"I loved a woman. She never felt like a woman to me. Just… a person. A beautiful, shattered, stunning person. It wasn’t her looks, or her many talents that made me fall in love with her. Nor was it the graceful way she moved, or the beautiful beautiful way her voice echoed in the air as she sang. I fell for the cracked and damaged parts of her. And as we laid tangled in a bed, as we were falling and falling fast, until we were utterly consumed by each other, the rest of the world was muffled, the rest wrong. And she felt so right. "
Guys I'm trying. HELP. Writer's block is my enemy.
quick question: I'm assuming this is a love story. I'm assuming some guy falls in love with Mia, who I simply didn't see on her character sheet.
If it's a love story that implies erotica… why is she sixteen?
I also have a couple other problems regarding her age but that one was definitely the biggest one. In order to be a children's nurse even part-time, you must have a college education on pediatrics, which is a LONG road. also also, you don't graduate high school at sixteen. She is going through with her high school education at this age.
I know this isn't what you wanted from that excerpt, which is extremely well-written, but I had some problems with the character herself.
fixing the age thing now… I did not know that about nurses… I'd love to hear your issues with the character! Seriously, any way I could improve… The story is LGBTQ so it's two women btw…
Still, I don't like the idea of a sixteen year old being implied in any sort of erotica situation. It's predatory and kind of gross tbh, nevertheless of gender or sexual orientation.
Give me a few days to write out my response with her gen character though lmao
oh yeah, I'm going to make her older
