I already posted one character the other day, and I got extremely helpful advice on how to change/improve the character (shoutout to @Mish and @CinnamonRoll… thank you so much!!) I was wondering if I could get the same sort of help for my other very prevalent character in the series :). Again, be as harsh as possible, as that is the best sure way to improve!
Okay, first, AWWWW THANKS!!! :DDDD
Second, in my classic way, top down…
On the looks page, all seems well–again, she's a little light! Even if she's a wiry character, height adds some weight. It's not by that much (only like 10lbs) so this one makes more sense. Also, may I compliment the visual I got when I read her eye color? I actually had to look up 'kingswood brown,' but once I did, PERFECT visual! I can almost see her!
Ooh! I like how she's got the same prejudices as the last character I reviewed but from an ENTIRELY different angle. Like… that just makes me really happy. Motivations in conjunction with flaws seemed inconsistent at first, but the end of the motivation bit tied it all up nicely.
I was going to add more critiques under the personality tab, but the backstory tied it all together really well. I would, however, caution against the 'hates everybody EXCEPT ONE PERSON' thing, simply because even with the right buildup, it's not quite stable.
Another awesome thing: you mention her in conjunction with Mason a lot, then put her with Josh. I love this! Smash those stereotypes on the FLOOR!
ANOTHER awesome thing: her other name is also her arch enemy, which I would KILL to learn more about.
Ok, I couldn't actually find that much wrong with her!! Overall, a compelling character that I could totally grow to love. Maybe give her a little more ~feelings~ and I think you've got an awesome chica here!!
Hope this helps!! :DDD
Alright! I really like the name first off!
Ok now for the other stuff :D
First, I think she is a little underweight for a fifteen year old girl who is 5'9. I think more around 130, 140 lbs would be a bit better, but then again you did mention she was skinny. So whatever you feel is best. Her mannerisms already give me a good idea what the character is like and makes her feel more realistic! Good job! Good flaws too!
I see you keep mentioning Josh and Mason, who are they to her and what do they mean to her? I'd really like to know!! :D
I like that you mentioned that her favorite food is 'juicy' hamburgers lol. Idk I think that small detail just made her character a lot better. Also, for her favorite animal, you told us it was a serpent, but maybe you can also tell us why it is her favorite!
AHH a fantasy background and fantasy story. I seriously love fantasy backstories, they are my life lol so I might be a bit biased on this xD. But honestly, it is really good and It explains a lot of things in her personality! All in all, you did pretty well!! Hope I helped and good luck! <3