I've been writing a story–that will soon go into the second edition with editing and stuff–and I'm wondering what people think of my main character. I haven't attached any relations yet, but I'll be adding those soon.
Thanks for any tips!
First- I love the name Jynn, though her name is quite a mouthful! In the hairstyle section, I also suggest putting the length of the hair, just for a pointer. When you say 'friendship' and 'hope' under motivation, what specific friendship are you talking about? What is she hoping for? These are important details that can change a character's story! Also, when it says mannerism isn't speaking about manners. Mannerism is, and I quote, "A habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving." These can be like, "Twirls hair around finger when stressed." I loved the part about the weapon, but I suggest speaking of how it didn't end well if that isn't too long of a story. Also, I'm really curious about the sundress, because I find it peculiar a sundress would be a favorite item since I typically see things like lockets, journals, and weapons. Also for background, include A LOT of detail! It isn't asking only about where she lived and was born, it's asking about her entire backstory. You'll want to include things like her childhood memories, whether there were any huge family shifts when she was young that may have influenced her story or any friends or partners she met along the way. You may also want to add things like her school experience (Like if she was ever bullied, was a popular girl at one point, or is a good/bad student). Overall this is a really cool character, so keep it up!
Hi!! If I could add to what @Claire said….
Top down…
Interesting name–although why four? The two middle names make me think 'fantasy,' but then you go on to mention the sixth grade, so that's a little misleading.
Oh wow. Personality page is pretty bare. I would move what you have as mannerisms into personality type and put some physical tics in the mannerisms page–'taps foot when annoyed,' 'laughs when nervous,' etc. Another thing here is that her spunkiness and politeness don't quite match up. They can totally work together IF you add who they're going towards–is she polite with her parents and spunky with her friends? Vice versa? Also, elaborate on her motivations. They're a little hollow.
Well. Now I'm sad. Backstory. Needs. MORE! Although you have a lot of good traits, there's nothing to back it up without the backstory! WHY is she prejudiced against popular girls? WHY does she love art? You have to put that all in there!!
Overall: a good foundation!! Add some supports and you've got a really nice character here.
I hope this helps you!! :DD
Claire , thanks for the tips! I've been trying to navigate a few of the fields and this really helped.
@CinnamonRoll , thanks for the tips! I'm glad to get some advice on filling out these fields. I'll keep all this in mind! o)
Oh, the whole two-middle-names thing is just because I had given her one middle name (after the person who portrays her in a few photos reenactments I did of her), but I found another name that kind of fit in with her well, so I gave her two! I actually know someone with two middle names.
Hmm. well I don't understand the two middle name thing. its kinda unnecessary and confusing. also, shes incredibly underweight??? like 5'8 is really tall for such a young kid –and to be anywhere around 100 pounds is very underweight. Not a huge deal for a kid, but still.
Why do her eyes change colors? eyes don't actually change colors, it's impossible. its also kinda a cliché in teen fiction to include something like that. you can find other ways to show her emotions without doing something completely abnormal like having her eye color change. if you have a good and sound reason for her eyes changing like that, by all means, keep it in. but if you don't, and if her eyes are just "special", please consider changing that.
Motivations are weak. just expound on them a little more. hope in what? who's friendship? also, her flaws are very typical for a girl her age. maybe add more person-specific flaws that give us a little more insight to her character. the flaw you added can describe nearly every kid. I also recommend adding a little more to her personality type. I really don't know her at all from reading it.
more background. can't say this enough. that background revealed absolutely nothing about her character. tell us about her.
you have an okay base here, but she needs a lot of work. good luck
I'll add a bit to what these guys said before :D
Woahhhh, she is extremely underweight and extremely tall, especially for being in sixth grade! If she is in sixth grade, she is 11-12 and should only be about 5'0-5'4 if she is average height. Then, she should still be about 100-140 lbs.
And like @Claire said, add how long her ponytail is and how long it is when it is down. Is it to her elbows? Lower back? And i'm sure someone has told you this, but a mannerisms is something like, 'bits her fingernails when nervous' or 'slouches when she walks', not exactly their actual manners!
Why is hope and friendships her motivation? Why does she strive for hope? Why does she strive for friendship? Explain! Explaining is so important when it comes to character development because, not only does it help the readers understand the character, it helps the writer get to know more about the character themselves!
Why does she like drawing and dancing? Why does she like any of her hobbies?
Ohhhh boyyyy. Her background is literally BLANK lol! Add so much more things! Who are her friends? What about her parents? How did they treat her? Does she have any siblings? Any pets? Did she have any pointless memories that she remembers? Any thing significant that happened in her childhood that made her the ways she is? Ahhh so much to put in backgrounds it is astounding!
Good luck with the character! Hope I helped!
Oh, she's supposed to be pretty tall.
I can fix the weight thing. I'm only like 100 and I'm in seventh grade, so it's kind of hard for me to get it right because I just assume mine's the medium.
Thanks for the tips! I keep hearing them, so I guess that they're pretty important. Thanks to everyone for the input and I'll consider all of this advice!