cardinal and Stag listed, and I start to get worried. You want to shy away from stereo faery names when writing about them. It's the same concept as not naming your modern characters Mary and John. If you're really attached to the names, just… throw in a mix, like I said. Add some normal names, maybe some made-up ones. Just don't use nature for EVERY name.

So, overall, not a bad character; I do like that you're writing an arrogant main character! Especially a female! I don't see that much. Give her a backstory, smash some of those stereotypes, and you should be well on your way to a sturdy character!

Hope this helps!! :DDD

Charlotte Lannigan

Thanks for the tips! I chose the name Stag because it was a hereditary thing with his family and Cardinal was more of just a sort of filler name that I could replace later. I will try to clear things up and add details as well.