forum Discussion Over "A Fool Moon Night" (A Story Written by @K14N)
Started by @K14N language
tune

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@K14N language

I recently got added to the collections of Multiverses on Notebook.ai, and I wanted to take a step forward to talk about my story/SMP script known as a Fool Moon Night. I also wanted to post writing bits to get advice on writing them, so Here it is.

@K14N language

I guess, to get started, here is the prologue. The character being shown is named Kneel, and he is the leader of a Kingdom (Bastion) In the world of 'Hell' (Known as the Nether in Minecraft). There is also another main character here, named Ide.

"Kneel, adjusting the blood-red robe his father gave him, flicked his eyes up at the lustrous portal in front of him. He could feel his own heartbeat in his chest, in comparison with how heavy the battle-ax felt on his back, his body felt dismal. He did not feel as bustling as he used to when he was a child, but he really still was one. Something did not feel right about the portal to him, in which case he spent the next few minutes looking around nearby, staring at and touching the edges of the portal. The edges of his fingertips, the same deep cold rawhide of the hooves he had always had. He never really did know why he didn't look the same as the others he had known. Kneel snapped his focus back to the gateway, his hand still on the edges of the warm Obsidian.

Ω

Kneel finally decided to take a step in, he felt his foot go raw but didn't stop himself from walking all the way in. It suddenly felt like he was standing in a pitch-black room, only able to see himself with some sort of brightness coming from somewhere. If there was light, then why couldn't he see the walls? He was puzzled, and soon took another step forward, in which he faceplanted onto a lush, fluffy ground, something brown staining his cheeks and hands. His robe and white collar button-up got dirtied as well. As he lifted his head, he saw what he knew to be the Overworld. He had never been there before and was only told about it because of second-hand, Ide. The ground was soft, but rough under his hands and he pressed up against this flooring upward to a standing position. He had still felt frail from the battle a week or two ago, and his bones felt pained and aged. As he looked around, he spotted a few native birds nesting on the trees in the forest to his right. He took a few steps away from the portal, using the back of his hand to smear and rub off the soil that was left as soot on his face seconds before. Kneel began strolling towards the forest, straightening and brushing off his robe and buttons.

Ω

He spent the majority of the day examining new things he found, like plants, animals, one of which looked like him. Most importantly, he saw smoke rising from above the forest rooftop a field's distance away, he moved in that course, but it wasn't the fire smoke he knew, it smelled like some sort of food. As he emerged from the forest, a small hill-like cliff separated him from a river-village. He saw a foreign race walking the grounds of the village, that almost resembled him, but he took no notice. The place was bustling, but one thing caught his eyes in particular, movement. He snapped his head to the side, seeing something disappear into the foyers of green nearby him. His brain ticked with the thought to follow, but he didn't. He didn't want to get himself into anything unessicary.

Ω

By this time, the sun had begun to set in the Overworld, and It was waning to closure hours at Kianwell, Kneels home, and he knew that. Now, he turned his back to the village after looking over it for a few hours. He was famished and exhausted, and his people must've been anxious about him and his disappearance. Stars began to pulse in the opaque sky while he walked back, the bright full moon being his only light. He used his sense of smell to trace his footsteps back to the portal, seeing it illuminate the verdant field in front of him. As he walked closer, he noticed movement near the portal, someone trying to stand to their feet. Kneel then dashed, subconscious to the soreness of his kneels and heels, over to the portal, unbeknownst to him someone was scrambling up from the ground, trying to find Kneel.

Ω

Ide snapped his head up and around to the sound of treads near him. When he turned his head, he saw Kneel tearing towards him, a look of fear and concern in his eyes. Did Kneel know it was him? He quickly clambered to his feet, waving his hands in front of his body, whispering to Kneel that it was Ide in a foreign language. Kneel suddenly slowed his mad dash to a tread towards Ide, Kneel's hearing being improved because of his race. Ide took notice to a figure in the woods, far from Kneel, popping up out of a bush, but ignored such, concerned about the King's safety. Kneel came to a halt in front of Ide. He investigated the King's dirt stains and distressed body.

Ω

"ᔑ∷ᒷ ||𝙹⚍ 𝙹ꖌᔑ||?"
Ide whispered, Kneel shaking his head in response to Ide's worried question. Kneel wasn't okay, his body was sore, and his scar on his eye bleeding a share due to his fall.

"ꖎᒷℸ ̣ ᒲᒷ ⍑ᒷᔑꖎ ||𝙹⚍, ꖎᒷℸ ̣ 'ᓭ ⊣𝙹 ⍑𝙹ᒲᒷ. ||𝙹⚍ リᒷᒷ↸ ∷ᒷᓭℸ ̣ ᔑリ↸ ⎓𝙹𝙹↸."
Ide chattered, looking up to Kneel in his eyes. He was one of the few that saw Kneel behind his mask, staring into his single amber eye, the other one tainted a blood red. Kneel gestured to behind him, leading Ide to stand by his side and hoist Kneel over his shoulder, helping him walk through the opening to the dark realm, and back to Kianwell."

If anyone has any questions or comments, criticism, anything, tell me! :))