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Started by @Stroylia-Knight
Followed by: 57 users

@Starfast Cat Mom

Is this meant to be a chapter of your story or just like, a summary? Because to me, it reads more like the latter. I'll give some more in-depth thoughts once I get an answer, but for now here's some things that should be changed regardless.

  • Start a new paragraph any time there's dialogue.
  • There's a couple times where you just randomly capitalized words mid sentence. The only time you should capitalize words is at the beginning or if it's the name of a person or place.
  • Punctuation goes inside quotation marks, not outside.
  • There's better ways to indicate a long pause than using……. a bunch of ellipses. A good way for dialogue is to break up the sentence using a dialogue tag like this: "Conchobhar," Belia said, "I have something else I want to say and ask you."
  • "A….DUMBA**" Either commit to a swear word or use a different word.
  • Using caps lock to indicate yelling is fine in moderation but not so great for an entire paragraph, and it's kind of a lazy way to indicate yelling, tbh. There's times where you've already told us that a character is yelling, so YOU DON'T NEED TO WRITE THE ENTIRE DIALOGUE IN ALL CAPS.