A !

You tore me apart

Day by day

Ripping into my being as if I was yours

My flesh

My bone

The essence of my soul

But even with all this pain you caused me, you were a necessity

You kept my mind intact

You kept me sane

Even with the chaos and the violence around me

With you, I knew my mind was safe

But still

You tore me apart

You left me to the cruel broken world

Alone

You left me rotting from the inside out

No shelter, no safety

You crumbled as I held my image of you in my hands

My cold, dry hands

You shook, as if it wasn't your fault

As if you didn't expect to be erased from my memory the moment you left

As if you didn't expect me to move on to the next best thing

If you hadn't left, maybe I could've cared for you

Maybe I could've stayed

Protected you the way you needed

Stayed with you when you were alone in the woods

Not sure you'd live

But our destinies are intertwined

You'll rot alone, as will I

Because that is the fate we've written for each other

To rot

You were perfect

I couldn't imagine having anyone better

The feeling I got when I lay my head on your chest was heavenly

You arms around my body introduced me to a new kind of safety

I couldn't ask for anyone better

You treated me so well, with so much respect

You took care of me when I needed it most

There was no one better

It was amazing

We were on cloud 9

I fell in love with you

But then the facade started to crumble

There were better people

People who wouldn't gaslight me

People who wouldn't intentionally make fun of my insecurities

"It's funniest that way." you said.

There were people who would prioritize me over anyone else

People who would look at me with genuine love

"They would never love you." you said.

"They would never choose you." you said.

"Look at all these beautiful girls. You're not one of them." you said.

"Stay with me. I'm the only one who'll want you." you said.

You broke my heart

You tore it up

You made me realize that my perfect vision of you was never real

You made me realize that I never knew you

---------------------

K !

When was the last time you saw me?

Do you remember my face?

The slope of my nose?

The edge of my jaw?

What made you choose me when our already weak connection was being severed by the painful passing of time?

Was it my eyes?

Or my smile?

My laugh?

More realistically, was it my legs?

My chest?

The touch of my skin?

The way my hair felt in your hands?

The way I trusted you with such a sacred part of my life?

What made you choose me to fill these days of boredom?

All I wanted was to take care of you

Because maybe if I cared for you enough you would begin to care for me as well

Maybe when you wrapped your hands around my waist in front of your bathroom mirror, you'd see more than yourself

You'd see me

You'd see my tired eyes, begging for you're love

And maybe you'd give it to me

So I took care of you

I gave you everything you needed

Everything you wanted

I gave you my love

My mind

And my body

But it wasn't enough

It wasn't enough for you tell your friends about me

To tell your mom that I meant something to you

To tell yourself to keep me around

You gave me to smallest amount of yourself to keep me going

To keep me coming back

And with every time I came back, your confidence rose another hundred feet

And I kept coming back

I kept taking care of you

I know you still think of her
When you hold me in your arms, you imagine her in my place
Every lie you uphold for me is just to keep me around
A replacement
A sad excuse for one

I don't have her face which you loved looking at so much
I don't have her body that you loved to touch
I don't have her beautiful laugh that would ring through your ears
And I don't have the approval of your brother and your peers

I have my pale face, riddled with scars
I have my skeletal body, burnt by your cigars
I have my crackly laugh, unending for your humor
I have the ridicule of your friends, who said to leave me by summer

I could never live up to her
So continue to think of her