I know that people don't like to critique chapter by chapter, but it helps me figure out what I could possibly fix. Please include your thoughts on plot, characters, events, settings.
Just going to give a warning that this story was co-written. I didn't actually officially start writing for it until chapter 6 (I think), though I did help with the first few chapters by editing them.
@PurplePartyTiger You said you were interested.