Winged Warriors characters
Toril: Fun fact! The average person walks past a murderer about 36 times in their lives!
Louise:…how is that a fun fact?
Toril: It's fun cuz they didn't murder you!
Caelan: How bad of a person are you?
Louise: I take really hot showers to practice burning in hell.
Louise: I used to think to myself, "How could another person kill someone?"
Louise: And then I met Tychon and I was like "oh okay".
Toril: I’m feeling so hurt and shocked and… I just don’t know how to react– are you climbing out the window?
Louise, climbing out the window: Nope!
Psarrii: Ever think about how it’s pitch black inside your body? Your cells do all that work in the dark.
Wacaiin: Self-care is swallowing lit matches every five minutes so your cells can see whatever the fuck they’re doing in there.
Louise: No. Don't do that.
Louise: Do you have a plan to get us out of here alive?
Psarrii: Sort of. The idea starts with "run for it" and generally goes downhill from there.
Wacaiin: Plants really be like 'I do not vibe with this dirt' and die.
Jyoti: Understandable.
Psarrii and Wacaiin: We'd say that we're smart.
Enar: Okay, what's the difference between mitosis and meiosis?
Wacaiin: Don't fall for it Psarrii, he's just making up words.
Louise: I'm going to hell, y'all want anything
Wacaiin: I've never broken a bone, which just seems too suspicious to me. I probably don't have any bones.
Toril: clicks pen
Enar: clicks pen
Asik: Stop that.
Toril: Stop what?
Asik: You're talking about me in morse code.
Enar: Yeah, that's what we are doing. In our limited free time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
Later:
Enar, to Louise: That's exactly what we did.
Psarrii: What if instead of drops, rain fell all at once? Like, a two-inch-thick sheet of water just goes thwap, and then it's sunny again?
Louise: Fun fact, that is what would happen if there was no air resistance, and it would actually come down so fast it would kill us.
Psarrii: Oh.
Psarrii: Siblings are supposed to be a shield against life's cruel adversity!
Louise: Siblings ARE life's cruel adversity!
Toril: Louise, I love you so much. You're my best friend. If you have any final words for me, I will treasure them always.
Louise: You're gonna be sad and miserable forever.
Louise dies.
Toril: …
Toril: Dude.
Psarrii: Louise, what's a metaphor?
Louise: My life is a trainwreck.
Psarii: I know, but what's a metaphor?
Psarrii: What does "take out" mean?
Enar: Food.
Toril: Dating.
Louise: Murder.
Jyoti: All three if you wanna have a good time.
Louise: When I was small—
Asik: “Was”
Enar: Let me in!
Toril: Why?
Enar: So I can save you!
Toril: From what?
Enar: From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in.
Toril: I'd die for you.
Louise: Not to be ungrateful, but yesterday you said you'd die for a single potato chip, so I honestly don't feel that special.
Toril: I'd… live for you…?
Louise: I am, as the kids say, awake.
Caelan: Do you mean woke?
Louise: Yes, but that is grammatically incorrect.
Toril: Here’s a fun idea- we hang a mistletoe, but instead of kissing the person underneath, we have to fight them.
Asik: We are not doing that.
Althia, nodding: Mistelfoe.
Asik: Don’t encourage her.
Louise: I’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days, so I’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Louise: [bites her spear]
Louise: This isn’t a kebab.
Louise: Yes, I made a mistake. Now are you going to help me fix it or are you going to continue to berate me?
Asik: I'm perfectly capable of doing both at the same time.
Wacaiin: HI!
Asik: Why are you shouting at me?
Wacaiin: YOU SAID YOU HATED SMALL TALK SO I'M MAKING IT BIG.
Toril: I have an idea.
Louise: A good one?
Toril: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Louise: If you’re fortunate enough, your internal organs will spend their entire lifespan in absolute darkness.
Wacaiin: Not if I swallow this torch!
Kidnapper, holding Toril hostage: Give us 10,000 in gold and we'll give her back.
Toril, offended: You think I'm worth only 10,000?
Kidnapper: What?
Toril: Give me that. takes megaphone
Toril: MAKE IT ONE MILLION
Louise: TORIL, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Asik: Why would you give a sword to a child?
Louise: Caelan felt unsafe.
Asik: Well now I feel unsafe.
Louise: I'm sorry.
Louise:
Louise: Would you like a sword?
Wacaiin: I HAVE A SWORD!
two minutes later
Wacaiin: I lost the sword.
Louise: That's ridiculous, Althia doesn't have a crush on me.
Toril: Yes she does.
Enar: Yes she does.
Asik: Yes she does.
Althia: Yes I do.
Wacaiin: Milk loaf, a gallon of eggs, and a carton of bread from the market, please.
Psarrii: What.
Reporter: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Althia, leaning forward seriously: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately
Louise: What’s Wacaiin doing?
Toril: He’s been staring at a snail for the past twenty minutes and every so often he just says "we slidin”
Louise, visibility confused: But why?
Toril, choking on tears: I don't know
Zephyr: I'm the older twin!
Tempest: No, you're the rough draft
Psarrii: [carving a stick]
Louise: What are you making?
Psarrii: A pointy stick to stab all you people with.
Louise: Well, why don't you just use the knife?
Psarrii:
Psarrii: [drops stick]
Louise: I think I'm losing my voice.
Toril: Ha-ha, guess that means you can't yell at us anymore.
[later in the day]
Toril: Turns out, Louise is scarier when she's quiet.
Asik: Let’s just agree to apologize together on the count of three.
Louise: Fine.
Asik: One… two…
Asik: Three
Louise:
Asik:
Asik: Now I’m disappointed in both of us
Asik: knocking on Ryker's door Your Highness, open up!
Ryker: It all started when I was ten…
Asik: No, I mean-
Louise: Let him finish.
Louise: I did not get knocked out.
Louise: I would never.
Louise: I just decided to take a spontaneous nap on the floor.
Asik: After you got hit on the back of the head in the middle of a fight?
Louise: Yes.
Enar: Are you alright? You didn't sleep at all last night.
Louise: I got a solid eight minutes.
Louise: Not consecutively, but it's fine. You're not even that blurry.
Louise: It'll kill you.
Jyoti: Only if I die!
Louise: Yes…that's what killing you means.
Louise: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Toril: I've been zoned out for the last two hours.
Althia: I got distracted about halfway through.
Enar: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Toril: So here’s your tea-
Louise: For the last time, it’s called a mission report.
Toril: Do you want the tea or not?
Enar: All right, what time does the judgmental express get here today?
Toril: Louise gets here at noon.
Enar: If Toril and I were drowning, who would you save?
Louise: You two can't swim?
Enar: It's a hypothetical question! Who would you save?
Louise: My time and effort honestly.
Caelan: How dumb does Louise think you are?
Wacaiin: She sometimes leaves me pictures of food instead of a grocery list.
Zephyr: Shut up
Psarrii: NO, ZEPHYR, I WON’T. TODAY I WILL NOT BE SILENCED.
Zephyr:
Psarrii:
Zephyr:
Psarrii: WATER IS NOT WET
Zephyr: HOW CAN IT NOT BE WET IT’S WATER
Brroyun: I think we should put something on the glass doors to make them visible.
Jyoti: Leave it to me.
Jyoti: [Sticks a napkin on the doors.]
Wacaiin, entering the room: Hey, a flying napkin!
[Bam]
Caelan: What state do you live in?
Louise: Constant anxiety.
Asik: Denial.
Krodha: Perfection.
Tempest: Valea.
Zephyr: When Tempest asks me if I notice anything new about her and I have no clue, I tell her
Zephyr: "I do. Your beauty surprises me every day."
Zephyr: Then I continue thinking about why cockroaches can fly but penguins can't.
Althia: I'm pretty good at improvising weapons. One time, I stabbed someone with a brick.
Toril: How can you stab someone with a brick?!
Althia: I just do it.
Asik: I like my coffee how I like myself.
Asik: Dark, bitter, and too hot for you.
Louise: Where is my fucking spear?
Asik: Louise, there are children present. Use proper language.
Louise: May I ascertain the current whereabouts of my fucking spear?
Xenophon, to Louise: I think of you the same way I think of our parents.
Xenophon: Resentfully.
Caelan: You look tired.
Louise: I didn’t get much sleep last night.
Caelan: Were you doing something cool?
Louise: Does worrying count?
Caelan: No.
Asik: Have a safe flight.
Louise: I have no say in that matter.
Asik: Die then.
Louise: I will not hesitate to strangle you.
Asik: Can you even reach my neck?
Louise: Who the fuck
Asik: Language
Louise: Whom the fuck
Asik: No
Toril: You're so short Louise, what can you see down there?
Louise: Your IQ.
Caelan: Louise? You’re still awake?
Louise: It’s not that late.
Caelan: It’s 2am! What time do you usually go to bed?
Louise: 5am.
Caelan: You wake up at 7am!
Louise:
Louise: 5am.
Toril: What's the first thing you notice when someone tries to approach you?
Louise: The audacity.
Louise: Yes.
Asik: “Yes, sir.”
Louise: No need to call me sir, General.
Toril, hanging off the side of a cliff: Somebody please help! I can't hold on much longer!
Althia, holding two milkshakes: I really wish I could be of more help.
Psarrii: A spoon is just a small bowl on a stick used to eat from a larger bowl.
Enar:
Enar: Why do you say the things that you say?
Louise, in her normal sleep deprived state: Fill your body with cranberries so that the horse that kills you will get a sensual surprise when he begins to feed.
Enar: I will give the horse that kills me no such luxury.
Toril: It's okay I can add the cranberries later.
Asik: What the fuck
Louise: Zephyr, can I speak to you for a minute? In private
Zephyr: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that
Louise: "All due respect" is a wonderful expression because it doesn't actually specify how much respect is actually due. Could be none
Krodha: The year is 9. Some motherfucker be touching cow tits, and oh boy, he's about to invent cereal
Louise:
Louise: I beg your pardon?
Krodha: Beg
Althia: You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?
Louise: As the defending champion, are you nervous?
Tempest: Okay, now name a yellow fruit
Wacaiin: An orange
Wacaiin: …
Wacaiin: Wait–
Psarrii: Even I fucking know that isn't right
Louise: At least I’m going to die doing something I love
Enar: And that is?
Louise: Beating the absolute shit out of someone who deserves it
Enar: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Louise?
Louise: No.
Toril: I do.
Enar: I know, Tor.
Toril: I'm sad.
Enar: I know, Tor.
Louise: What are we gonna do?
Asik: Don't worry, you're so small they probably won't even see you
Louise: Asik, is this really the time to be making short jokes?
Asik: Louise, it's never not the time, because just like you, life is short
Enar: What's up?
Louise: My stress levels.
Psarri: Bricks are domesticated rocks
Enar: Stop
Toril: No, let her speak
Enar: What do Louise, Jyoti, and Althia all have in common?
Zephyr: They’re strong, brave, good at fighting—
Tempest: Tiny, feral, and ready to throw hands with the gods.
Toril: General! Don’t let go!
Asik, hanging from a cliff: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LET GO???
Jyoti: Only intellectuals can say these four words quickly: “eye yam stew pig”
Tempest: Oh come on, they’re not gonna fall for-
Psarrii and Wacaiin in unison: I AM STUPID!
Wacaiin: I know you can be "underwhelmed" and that you can be "overwhelmed" but…
Wacaiin: Can you ever just be "whelmed"?
Asik: …
Jyoti: I think you can in Fayrea!
Toril: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I too weak or too strong.
Althia: You’re weak.
Enar: You’re strong.
Louise: You’re stupid.
Brroyun: You sent a letter to Louise and not me?
Jyoti: Well, when you have a crazy theory you don’t call the voice of reason.
Louise: Please shut up.
Ignavess: Well, since you asked nicely, no.
Jyoti: You peasants, using a knife to cut a cake
Jyoti, brandishing a longsword: THIS is how you cut a cake
Jyoti: I am an expert at identifying birds
Louise, pointing at a hummingbird: What’s that, then?
Jyoti: Commander, that’s a bird. I feel like you should’ve known that
Asik: You look like a corpse
Louise: I’ve been unconscious for the past three hours to make up for not sleeping for three days
Caelan: How long can you go without sleep before you start to hallucinate?
Louise: Three days
Caelan: How do you know?
Louise, staring blankly at nothing: There's a clown behind you
Toril: You can lead a horse to water-
Wacaiin: But you can’t drink a horse.
Louise: At 5am you either feel like you can rule the world or like you've just been run over by a train, there is no in between
Louise: I'm what the Alteirans would call a "vile, ill-tempered and thoroughly wretched little creature."
Caelan: This is so cool! When can I meet the rest of the regiment?
Enar: Uh. Heads up, the rest of the regiment is….
Enar: I'm trying to find the right words to prepare you and all I can come up with is 'dumpster fire'.
Asik: Whoever makes Louise fall alseep will win 100 dollars.
Jyoti, holding a frying pan: Where is she?
Zephyr: [trips and falls on his face]
Tempest [choking on her drink]: Zephyr!
Zephyr: What?
Tempest: Don't do that while I'm drinking!
Wacaiin: I do not think, therefore, I do not am.
Psarrii: Jyoti now has an axe
Louise: This is ominous
Tempest: This is great
Louise: I may be short but you're still beneath me.
Althia: Do you prefer women or men?
Louise: I prefer death
Toril: I'm such an idiot.
Althia:
Toril:
Althia:
Althia: If you're waiting for me to disagree with you, it's gonna be a long night.
Asik: Are you absolutely positive that you didn't get me a box of bees again?