I have a character page that's over ten thousand words, and I was wondering if anybody would like to take on the challenge and look them over for me. I've been working on them for a while now and I just recently revised most, if not all, of the profile and I need to know if I'm making sense (sobbing in the corner).
If any of you are up to the task, here he is :)
Hello MJ my old pal.
So I read the whole thing, took me an hour, but I feel like I've known this lil guy my whole life.
redeeming qualities?
Through reading the relationships I can tell he has a few redeeming qualities, id just suggest their expanded upon more in the personality section. He seems hesitantly loving and confused, very thick-skinned but almost still a child at heart, seeing he never really go the chance to grow. So I think expanding more on what makes them GOOD vs BAD could be beneficial. However, I understand there are characters that just have NO redeeming qualities (I have a few of those lol), but to me, he's not one of those, to me their a a young person with hidden affection that's a product of a bad environment.
Jacket Attachment
I LOVE the unhealthy attachment to his jacket. It feels grimy, human, you know. When I see a character have such emotional attachment to something that they just freak the fuck out if anything happens to it? ah- I love it. I love characters that aren't afraid to scream and cry.
I love the connection it has to his mother as well, it's a bittersweet reminder that they were an innocent child once, that he DID love at one point, and that a little part of them still does.
shell of a child
I love this description. There's something so visceral and real about describing a young boy as a "shell". Like a little thing that's supposed to be so bright and full of joke becoming hollow and ampty, like you look into their eyes and they're just blank, not a human emotion behind them- GAH I love it, such a good description.
resurrection
This is such a tragic scene I just AHHHH. the thought of a little boy hitched over his mothers chest pushing on it in an uneven and sporatic way, begging and cry and scream for her to please wake up when shes long dead its nauseating it sickening its GOLD. If this ends up being a book that's not something id gloss over, definitely draw more attention to it and how it makes him feel, as a child that's not really felt something before. Itd be a sick irl scene too, something like Sweet Child of mine playing over the scene getting louder and slowly drowning out their screams till he's stabbed with the needle and the music slowly fades out.
more info on shea power?
I know you touch on this more later in the profile but the bit where she uses the power on them is kinda confusing, I couldn't really figure out what it meant, you know. Maybe just a little " Shea used her powers on Abel,resufacing memories of their mothers death, something she swore to never do.". just to add a lil more context to it.
"And you're a bitch"
Love it 10/10. best comback.
"Im not a machine!"
YES I LOVE IT I LOVE IT WHEN THEY CRY. I love closed of characters breaking down I love them its like they're human it's so cool. Just more content for my Abel really does care about his friends agenda. Your honor, they're in their feels.
Im not a huge fan of action but I loved this so sos os much and it even opened my eyes to things in my stories id never considered so thank you for sharing bestie <3
That mostly what I got from the first red over, if you want my opinion on anything let me know and ill go back a reread, cheers!
(Fun fact his uncle has the same last name as twins from one of my stories! is he Ukrainian too?)
alfjkskd holy shit thank you so much for taking the time and giving me this feedback!!!! i was half expectingnobody to pick it up because it was so long akfjksk ๐ญ๐ญ
Redeeming Qualities!!!!! YES!!!! Making a note to put those into Abel's personality section rn. I'll also revise that one section about Sheas power to make it less confusing!
akdhjsk thank youuuuu I love the little heart breaking scenes I put Abel in,,, I would LOVE to make this a TV series!! Either Live Action or animated like Arcane is!
again thank you so much this does mean a lot akdjdkk <33333 if you ever read through again and pick up anything else, I'd love to hear it!!
and worm!! Nikola is the twin brother of Abelโs mom, Mischa! They're Russian tho, not Ukrainian akdjksks that's so funny we both have twins with the last name Antonov