forum I need a character critiqued

Started February 01, 2018 by @MultiversalAdmin

tune

This character's name is Dane Harman, and he's part of a sci-fi/fantasy story that mainly takes place in his hometown. Dane Harman

Opinions? I would like to know if this is a solid enough character, and hopefully, relatable.

Alrighty let's read this.

"the way he walks has been likened to that of an elephant" is cool characterization, except that I imagine a big guy now. But Dane isn't big, so it doesn't seem to fit.

"Lowkey a 'nice-guy'" Oohhhh man. XD

AYYY HE LIKES SWING DANCING HECK YEAH. That's my favorite type of dance, I have a dream to be at a professional level.

I'm confused about his occupation coupled with his skills in computer technology? What does he do with those skills?

Well I like him. The things I wrote above were commentary I thought of as I read. I thought he was very detailed and interesting, and he felt like a real person to me. Usually I don't think that's possible when you just have the character sketch, but you proved me wrong!

I love him!!! you were super in depth in every category. I feel like I know this guy now lol. hes a very strong character and I could easily imagine reading a book about him. I don't even know how to critique him…hmm maybe expound on his personality type more? idk. oh, also, I'm assuming he's FTM transgender? maybe u should put that somewhere. anyways overall he's really cool.

I would love to read a book about him! I feel like I've met him and already know him in depth. I love it!

Alrighty let's read this.

"the way he walks has been likened to that of an elephant" is cool characterization, except that I imagine a big guy now. But Dane isn't big, so it doesn't seem to fit.

"Lowkey a 'nice-guy'" Oohhhh man. XD

AYYY HE LIKES SWING DANCING HECK YEAH. That's my favorite type of dance, I have a dream to be at a professional level.

I'm confused about his occupation coupled with his skills in computer technology? What does he do with those skills?

Well I like him. The things I wrote above were commentary I thought of as I read. I thought he was very detailed and interesting, and he felt like a real person to me. Usually I don't think that's possible when you just have the character sketch, but you proved me wrong!

1. Yeah, I wasn't quite sure how to describe it, but elephant-like was the closest I could get when I first wrote it. His steps are heavy and slow, because he's super paranoid that he'll trip and fall.
2. He thinks the world owes him for past mistakes, and that can transfer to how he treats others. Not the best way to be when you loathe that kind of person.
3. Swing is the type of music he loves the heck out of, and he self-taught himself, similarly wanting to be a professional at it.
4. I should clarify that a bit more, so the confusion is a learning experience. I meant that he knows how work programs associated with keeping inventory of sales, taxes, generally programs you'd learn about if you were trying to help a small business. Where he works, the owner is an older woman that doesn't know how to do these things too well, so he tried his best to learn how to do it for her.
5. Aaaaagh, thank you so much! I've had this guy around since early 2014, and it took me forever to figure out what I wanted for him. I'm so glad he's interesting!

I love him!!! you were super in depth in every category. I feel like I know this guy now lol. hes a very strong character and I could easily imagine reading a book about him. I don't even know how to critique him…hmm maybe expound on his personality type more? idk. oh, also, I'm assuming he's FTM transgender? maybe u should put that somewhere. anyways overall he's really cool.

Thanks for the suggestion!
You were correct in your assumption, he is. I didn't put it on his profile, as a test to see whether it's apparent or not, since I plan to not outright state it when I write the story out, since that facet of his character is not something too important to the story.

I would love to read a book about him! I feel like I've met him and already know him in depth. I love it!

Thank you so much, I spent a lot of time on this character, so I'm glad he seems that way!