forum Critique my powers
Started by Another

people_alt 40 followers


Like a bunch of other stories, there are abilities. Abilities in "Our Utopia" are very rare. There are 3 people in the story who have an ability.
Betsy Shinzen has the ability to transfer her consciousness to another person's body, the other person's consciousness is locked inside her body, while locked inside Betsy's body, the victim is aware but cannot move or speak. When Betsy cancels her ability, the consciousnesses are returned.
1- Any injuries received while Betsy is "possessing someone" follow her back to her body. The injuries appear on her body when she returns to her body, this applies to the victim as well.
2- If the victim is sick with something like a common cold, it is possible for Betsy to catch it while possessing them.
3- Betsy can remember things the victim can remember at the moment of possession. If the victim suffers from some form of memory loss, Betsy will not be able to remember things they couldn't easily remember.
4- Betsy can continually possess someone for two hours with general ease. After the two hour mark, Betsy will begin to weaken, both physically and mentally. She will become more irritable as time goes on.

Carissa has the ability to do anything at the price of pain.
ex) Carissa stabs herself with a knife, Carissa creates an apple out of thin air.
1- Carissa needs to have the presence of mind to take action with her ability. If she were lit on fire, she'd be capable of many things, but she wouldn't be able to focus through the immense pain.
2- Naturally, the more often Carissa hurts herself, the higher her tolerance to pain will rise.

Ashley has the ability to slow down time to the point of being frozen at an infinite range.
1- Ashley can activate her ability once every twelve hours. If she tries to activate her ability within the twelve-hour cooldown, another two hours will be added to the count and she will suffer from a migraine.
2- The effect lasts as long as Ashley desires.
3- Ashley can interact with things during this time.
4- When Ashley decides to end her ability, everything speeds up to catch up with whatever actions Ashley took. (If Ashley punches someone during the slowed time it doesn't take effect until she ends it)
5- As everything catches up, Ashley returns to the place she was when she started the ability, traveling backward in whatever path of actions she took.
6- Living creatures are entirely aware of the catch-up phase. If someone is fast enough, they would be able to react while everything catches up with Ashley.
7- Ashley can't control her body during the catch-up phase.
8- Objects in motion retain their momentum during the slowed time. Ashley can't move a bullet in motion without suffering the consequences of trying to poke a bullet in motion.
9- Ashley is unaffected by hunger or any natural bodily functions during the slowed time.
Phase 1- Ashley activates her ability.
Phase 2- Ashley takes 3 steps forward and punches Carissa in the nose.
Phase 3- Ashley releases her ability.
Phase 4- Carissa is knocked down, nose bleeding. Ashley rewinds, making a striking motion and taking 3 steps back.


betsy's power has been explored in mainstream media quite a bit but not usually as a power. v cool
carissa's is metal as fuck i stan, this one's my fave
ashley's is cool too but i'd say make sure you do Not tell the readers the specific times for everything or it'll seem a little stiff, like it's a video game instead of a story