forum suggestions on my character Chiara?
Started by @Nor
tune

people_alt 16 followers

@WriteOutofTime

Yep! Okay, my critique: A mannerism is a small action someone does habitually. So shrugging, crossing arms when upset, tapping fingers against things –mannerisms. What you have written in mannerisms should go in personality type. Oh no! Where is the motivation section? Motivations are so important –they're literally why everything in the book happens. Your character has to have some sort of motive for the way they act. The prejudices seem good, but confusing because of the lack of backstory. Is there a reason you left off religion? Everyone's got one. If she "doesn't" then it's atheism, and if she's not sure, it's agnostic.

Really, the most glaring issue is the lack of a backstory. I feel like I only know the barest details about her because you haven't shown us anything. Relationships, reactions, childhood, reason for prejudice, etc. All in the backstory! Please write one, and I think after that your character will be swell.

@Celestial-B

I'll give her a go!

Why does she have the nickname Fynn? Who calls her that? No weight? The average weight for someone her height is somewhere around 105-140 lbs, just so you know! You say her eyes are green, but what shade of green? Emerald? Forest green? A pastel color? She doesn't have any identifying marks? No freckles, tan lines, scars, dimples, anything? Hmm, her mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms, more like her personality. A mannerism is 'a habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving.' So for example: 'Skips when she walks' or 'plays with her hair when nervous' would be some! Does she have any other flaws? Her flaws she has now are fine, I just think that maybe giving her some more would be good! Here is a list I like to use when I give my characters flaws - https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/ . Who taught her the things about the Russians and Germans? Why does she think that way about them? You said that she has nothing that makes her stand out, well thats kind of lame lol. Sorry for being so blunt, I don't mean to sound mean. And anyways, you said she is kinda good at art and storytelling, those are talents!! Put that down there! She doesn't have to be super good at it, just something she likes to do! No personality trait either? That is basically for summarizing her personality! You have her flaws down, but nothing good about her! That is what it is for, putting down the good and the bad! Why does she like her bag so much? waIT! NO HISTORY??? WHAT? That is a huuuugeee no no!! Put it in there!! It shapes the character so much, especially the background!

@Nor

Thanks for all the help guys :3 I'll be working on her more, I haven't finished filling everything out yet but this will help me for sure! thanks!