forum critique my character?
Started by Dae
tune

people_alt 12 followers

@WriteOutofTime

I think she has a lot of potential but u need to be more specific and flesh her out a little more. For instance, she has straight hair. So is it relaxed, a wig, straightened daily so that the ends are starting to fray? how does she usually wear it? down? pony tail? etc. u say she has piercings/tattoos. Where? how many? do they mean anything to her? how did she get them?

in the nature section: a mannerism is a small action that someone does habitually. like if she waves her hands while she talks, or drums her fingers together, or taps her feet. disrespectful should maybe go in her flaws. her motivation is a little weak. she wants to smoke…and kill who? is she on a mission to kill anyone? or just one particular group of people? also, her flaws are lacking. she cant just have one. plus, her flaw being insecure is a little vague. insecure in her talents? her looks? the prejudice is cool. fits her character really well. her talents seem fine as well. however her hobbies are lacking. does anyone u know just have one singular thing they like to do? I bet not. smoking's fine, but maybe add a few more things in there. her personality type is okay, but expound on it a little more. she's afraid to love, and so she's cold/angry/nonchalant towards people.

for religion, maybe put atheism instead of none. doesn't really matter. also, if she hates the government, that's a political view. she could be very libertarian or something. just add something in there. small typo in occupation (durg instead of drug) but that's just me nitpicking lol. everything else in this section seems really good.

I like her backstory! it's the best part. it's really interesting and makes a lot of sense in regards to her character. good job on that.

overall, I think you have a solid idea for a character here. plus for some reason its super rare on this site to find someone with a nonwhite protagonist!!! i think you're going to do great. good luck